Better Man
by MotherTucker
Summary: A difficult case. A chance encounter. Loyalty is tested. Trust is questioned. Set post Tuckson breakup, but otherwise s18 doesn't exist.
1. Chapter 1

a/n: Guess who's back mothertuckers?! Let's begin, shall we?

* * *

Olivia looked at her watch as she walked down the hallway at 1PP. 8:45pm. She sighed. In the past two weeks, she'd been called in to report on the Broadway rapist three times, and she'd lost count of how many times she'd gotten home well after Noah's bedtime.

The "Broadway rapist," as the press had named the sadistic serial rapist, was targeting young female ingénues just making their starts on the New York City stage. He'd attacked five young women in just as many weeks.

Unfortunately, it wasn't until the fourth attack that Manhattan SVU had even become aware of the situation. The first two victims were initially too scared to come forward, and the third lived and was attacked in Brooklyn. Olivia had been trying to work with Brooklyn SVU, but the perp wore a mask and so far had left no DNA evidence. It was maddening.

1PP was asking for near daily updates. The press was in a frenzy. The Broadway community was frightened. All hands were on deck, and they still hadn't been able to get any closer to identifying the sick bastard.

This meeting hadn't been much different than the previous two. So far they hadn't been able to find anything linking the victims, and there was no new evidence bringing them closer to any kind of ID. So she weathered the same questions again and again with little more to offer for an answer.

Shaking her head in frustration, Olivia rushed down the hallway. She just wanted to get home.

But she had one stop to make first. She was looking for a restroom on her way to the elevator. There was one back by the meeting room, but she figured there had to be another one on the way out. She looked down the hallway just before the elevator bank and saw that she was in luck. About halfway down the semi-darkened hall there was a sign for the restroom.

A few minutes later she stepped out of the restroom and pulled her phone from her bag to check for messages. Nothing but a couple of updates from Carisi on a DV case and a message from Barba asking how things went. Just as she was about to call him back with the details she heard a crash coming from the opposite direction.

Olivia looked back and saw a single office light streaming into the hallway a couple doors down. She paused and listened for anymore commotion. She heard some hushed voices and started to turn back toward the elevators.

Before she could take a step, Olivia heard another crash and a woman's voice call out. That got her attention more fully, and she turned toward the sound.

As she got closer to the door, she heard a woman's voice say, "Please." Then a man's voice that was too muffled to make out.

"I won't tell anyone," the woman's voice said. Olivia couldn't tell if the woman sounded upset or not. She honestly wasn't sure what she was overhearing, but given her line of work, she felt compelled to check it out.

She planned to casually walk by the office and glance inside to make sure everything was okay. What she saw caused her to freeze on the spot.

There in the office, with their hands all over each other, was Ed Tucker and an attractive, middle-aged blond woman she'd never seen before.

Time stopped.

But then again, it didn't. In a split second, Olivia scanned the scene. There was an overturned wire basket on the floor near the corner of the desk with papers strewn around it. Next to that, in front of the desk, was a metal pen holder, on its side with pens and pencils scattered about.

The blond was up against the desk with her knee length navy skirt hiked way up her thigh as her leg was half wrapped around one of his. Her cream colored blouse was half unbuttoned. One of her hands gripped Ed's tie and the other was flat against his chest.

Olivia must have gasped out loud because both Ed and the woman immediately turned to look at her. It took everything in her not to actually let her mouth fall open in shock. She couldn't seem to move or speak. She kept taking in the sight before her.

Ed was holding the woman's upper arms, but as soon as he saw Olivia his hands fell away. He quickly stepped back, and a blush started to creep up his neck.

"I'm sorry," the woman said. She quickly pulled at her blouse with one hand while attempting to smooth her skirt down with the other as she stepped around Ed.

"I… I…" the woman stuttered looking at Olivia with wide eyes. "I've got to get out of here." Then she rushed out of the office and down the hallway. It occurred to her that it was an odd reaction considering Olivia didn't know the woman, but she was too distracted by the whole thing to pay attention.

Ed stared at Olivia.

She stared back.

His blue tie was loosened, but still hanging around his neck. His suit collar was a little turned up on one side, and his white shirt was half untucked in the front. His breaths were coming quick.

 _Sonofabitch_ , she thought. Of all the people to interrupt in an office tryst, it had to be him.

She was also mildly appalled. She'd never taken Ed as the kind of guy to do that sort of thing. Especially not in an office at 1PP.

Once upon a time, she'd been pretty confident that she'd finally gotten to know the real Ed Tucker. That he was the one for her. That he'd meant it when he said things like "always" and "I'm not going anywhere." Clearly he hadn't meant it. He left. So what did she really know at all?

"Olivia," Ed finally said, breaking her out of her thoughts. "It's not what you think."

It felt as if he was reading her mind. She wanted to have a quick retort, but she couldn't seem to form words at the moment.

The blush of his skin grew deeper. He took a step toward her and frowned when she simultaneously backed away and refused to maintain eye contact.

"It's really none of my business, is it?" She said, barely able to keep her voice steady. Then she turned on her heel and hurried back toward the elevators.

He called after her, and for a few seconds, she thought he might follow.

She didn't know whether or not to feel relieved when he didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: Dear Anastasia Beaverhausen, this one's for you...

* * *

Olivia spent the next two days trying to focus on the case and not Ed Tucker. At least they were finally making some progress on the case.

She could thank Carisi and Fin for that. They'd finally caught a break. Three of the women were connected through a musical theater camp in Maine. The other two had both attended a young adults' summer camp in the city. There were only two men who'd taught at both locations.

One of the men was a professor at Juilliard but was confined to a wheelchair. There was no way he could have carried out the attack.

The other was a vocal coach who'd had a promising Broadway career twenty years ago, but a botched vocal cord surgery had left him unable to sing. His sister had died two months ago. The team wasn't sure exactly how that played into it, but it clearly was the impetus that started the spree of attacks.

They hadn't been able to locate the suspect, and the apartment he shared with his sister looked like it hadn't been lived in for weeks. They had unis sitting on it in case he came back. Rollins was out in Montauk following up on a lead about some workshops the guy had hosted there last summer.

Fin and Carisi were combing through the rosters of any of the perp's former students to see if any more of them were currently in a show. His first attack had been on a Friday night, but all four after that came in the wee hours of the morning after the Saturday night shows of his victims. Since it was only Wednesday, they figured that would give them a couple days to keep working on tracking him down, and to identify any potential targets.

That meant, that for the first time in two weeks, Olivia was going to make it home in time to have dinner and bath time with Noah. While she'd made it home for bedtime last night, it had been over a week since she'd been home for his full nighttime routine.

She grabbed her jacket and scarf and slung her bag over her shoulder. Before she even made it out of her office, her phone buzzed. She groaned and said a silent prayer that it wasn't bad news.

She tightened her jaw when she saw it was a text from Ed. That was the last name she expected to see. She took a deep breath and unlocked her phone to read the message.

 _Can we talk?_

Olivia let her bag slide off her shoulder and to the floor. For a few minutes she just stared at the message.

He wanted to talk? About what? He'd clearly moved on.

Meanwhile, even though she'd never admit it, there'd been many early mornings over the past four months when she'd woken up and rolled over to "his" side of the bed half expecting to find him there. She refused to let herself dwell on that or on him.

 _Not sure what there is to say._ Was her hastily typed response.

She saw the notification that her message had been read. Then three little dots appeared.

Then disappeared.

Then appeared again.

Olivia held her breath unsure what to expect back from him. Maybe he'd let it go. He clearly didn't have an answer.

After almost two full minutes of watching what much been him typing and deleting various responses, she decided he was going to leave it alone. Instead, her phone vibrated again signaling he'd finally figured out something to say.

 _Please, Olivia. It's important._

She sighed.

What was that supposed to mean? She wasn't sure what to say without sounding like a jilted lover, but she wasn't ready to see him. It'd been hard enough to accept that she apparently wasn't worth fighting for to him. But to know that he'd moved on so quickly just twisted the knife. She couldn't face that or him right now.

 _Maybe you should ask your new girlfriend for help …_ Olivia typed out before immediately deleting it. She refused to be that petty and pathetic.

 _After what I've seen, it's pretty clear there's nothing left for us to talk about._ This time she pressed send, silenced her phone and put it in her bag.

She wrapped her scarf around her neck and headed out. She was determined not to let him derail her plans to spend the whole evening with her son.

That proved to be more difficult than she'd ever admit. All through the evening, she kept flashing back to images of Ed and that woman, whoever she was. Then she'd think of his text request, and she couldn't help but wonder what the hell he wanted.

Olivia's mind was still reeling while she tucked Noah into bed after their fourth story. She'd turned her phone back on when she got home because she couldn't be totally unreachable. She'd immediately noticed that Ed had never replied.

That wasn't what she expected at all. She poured herself a glass of wine and sat down on the couch. She couldn't resist the urge to check the message thread to confirm that he had not responded. She was a little embarrassed by her icy tone, but what did he expect.

Her phone rang right at that moment, and she almost dropped it in surprise.

Recovering, she noticed the name on the caller ID, Chief Dodds. It was just after 8:30pm, so it couldn't be good news. Olivia just hoped it wasn't a problem with the serial rapist case. It rang again, and she was in danger of losing the call to voicemail. She swiped the screen to accept the call.

"Benson," she answered. She stood and walked over to the window, hoping that she wasn't about to be called back in tonight.

"Lieutenant," Dodds said.

"Please don't tell me there's a problem with the case," she said, the fatigue evident in her voice.

"No, not that I'm aware," he said.

When he didn't continue, Olivia started to get annoyed. He was calling her well into the evening, the least he could do was get to the point.

"Well, then?" She heard him breathe deeply before he finally spoke.

"Did you see Ed Tucker at 1PP two nights ago?"

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: you're gonna have to trust me…

The next morning, Olivia tossed the her nearly empty coffee cup into the trashcan on the corner as she hurried to meet Chief Dodds outside of 1PP. The echoes of his words the previous night were still ringing in her ears.

" _You're being asked to come in tomorrow morning to give a statement," he said. "The woman you saw with him has accused Tucker of assault. He's on paid leave pending a preliminary investigation to determine if charges will be filed."_

In the moment, she'd fallen silent while her brain tried to process what she was hearing. Then she went on the defense. This had to be some mistake, she'd insisted, Ed would never. Dodds claimed to agree with her, but it didn't change the fact that she had to show up at 1PP and tell them what she'd witnesses.

She'd been up half the night trying to figure out what the hell had happened. She'd desperately wanted to call Ed, but Dodds said it'd be better for her and for him if they didn't have any contact until after she talked to the brass.

Now, she felt bad for not responding to Ed's text the night before. Partly because she wanted to know what was going on but even more so because she knew he must be devastated by the accusation.

Her biggest worry was that she hadn't really seen anything that would absolutely exonerate him. Of course, she hadn't seen anything to confirm the woman's claims either. In fact, the thought would have never occurred to her.

Dodds tried to be supportive and told her that it was just a formality. She hoped, for Ed's sake that he was right.

Olivia was surprised when Dodds left her in the waiting area. Apparently this hearing was above even his paygrade.

Twenty minutes later, she was sitting before the panel of two suits and someone from the General Counsel's office. She didn't know any of them.

"Lieutenant," the first suit said. "Thank you for coming."

She nodded and fought to keep from rolling her eyes. It wasn't like she had choice.

"We have some questions about what you saw on the evening of September 18 around 8:45pm," the lawyer said.

"First," she began. "I'd like to say, for the record, that I do not believe the accusations against Captain Tucker."

"That's not pertinent to our investigation at this time. We only want to know what you saw."

Olivia sighed. She wished she could get out of this. She felt like she had to carefully choose every word to make sure she wasn't saying something they could misinterpret or use against him later. The three men let her explain what she'd seen uninterrupted the first time through. Then came the questions.

"Lieutenant, you and Captain Tucker used to be involved?"

"Yes," Olivia answered flatly. She assumed this was coming, but it didn't make it any easier to discuss with three strangers.

"And you're not any longer?"

"Correct," she said.

"Was it an amicable separation?"

"If you're asking if our personal history will influence my statement, the answer is no," she said hoping to put the topic to rest. Thankfully after a couple more questions, they moved on.

They picked apart every detail of her statement. Where were Ed's hands? Where were the woman's? What was their state of dress? Did she hear anything before she entered the room? Did the woman make any kind of outcry or accusation at the time? Did Ed say anything to her? Had she had any contact with Ed since the incident?

Olivia was frustrated at having to answer the same questions again and again. She knew it was just part of the drill to make sure she was consistent and to try and get at anything she may have left out whether intentionally or not.

"So your testimony is that what you witnessed was consensual?"

"Yes," she said. "You can ask me in ten different ways, and my answer will be the same. Nothing I saw or heard gave any indication that it wasn't. And while you said it's not relevant to your investigation, I would like my official statement to include that I do not believe Captain Tucker to be capable of these accusations."

"Okay, Lieutenant," the attorney said somewhat condescendingly. "Thank you for your statement. We'll contact you if we need any additional information or have any questions."

And that was that. The whole interview lasted about forty-five minutes. She stepped out of the interrogation room and her breath caught when she saw Ed sitting in the waiting area. He looked up at the sound of the door opening.

He didn't say a word, just swallowed and stood.

"Ed." She looked at him, and could see the weight of the accusation hanging on him like a dark cloud.

"They already called you in?" He asked, his voice more unsteady than she'd ever heard him.

She nodded and took him in. He looked like hell, and he was doing the little sniffle and eye contact avoidance thing he did when he was uncomfortable. Even without direct eye contact, she could see that he wasn't handling this well. She worried that meant there was a danger of him not getting out of it unscathed.

"I'm so sorry," she said quietly. "I…"

"Ed. Olivia," Rita Calhoun said approaching them quickly from down the hallway. "I think we all know that this is not the time or the place."

Normally Olivia would have rolled her eyes at Rita's condescending tone, but the attorney was right. It probably wasn't best for them to have an awkward conversation right outside the interrogation room.

Ed, however, seemed stuck. He didn't respond to Rita. His eyes were now fixed on Olivia.

"Right," Rita said taking Ed's elbow and nudging him toward a couple chairs on the other side of the door to the room. "Let's go."

Rita gave Olivia a hard look, clearly expecting her to end the moment since Ed appeared incapable. Olivia obliged.

She was distracted most of the way back to her office. Seeing Ed again. It pained her to see how much this had affected him. He may have broken her heart, but she couldn't deny that she still cared for him, more than she cared to admit.

Her instinct was to call him and make sure he was okay. To offer support. She almost did several times throughout the afternoon, but she could never bring herself to connect the call.

She was worried though. If 1PP was moving this quickly and Rita Calhoun was representing him, his accuser must have some modicum of credibility. It didn't make any sense.

Olivia simply couldn't reconcile that thought with the man she knew. There was no way. There must be something else at play.

She could drive herself crazy with speculation. There was only one way to find out truth.

She picked up her phone and typed out a quick message.

 _Call me if you still want to talk._

 _ **tbc**_


	4. Chapter 4

a/n: Thanks for the reviews! I thought we'd get a little bit of Ed's perspective this time. It's a bit short, but there's more to come soon…

* * *

Ed stared at the text message from Olivia. He wanted to feel relieved that she'd reached out. Instead he was conflicted.

Rita had warned him not to contact Olivia and had been livid when she found out he'd texted her before she was called in. She was somewhat relieved that Olivia seemed to be smart enough not to get involved before she gave her statement. Of course, Rita didn't know that wasn't Olivia's motive or understanding at the time.

While Ed thought Rita had a point about them speaking before Olivia talked to 1PP, he didn't agree with her that it mattered now. Rita insisted that anything he said to her might cause Olivia to falter if she was called back to 1PP. Even if it was only subconsciously. He thought she was being overly cautious.

At the moment, Ed didn't care. It'd been a little more than four months since Olivia had sent him packing. He still wasn't over her. He didn't think he ever would be.

He'd tried, really tried to figure out how to make it work. He'd done everything he could to convince her, to fight for them, and she still pushed him away.

He hadn't been enough.

That was the thought that kept him up at night. Now she was being forced back into his life in the worst possible way. He found himself desperate to talk to her. Rita had said that Benson's statement did nothing to either implicate or clear him. Based on what she'd probably seen, that made sense, Rita seemed to take it was some kind of proof that Olivia wasn't on his side. Ed didn't think so.

She might have broken his heart, but she wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt him. Of that he was certain. She couldn't believe any of this was true. She knew him better than that.

Still, he wanted to see her. To hear it directly from her, face to face.

To hell with legal advice, he thought.

* * *

An hour later, Ed sat in a dark wooden booth at the back of a small pub in Hell's Kitchen. He was actually nervous.

He couldn't help but think back to another time in another bar when he anxiously awaited Olivia's arrival. He'd had every intention of telling her to walk away from him before the shit with his cousin Eugene spilled into her life. He'd even convinced himself that she would take his offer of an out and walk away rather than risk her career to help him. When she didn't, he was floored.

It was at that moment he'd known. He knew that she was in it for the long haul with him. That they could weather anything as long as they were together.

That thought stuck with him as he took a sip of his bourbon savoring the burn as it slid down his throat. He knew from experience that there wasn't a drink strong enough to numb the pain of losing her, but at least it took the edge off his nerves.

His phone was sitting on the table next to his drink. It lit up with a notification of a message from her. Fearing she was canceling on him, he took another sip of his drink before flicking the screen to open the message.

 _Got held up, be there in ten._

He didn't respond. She wouldn't expect him to.

He wondered what she did expect. He'd been mostly relieved when he'd gotten her text this afternoon. It had been a rude awakening when she refused to hear him out two days before. He wasn't surprised, but he'd let himself hope, just a little bit that she would listen when he'd said it was important.

When she hadn't responded at all, it threw him. Their separation had been hard on him, and he knew it probably had been for her, too. He really didn't think she would completely avoid him like that, but who knew what she'd thought after what she'd walked in on. He'd started wondering if she'd already heard about the accusations.

He stopped himself from going any further down that train of thought. He didn't need to be anymore worked up than he already was when she finally arrived.

Instead he focused on what he was going to tell her. How he was going to explain.

Ed shook his head as he sipped his bourbon. He should have known better. He should have listened to his instinct about Theresa Young, his accuser. He knew from the get that there was something off with her, but he'd never seen this coming.

And the odds that Olivia would walk in on them. That she'd be called to give a statement in a hearing about him.

It made him nauseous to think that she might have misunderstood the encounter. That anyone could think him capable of abusing his position like that. He told himself that Olivia had to know him better than that. Even if she'd broken up with him, she still knew him, right?

Ed heard the bells over the door ring signaling the arrival of a new customer.

He didn't have to look up to know it was her.

 _ **tbc**_


	5. Chapter 5

a/n: Sorry it's so short, but we finally get a Tuckson moment, angst-filled, but still...

* * *

Olivia spotted him almost immediately. She knew that even though he hadn't looked up, Ed knew she was there. She could tell by the way his shoulders straightened ever so slightly.

He appeared to be studying the little bit of bourbon that was left in his glass, but she guessed he was taking one last moment to collect himself. She took a deep breath and made her way to the booth where he was sitting.

It scared her that he still hadn't acknowledged her by the time she got to the table. She didn't know what to expect when he finally started to lift his head.

Ed's eyes very briefly found hers before he looked away. She couldn't stop the little gasp that escaped her lips.

He looked almost as stricken as he had the night he left her apartment for the last time. Even worse, his expression was filled with doubt. Whether that doubt was in her or himself, she wasn't sure.

It was a painful thing. To be here, under these circumstances, but to be so far apart in every way imaginable.

Despite his state of distress, Ed started to stand when she got close.

"Don't get up," she said quickly and slid onto the bench across from him.

He stopped mid rise and sat back down. His eyes immediately fell back to his drink without ever looking directly at her. She watched him and waited.

What felt like several minutes passed. Olivia finally couldn't take it any longer.

"Ed." Her voice was soft and breathy, a dead give away that her emotions were lurking just below the surface. "Talk to me."

Before he could respond, the bartender showed up. He was older man with a gruff look about him, but his eyes were kind.

"For you ma'am," he said placing a tumbler of what appeared to be bourbon on the rocks in front of her. Then he sat another one minus the ice in front Ed.

"Tucker," the man said almost with a question.

Ed nodded and mumbled his thanks. The bartender turned back to Olivia with a raised eyebrow. Then he wandered back toward the bar without waiting for her to respond.

When Ed still didn't appear ready to talk, Olivia fought back her frustration. She didn't want to be selfish, but this wasn't exactly easy for her either.

"Ed," she said trying to keep her tone even. "If you're going to pre-order my drink, you can at least talk to me."

He huffed, and she wasn't sure if it was out of resignation or annoyance. He took a sip of his drink and looked up at her.

Olivia offered a sympathetic half smile and tried not to remember the last time they met in a bar much like this one. When he'd shown up prepared to give her an out that she wouldn't have dreamed of taking. She'd been proud of herself at the time for not running when things got tough.

So much for that.

Neither of them could figure out how to ignore the agonizing distance between them, but this wasn't the time to dwell on what might have been. Olivia finally took a drink. She hated how awkward things had become for them.

"I'm sorry you got wrapped up in this," he finally said. Then silence.

Despite the uniqueness of the current situation, she'd never seen him like this. It was unnerving.

"Ed, what the hell happened?" She asked. Maybe if she just put it out there, he'd start talking.

Instead she saw fear flash in his eyes. Recognizing it for what it was, she was pissed and more than a little hurt. She looked away, shaking her head.

"Ed Tucker, if you think for one second I'd even entertain such a…"

His hand on hers stopped her before she launched into what certainly would have become an emotional rant. She looked back at him, then down to their hands. He immediately withdrew.

"Thank you," he said. His voice was still low, but the relief on his features and in his posture was impossible to miss.

She wanted to still feel hurt that he'd have ever thought she'd doubt him on something like this. Regardless of their history, she knew him. She knew his character.

"I guess I just needed to hear it from you," he continued. The fear in his eyes was now replaced with an apology. Not because he'd actually ever doubted her, but for how much he seemed to need her and her faith in him in this moment.

Just like that, Olivia's anger melted away.


	6. Chapter 6

a/n: since the last one was so short, here's an extra-long update :)

* * *

"How'd it go this morning?" Olivia asked. Ed had finally started to explain what happened that night, but he seemed hesitant to go into detail. Olivia decided to focus on where things stood at 1PP in hopes he would eventually open up more.

"I'm on administrative leave pending the investigation," Ed said.

"This woman can't possibly have a case." It was clearly a statement, not a question.

"It's policy," he said. "Doesn't matter if she's credible or not."

"So what did happen?" Olivia couldn't wrap her head around it, and while she didn't want to ask the obvious, they couldn't really continue otherwise. "Was there anything…um, something…were you involved with her?"

She hated that she was so obviously flustered by the notion that he might have already moved on, but she had no idea what would cause someone to accuse Ed of this. Jilted lover seemed as likely as anything.

"No." He started to say something else, but stopped himself.

It was Olivia's turn to feel relieved. Though it shouldn't matter, and it bothered her how much it did.

"There hasn't been anyone," he quickly added.

She had to look away from the intensity of his gaze. "Oh," was the only syllable she could muster in that moment.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," he said, suddenly shifting gears. "Theresa really has it in for me."

"What brought this on?" Olivia asked. "Do you have any ideas?"

"It's odd," Ed began. "She acted…" He sighed and paused.

She nodded encouraging him to continue.

"I don't know," he said. "She acted interested."

"Interested how?" Not that she really wanted to know.

"Since the day we hired her about a month ago, she was different toward me." Ed shifted uncomfortably in his chair and had reverted to staring at the bourbon in his glass. "Nothing overt, but noticeable."

"Noticeable?" Olivia said, using the same techniques she'd use in an interview with a victim to try and draw him out. Repeat his terminology, maintain a neutral expression. It seemed to be working.

"Yeah, different." If he knew she was aligning herself with him, he didn't acknowledge it.

"Okay," she said with a nod. "Noticeable in what way?"

"It seemed like she was always finding excuses for us to be alone," he said. "Staying late when I did, lingering after meetings, asking for my help or advice on things she should have known."

"That's it?" Olivia was trying to wrap her head around the psychology of this woman, but nothing he'd told her seemed alarming. Maybe a bit obsessive or desperate, but not criminal.

"Liv," he said. "You've got to know, nothing she did or said gave any indication that this is where it was heading."

"So she was just trying to get something going?" She asked. "You ignored her? Didn't encourage her?"

"I told her I wasn't looking for anything or anyone," he said.

"So what happened that night?" Olivia asked. "Because it definitely looked like something."

Ed winced. Olivia realized that she'd suddenly gone from sympathizer to annoyed ex-girlfriend. Before she could offer an apology, he answered her.

"That night. It came out of nowhere." He looked away. "One minute she was dropping off some files, the next…"

Olivia raised an eyebrow. She still didn't understand how it got to where it was when she'd walked in.

"She just… sorta… launched herself at me," Ed said, obviously embarrassed trying to explain this.

"Did she say anything?" She asked.

He didn't answer immediately, and a blush spread down his neck.

"You don't have to tell me," Olivia said.

"It's okay," he said. "Just a little strange discussing this with you."

"Yeah." Olivia closed her eyes briefly, thinking how true that statement was.

"She said that no one had to know, that she didn't need a commitment, that I should stop being so buttoned up. All the while, she was grabbing at my tie, my shirt, her own clothes…"

He trailed off when it was apparent that Liv both got the gist and had heard enough. She was trying to wrap her head around the situation.

"So she pursued you, came onto you, and now she's the one crying foul?"

He nodded and went back to staring at his drink.

"You really think she would take it this far over a rejection?" Even for a woman obsessed, that seemed a bit extreme after such a short time.

"I honestly don't know what her motivation is," Ed said.

The conversation lulled as they each sipped on their drinks. Olivia wasn't sure where to go from here, and it appeared that Ed didn't either. However, there was one thing that had been weighing on her mind.

"So you really think you need a shark like Calhoun?" Olivia asked. If he thought he needed an attorney, there had to be something about this woman and her allegations that made him worry.

"She volunteered," he said.

Olivia furrowed her brow.

"After you, uh, walked in on… you know." Ed was stumbling all over himself. "I was… I needed someone to talk to."

Olivia didn't know how to respond, so she didn't.

"Rita's a friend," he said almost defensively.

"I didn't realize you were still close." Olivia immediately wanted to take back the words because it made her sound jealous.

"We have history," he said. "We hadn't been close for a while, but after you… after we…"

"It's okay," Olivia said wanting to get off of this topic. "You don't owe me an explanation."

He let out a heavy breath.

"What's her take on the allegations?" Olivia asked hoping to get back to neutral ground. Not that there was anything neutral about his situation.

"She thinks there could be some trouble," he said.

"What?" Olivia couldn't believe it. "How?"

"Not everyone was happy I was chosen for this position," he said. "I haven't spent my career making a lot of friends."

Again she didn't know exactly how to respond. So she just tilted her head.

"Me having a close connection to the new Commissioner only fuels my enemies," he said.

"1PP cronies are crying cronyism?" Olivia rolled her eyes. "That's rich."

He smirked.

"Enemies." She suddenly caught that part of his response. "You think someone is setting you up? That someone hates you enough to take it this far."

He shrugged and scrubbed his hand over his face. "Rita seems to think so."

They talked a little bit more about possible motives, but it was simply too early to guess anything. They didn't have any details.

Olivia planned to quietly check out this Theresa person, but she didn't tell Ed. She didn't want him to know she was looking into things. One, because she didn't want to implicate him since SVU had been recused from the investigation due to Ed's history with both Olivia and SVU. And two, because she didn't want him to read anything into it.

The tension had dissipated a little as they focused on the situation, but she knew she was reaching her limit. It was just too difficult to sit here and pretend like her hollowed out heart wasn't screaming for reprieve.

She fumbled around for her phone. Anything to have a break.

"I didn't even ask," Ed said. "How's Noah?"

Olivia was surprise by his abrupt change of subject, but she couldn't stop the smile from lighting up her face. "He's great."

Ed smiled, but his was tight.

"He asked about you," she said and immediately kicked herself. What was the point in telling him that? It didn't change anything.

"I've missed him," Ed said with sadness in his eyes.

She pressed her lips together and swallowed to keep from letting the emotion bubble to the surface.

"You, too." His voice was so low she almost wasn't sure she'd heard him.

"Ed," she warned.

The bartender came to the rescue, and she'd never been so thankful to be interrupted. "Can I get you another round?"

"No thanks," she said to the man. Then she looked to Ed. "Noah."

It was a lame excuse, and she knew it. So did he. It was barely 5:30, and she had plenty of time for another round.

"Of course," Ed said to her, then slid his now empty glass toward the edge of the table. "You can bring me another, Sean."

Olivia drained the last drops from her glass. Then she reached for her bag and tightened her scarf around her neck.

"You going to be okay?" She wasn't sure if she was asking because of the allegations or because she wanted to know if he felt the same crushing weight of loss that was now taking up all of the space between them.

"I'm fine, Liv," he said.

* * *

Later that week, Olivia and Noah were kneeling at the small table in his bedroom playing with a new puzzle that Carisi had given him. It was a little more complicated than Noah's kiddie puzzles and had 100 pieces.

"Is this a edge piece?" Noah asked holding up a piece that had a flat edge on two sides.

"Yes!" Olivia said. "That's a special edge piece. It's a corner."

"A corner." Noah said. It wasn't really a question. He knew what the word meant, but it was clear he didn't quite know what that meant in terms of a puzzle of this size.

"See," she said taking the piece and showing him the two edges. Then she showed him how to figure out what corner it was by comparing the piece to the picture on the box.

"Now try to find one of the other edges that go with it," she prompted and watched with a smile as searched through the pieces. She wouldn't trade these moments for anything.

Tonight was extra special according to Noah. Even though Olivia had to work the next day, Noah didn't have school because it was a teacher day. Since he could sleep in, Olivia caved when he asked if he could stay up late. Of course, late only meant an extra thirty minutes because she didn't want him to get too off on his schedule.

It made Olivia happy to see his mischievous little grin when he thought he was getting away with something by staying up past eight o'clock. Everything about Noah made her happy, even when it was a challenge to balance her life and career.

"Mommy," Noah called, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Look what I did!"

She looked down and saw that he'd gotten one whole corner almost finished. "Wow, that was fast!"

He beamed.

"You're my smart boy!" She said and leaned down to kiss him on the top of his head.

"Yep!" He said with a smile and went back to work filling in the puzzle.

Olivia watched and cheered him on each time he found another correct match up. When he stalled she helped point him in the right direction. It was a simple little mother and son party, but she wouldn't want it any other way.

Noah was just putting the last piece in the puzzle when there was a knock at the door.

 _ **tbc**_

p.s. I promise you this, it's definitely not Sheila…


	7. Chapter 7

a/n: Trying to get back in the grove with a very short post-holiday update.

* * *

Olivia sent Noah to go brush his teeth and start winding down for bed while she went to see who was at her door. Very few people would just show up unannounced at 8pm.

She smiled as she heard Noah humming the little song the dentist had taught him to make sure he brushed his teeth well enough. She was relieved that his developmental delays seemed to be a thing of the past, but as a mom, it was bittersweet watching him become so independent.

Her smile faded when she looked through the peephole. She unlatched the chain and unlocked the deadbolt. Then she took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Rita?" Olivia knew that such a visit couldn't mean anything good.

"Olivia," Rita said stepping forward. "I hope it's okay for me to drop by."

Olivia surprised herself by letting Rita brush past her into the apartment.

"Come in," Olivia said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Mommy," Noah said running out to the living room. "I brushed." He flashed a big toothy smile as proof.

"Good boy!" Olivia scooped him up. "How about you snuggle up on mommy's bed with the iPad and watch one of your videos?"

"I can stay up more later?" He asked clearly in awe of this new privilege.

"Just for a little bit," Olivia said to him as she put him down and scooted him off toward her bedroom. "Mommy's friend won't be staying long."

Olivia was grateful when Rita nodded her agreement. Her relief dissipated when Rita took the jacket and work tote hanging on her arm and slung them over the back of one of the kitchen barstools.

"What's with the house call?" Olivia asked. "Is everything okay? Ed's okay?"

"So you do care about what happens to him?" Rita said. Her tone was even more snide than usual.

"Of course," Olivia immediately responded.

"That's interesting because it doesn't look that way," Rita said.

"What are you getting at?" Olivia had no idea what precipitated this ambush.

"I get that things didn't work out between you," Rita said. "And it must have been especially awkward running into him like you did."

Olivia smirked.

"You need to leave him alone," Rita said.

"I think Ed can decide who he talks to." Olivia didn't like the implication. Was this about their conversation at the bar? Or did Rita know more than she was letting on?

"As long as the investigation is pending, it doesn't look good for you two to be out on the town."

"You can't be serious." Now, Olivia was full on angry.

"And you can't be that stupid," Rita said with a bit of side eye.

"We had one drink." Olivia was unsuccessful in trying to keep her voice down. If their little visit in the bar a couple nights ago was Rita's only motivation for being there, it really didn't make sense.

Rita didn't respond.

"Is there a reason you showed up here tonight?" Olivia decided to change tactics. "I'd like to get my son to bed before it gets too late."

Rita glanced toward the back of the apartment as if she just remembered there was a child in the other room. Then she gave Olivia a look of annoyance mixed with acceptance.

Olivia was confused by the hostility. The two women weren't friends, per se, but at least they were on the same side here. Ed's. She couldn't figure out why Rita was coming at her like this.

"Olivia," Rita said. "I get that your history with IAB and 1PP has given you some kind of insane need to always tell the truth and nothing but the truth, but your statement didn't help."

"According to Ed, it didn't hurt either." Olivia was feeling defensive and she didn't like it.

"No," Rita began. "But…"

"But nothing," Olivia said. "Why are you here? Is there something you want from me? Or did you just stop by to..."

Rita cut her off.

"Take a step back Olivia. You've done what you had to do, now just leave it alone. Leave him alone."

"I… what?" Olivia was stunned.

Rita grabbed her jacket and bag and headed for the door.

"That's what I came here to say," Rita said. "Let this go."

With that Rita grabbed her things and breezed out of Olivia's apartment.

Olivia was rooted to her spot on the floor. She tried to process what had just happened and why she was being warned off of helping Ed. There's no way Rita could know what Olivia had done.

"Mommy?" Noah called from the hallway, snapping her from her haze.

tbc


	8. Chapter 8

a/n: Too much adulting in my life lately, but hopefully making up for the delay with a bit longer update.

* * *

The next night, Olivia sat in front of her computer with a glass of wine and relished in the early night. Noah, having been a little grumpy from his late night the day before, was in bed by 7:45. So she had a few hours to look at the files she'd received earlier that day.

She took a sip of her wine and fiddled with the flash drive, trying it a couple times before she got it the right way. A message immediately popped up on the screen asking for a password. She fished the little slip of paper from her pocket and typed it in. Within seconds, a folder opened. It was full of thumbnails of photos.

Olivia sighed as she perused the images. It wasn't at all what she'd hoped to find. They all showed Ed seemingly encroaching on the woman's space.

There was no video or audio, just poor quality screen captures of videos that had mysteriously disappeared. Security footage that had supposedly been erased. Security footage she'd gone out on a limb to obtain.

The angles were odd, and the images on this drive were clearly not showing the complete picture. There were obvious gaps in the timestamps.

Now, it looked as though the evidence would only serve to further bury Tucker. They needed to buy time until her source could find the missing video. Given the NYPD's redundant systems, she hoped there was a backup somewhere on some forgotten server.

She quickly closed the file and disconnected the flash drive from her personal laptop. She thought about destroying it, but she didn't want to completely lose the information until she was able to get her hands on a complete file, assuming it still existed somewhere.

She hid the little thumb drive inside an empty magazine in the gun safe she'd bought after Noah came into the picture. Then she grabbed her phone and sent a quick text. All it said was "incomplete?" The recipient would hopefully know what it meant. She refused to risk any more detail over the phone, considering what was at stake.

Before she could put her phone down, it buzzed in her hand. Fin's name popped up, so she knew she had to take the call.

It had taken a week, but they'd finally tracked their Broadway rapist to a small town in Connecticut. He was leading a week long acting seminar series. The local precinct was skeptical of the NYPD, so it had taken some finesse to get them to agree to the extradition. But the perp hadn't assaulted anyone in their jurisdiction, at least not that they were aware, so Olivia convinced them to hand him over.

That was three days ago. Fin had gone up solo to retrieve the guy. Every day, the "hillbillies" as Fin called them, came up with excuse after excuse. Olivia couldn't understand why they were wasting the resources, but she still had to deal with it.

She listened as Fin took the next few minutes to fill her in. Bottom line, he needed back up and more clout.

"Let me make a few calls and talk to Barba," Olivia said, frustration evident in her voice. "I'll call you back."

"Sorry, Liv," Fin said.

"Not your fault," Olivia answered. "I know this is just as frustrating for you."

Over an hour later, Olivia had told Carisi to dig deeper into any possible Connecticut connections, put Barba on standby if they needed to have an DA to DA intervention and notified Chief Dodds of the delay.

Of course, Dodds was the one that required the most restraint and finesse. She didn't want to elevate it to his level unless she absolutely had to. She didn't think she was at that breaking point. Naturally, Dodds did, but hey finally compromised. Liv and her team had 48 hours to get the dirt bag into NYPD custody, or Dodds was stepping in.

* * *

"Thanks, Barba," Olivia said with relief as they stood in her office the next morning.

"I'd say you owe me one," Barba said with a waggle of his brow as he scooped his coat off the back of one of the guest chairs in Olivia's office and draped it over his arm.

"I don't think so," she said with a serious tone belied by the smile hiding just behind her eyes.

"We'll see about that," Barba said.

Then he grabbed his briefcase and headed for the door.

Olivia smiled to herself as she watched him go. She did owe him. She didn't know exactly who he called or what strings he pulled, but their Broadway rapist was now in the back of Fin's car on his way to the tombs. And she'd avoided having to give Dodds ego a boost if he'd have been the one to save the day.

Owing Barba was easy. He was one of the few people she considered a friend, and he'd be satisfied with a Scotch.

Owing Dodds. That was a political debt she didn't need or want.

Her phone buzzed. She looked down at the screen and her smile immediately faded. It was a response to her text about the incomplete data on the flash drive.

 _I know. And we have a bigger problem._

* * *

"Dammit, Ed," Rita said with a sigh. "I can't have this conversation again."

"Then drop it," he said without bothering to look up from his drink. He didn't want to have this conversation again either, and he wished she'd stop bringing it up.

"If I can prove that Olivia is connected to this," Rita said leaning forward a little on her barstool to try and get him to look at her. "Then will you accept that you need to stay away from her?"

"She's not," Ed said with a clenched jaw. "She wouldn't..." his voice trailed off. He couldn't explain how he knew. He just did.

"So it's just a big coincidence," she said with a huff. "1PP's best tech guru has suddenly become completely inept, and he just happens to have known and worked for over a decade with none other than Olivia Benson?"

Ed finally looked at her, and the fire in his eyes answered the question.

"And I thought she was the idiot," Rita said mostly to herself.

"What was that?" Ed said, suddenly curious. Why would Rita think Olivia was acting like an idiot? Had they spoken? Was there something Rita wasn't telling him?

As if realizing her mistake, Rita quickly explained. "For meeting you the other night."

"Well, I can't undo that, and it's not as if we've spoken since," Ed said. "I don't see why you're making a federal case outs of this."

"I saw your phone when you went to the jon," Rita said without any pretense of guilt for snooping. "It was open to her last text to you."

"Which was days ago," Ed said. He didn't even care that she'd invaded his privacy. He just wanted this to be over. All of it.

"I know you," she answered simply. "You were debating whether or not to text her again."

"So fucking what if I was," he said. "It's not like I did."

"Then tell me you won't."

He turned away from her again and leaned forward with his elbows resting on the bar. He signaled the bartender for another drink and was relieved when he caught Rita's hand cover her glass indicating she would not be staying for another round.

"Ed," she prompted when he didn't answer.

"I won't promise you that," he said. "Because I can't."

That was true. Rita's assumption was also true. He had been contemplating texting or calling Olivia. Despite the tension and awkwardness when they'd last seen each other, he'd taken comfort in her, in seeing her faith in him first hand. It had only been a few days ago, but he already felt like he needed another dose of her.

He knew Rita believed him, but the only person whose opinion mattered was Olivia.

He laughed to himself. He was being pathetic.

Rita placed a hand on his forearm in an uncharacteristically sympathetic gesture. He kept his head mostly bowed but looked back at her.

"I'm on your side here," she said, her tone slightly less agitated than before.

"I know," he said. She had been. She'd been there for him many times before in many different ways, and she was there for him now. He knew she was trying to do what she thought was best for him.

"Well?" She said.

"She is, too." His voice held a quiet defiance.

Rita closed her eyes in defeat. She patted his arm as she stood and retrieved her things. "At least don't text her when your drunk."

Then she was gone, and Ed was left alone with his bourbon and his thoughts.

Pathetic or not. If he couldn't have Olivia's heart, right now, he'd settle for the consolation prize of her trust in his character.


	9. Chapter 9

a/n: It's a snowy Friday, and I know I could use a distraction.

* * *

Across the East River in a quiet little Williamsburg tavern, Olivia sat at a high-top near the back awaiting her rendezvous. She tapped her fingers on the stem of her wine glass. She'd yet to take a drink though she'd been served almost 20 minutes ago.

She was nervous.

First, because he was late, and second, because of what he might tell her. What if they knew? What if she'd been found out? What if she'd made a mistake?

Her mind was racing.

She had a sense of dread that she hadn't been able to shake all day. She'd put herself on the line, and something had apparently gone wrong. If it came back to bite her, she could handle it. If she'd somehow made things worse for Ed.

She'd never forgive herself.

"Olivia," a man's voice called.

She looked up to see Ruben Morales standing across from her. She'd been so lost in thought she didn't see or hear him approach. Not the greatest reaction from a seasoned police officer on a somewhat clandestine meetup.

"Ruben," she said. "Please, sit."

He obliged, but he couldn't seem to resist the urge to look around the place to make sure they weren't recognized.

"I'm pretty sure we're safe here." Olivia almost smiled.

He shrugged. They both knew they were out on a limb.

Olivia had only recently found out that Morales had been snatched up by 1PP. She knew that he'd suddenly stopped working on SVU cases several years ago, but she'd didn't know why until they ran into each other during one of her seemingly frequent trips to the building.

They hadn't been close, but he'd helped her out a few times and vice versa. She'd been tentative about asking him for help, but he hadn't hesitated. Olivia honestly didn't care about his motivation as long as he came through and kept her involvement quiet.

"I'm not so sure about that," Morales said.

Olivia looked around trying to find the source of his angst.

"Not here," he said leaning forward and dropping his voice. "Just not so sure we haven't been found out."

"What?" She said resting her forearms on the table and mimicking his pose. "I thought you said you could cover your tracks."

"I can," he said with a bit of arrogance. "But Ed's attorney, that Calhoun woman..."

Olivia immediately straightened up.

"…I think she knows," Morales continued.

"How is that possible?" Olivia shook her head. It wasn't the worst possible outcome, but it definitely wasn't a positive development.

"I don't know," Morales said. "She submitted a formal inquiry into my investigation of the missing security footage. I didn't get a good look at the entire letter, but it said something about gross incompetence and mentioned our previous work history."

"Shit." Olivia knew that if Rita even suspected something, she wouldn't hesitate to use anything at her disposal to exonerate Ed regardless of who was scorched in the process.

"Take me through everything you know," Olivia said. She had to remain calm and separate herself from the matter at hand. That was the only way she had any hope of finding a way out.

Morales settled back in his chair a little. Olivia's calm outward façade seemed to put him at ease.

"Step by step," she said.

He took a deep breath. Then, he started explaining everything that had happened since she contacted him three days ago.

* * *

Ed woke late the next morning. He wished it was Saturday because his head was pounding with the remnants of last night's excess.

He cursed himself as he pulled his phone from the nightstand to check the time. 9:18. He'd barely have time to shower. His first thought, however, was coffee.

He dragged himself from bed and into the bathroom where he splashed some cold water on his face before brushing his teeth. Clad in only his boxers he padded out to the kitchen to get some coffee brewing.

Minutes later he stood waiting for the Keurig to finish his extra strength brew. He suddenly had a flash of the night before. Something about Rita telling him not to text Olivia when he was drinking.

The coffee maker hissed.

Ed remembered typing out a message in defiance of Rita's proclamation. He remembered feeling angry but also sorry for himself. He remembered an intense need to talk to Olivia again.

He panicked.

Forgetting the coffee, Ed dashed back to his bedroom and grabbed his phone from the spot he'd tossed it on the unmade bed. He frantically swiped at the screen and hit the text app.

No new messages.

He tapped Olivia's name and held his breath for the split second it took to open. He breathed out wearily. There sat a blubbering message.

A mercifully unsent, blubbering message.

He stared at the words for a minute before deleting every single one. He'd never been more thankful to have not sent a text.

Sure, Ed wanted to see Olivia again. He wanted to talk to her. To soak up her presence. To beg her to give him another chance just like his text had almost pleaded. And at this particular moment, he didn't care if it made him desperate or needy. Still, he was glad he'd had the presence of mind not to hit the send button last night.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and headed back to the kitchen to get his coffee. Before he could do anything about her, he needed to get rid of his hangover.

* * *

Olivia stood outside the building that housed Rita's law firm. She'd lain awake half the night debating whether or not she should confront the woman. In her foggy, sleep-deprived state, she'd headed here before she could talk herself out of it.

Now, that she was here, some of her bravado had faded. She'd been loitering a couple blocks away for almost half an hour.

Of course, Olivia knew her own motives were innocent, and despite Rita's fishing, it wasn't likely that the attorney really knew anything. If Olivia tipped her hand, it might backfire.

"Dammit." She turned to walk back toward the corner to hail a cab. Now wasn't the time.

As she rounded the corner, she saw Ed rushing across the street heading straight toward her. She stopped in her tracks when he looked up and made eye contact.

"Liv," he said. "Why are you? What are you doing here?"

She was blocks from anywhere she should be, and the only thing in the near vicinity was Rita's office. This, they both knew.

"Nothing," she said. "I shouldn't have come."

He took her in and looked around. She could see the moment it clicked that she was coming from the direction of the office building. His brow furrowed and he huffed.

"I didn't," Olivia started. "I didn't go in."

"Oh," he said. She wondered what he was thinking, if Rita had told him her suspicions.

They were so awkward it was almost comical. Instead, it was a stark reminder that everything was a raging mess.

"Wait," he said looking relieved, but also confused. "Why not? Why were you here?"

"It's not important," she said quickly. "Like I said, I shouldn't have come."

"I'm glad," he said.

Olivia narrowed her eyes.

"I mean, it's good to see you." He seemed embarrassed by the admission.

"How are you?" She took in his appearance more fully. He looked a bit rough around the edges this morning. If she had to guess, she'd assume he was hungover, but she couldn't be sure if it wasn't just the toll of this case.

His only answer was a shrug and a sniffle, all while avoiding eye contact.

"That well?" She said ducking her head to try and catch his eye.

Despite his best efforts to hide it, Olivia was pretty sure he wanted to talk. Her anger at Rita momentarily forgotten, she focused on the man before her. She couldn't help but want to help him. To alleviate some of the weight holding him down.

"Ed," she placed her hand on his arm. "You want to go grab a cup of coffee?"

He looked up at her with a blank stare.

"You look like you could use it."

He didn't exactly smile, but his expression softened and his eyes closed briefly. Just as the other night, she swore she could see the tension dissipate from his features. That settled it.

"Come on," she nudged his elbow and turned them away from Rita's office. She was pretty sure there was a diner a couple blocks away where they could find a quiet corner.

"Thanks," Ed muttered as he allowed her to lead them down the street. After a few steps he slowed his pace.

Olivia was surprised and a little hurt until she saw him pull out his phone and send a text. Seconds later, Ed tensed when his phone buzzed a response.

He glanced at the screen and sighed. Apparently, he'd gotten the answer he wanted. He slipped his phone back in his pocket and resumed their original speed.

"Coffee." he said as though just now realizing where they were headed.

"Yeah," she said. Then she bumped his shoulder with hers. "You sure you're okay?"

"I am now."


	10. Chapter 10

_Where we left off…_

 _Olivia was surprised and a little hurt until she saw him pull out his phone and send a text. Seconds later, Ed tensed when his phone buzzed a response._

 _He glanced at the screen and sighed. Apparently, he'd gotten the answer he wanted. He slipped his phone back in his pocket and resumed their original speed._

" _Coffee." he said as though just now realizing where they were headed._

" _Yeah," she said. Then she bumped his shoulder with hers. "You sure you're okay?"_

" _I am now."_

* * *

He was okay, as long as Olivia was beside him.

After walking a few blocks, they found the diner Olivia had seen earlier and shuffled inside. She led them to a booth near the back as a red-headed waitress called to them that she'd be right over with menus and coffee.

The booths were worn, the red pleather cracked in several places. The Formica table top had aged a little better, but Olivia wondered if they were the original fixtures from 40 plus years ago.

The waitress arrived and slid two tattered, laminated menus on the table. "You both want coffee?"

Olivia nodded and reached to flip over the cup sitting in front of her while the waitress reached for the cup in front of Ed.

"Cream and sugar are in the caddy," the woman said. "I'll give you a couple minutes."

"Do you have a Bloody Mary?" Ed asked, much to Olivia's surprise. She'd never heard him order that, even the few times they'd gone to brunch. She glanced at her watch, it was only 10:15.

"Sure thing, honey," the waitress said. "Regular or spicy?"

"Spicy," he said and reached for a menu ignoring a shocked Olivia.

"You want something stronger, too?" The waitress asked Olivia.

"No, thank you," she answered. "I'm on duty."

"Right, right." The waitress smacked her gum and hurried off.

"Hair of the dog?" Olivia said half joking.

"It's not like _I'm_ on duty," Ed said taking a long sip of the coffee. The comment leaned toward bitter, but she sensed more sadness than anything.

She gave him a look, but who was she to judge.

"What's going on?" She didn't see any reason in beating around the bush. "You're in rare form, even given the circumstances."

He looked at her. Really studied her for an almost uncomfortable amount of time.

They were saved by the waitress who returned with his drink which was on the small side. They opted to just have their drinks and skip food. The waitress didn't seem to mind and said she'd bring over a carafe of coffee. Olivia assumed it was so she didn't have to be bothered with keeping up with refills, but it worked for the best, since it would give them some privacy.

"So?" She prompted once they were alone again.

"Rita thinks you're the reason the IT investigation is taking so long." Ed blurted out. It wasn't accusatory, just a statement of fact.

"I know," Olivia said. She wasn't sure how much she should tell him. He had a right to know, but until she had all the information, she thought it was best if he didn't. As it stood, he could claim ignorance of her actions. If she told him anything, he'd lose deniability. She wasn't sure he wouldn't see through her though.

"I told her you wouldn't do anything to…" He couldn't seem to bring himself to rehash the full thought. "I mean I know that you, that we..."

He sighed. His hands were folded around his coffee cup, the Bloody Mary still untouched. He was drumming his fingers along the thin handle of the white mug.

"The past is the past," Olivia said and reached for his hand the way she'd wanted to the last time she saw him. Then she'd stopped herself. Today, she didn't seem to have the self-control.

His fingers stilled at the contact, and he looked up at her.

"I would never do anything to try and bury you in this, Ed." Olivia's voice cracked. "I couldn't."

"I know."

"You have to believe that, okay?"

He nodded.

"No matter what happens, I'm on your side."

Another nod.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Olivia sipped at her coffee, and he finally reached for his drink.

He took a long drink and seemed to be satisfied. He looked at her, and she was shocked to see the change in him since she first ran into him on the street moments ago. His eyes were clearer, the self-doubt was rapidly dissipating and he was noticeably less agitated.

"I know you're on my side," he finally said.

The waitress wordlessly dropped off the promised carafe of coffee and left them to themselves. Olivia wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't sure why they were here, why she was compelled to stay.

"Rita, she's just trying to help," he said.

"I know, but she's wrong about my motivation."

"That's what I told her." He tipped his head to the side indicating that he hadn't been successful in convincing Rita.

"So what else is going on?" Olivia asked. "You're obviously still on leave."

"Yeah," he said lowering his head briefly before looking back at her. "Rita hired a PI to dig into Theresa. So far, they haven't found anything."

Olivia shifted in her seat. She also had some people looking into Theresa's past. Her people hadn't come up with anything either, but she suspected they might have more luck than a PI, even the high priced variety that Rita likely had access to.

"So you're just…" Olivia said.

"Stuck in limbo til they find something," he completed.

"They will," she encouraged. "No way this woman doesn't have a history."

"You really think so," he said.

"Come on," she said almost in disbelief that the former IAB captain didn't suspect an ulterior motive. "You really think she did this on her own simply because you weren't interested in her? That she'd risk her career, put you through this, put herself through it, if there wasn't something to gain?"

"A lot of women do," he said.

"Because those men are actually guilty," Olivia said, almost annoyed at how obtuse he was being. "That's a matter of right and wrong. You didn't do anything, so she has to have a motive."

"Right, right," he said. "I know she must have some reason, but I honestly have no idea what it could be."

They talked a bit more about motives, any possible way the woman could be connected to Ed or someone else in his past. They came up empty.

The most unsettling part for Olivia, aside from what she was hiding from him about her own investigation, was how easily they slipped back into their old rhythm. It wasn't like the last time she saw him at the bar when it was mostly uncomfortable. It hurt a little, but it was also kind of nice. She thought he seemed to feel the same way.

Her phone buzzed in her purse.

"Sorry," she said fishing for the phone. "It's Carisi. I have to take it."

He nodded. Then he refilled both of their coffees while she spoke to her detective. She ended the brief call and set her phone on the table.

"You gotta go." Ed's shoulders sagged a little.

"In a few minutes." Olivia felt a pang of something she couldn't quite place. Sadness. Guilt. Regret.

The awkwardness threatened to creep back in.

Ed ignored it, and drew a few bills from his wallet. Given their location, the $15 he threw on the table, would more than cover their paltry tab. Then he stood and waited for Olivia to gather her things.

In a reversal of their entrance over an hour ago, she let him lead them outside. His hand never left the small of her back, and she found herself distracted by the contact.

They walked to the corner to hail her a taxi.

"Thanks again, Liv." Ed's voice was rough and raw, and he was just slightly invading her space.

"You're going to get through this," she said unable to resist the urge to run her hand reassuringly down his arm.

She started to turn back toward the street to look for a cab, but he stopped her. "No, really. I… thank you."

Olivia was stunned when he pulled her into an embrace, but she didn't stop him. As soon as she returned his embrace, she felt, as much as heard, him breathe in her scent. It wrecked her senses and took her back.

Sometimes, in the early morning hours, she could almost feel him lying next to her the way they'd woken up countless times. He was almost always up before her, and she'd wake up to him wrapped around her seemingly content just to breathe her in. At first it made her uncomfortable to be the focus of so much attention, but over time, she'd come to appreciate it, to relish in the fact that he seemed to adore her.

And now, for one moment, it was almost as if… almost...

Ed loosened his tight hold on her just a little and pulled his head back just a bit so their temples were touching. "Liv."

She tilted her head to try to get a look at him, not quite ready to break the spell.

His eyes were still a little bloodshot from his hangover, but they were full of trust and appreciation and something else. Before she had time to process the thought, his lips were lightly brushing hers.

Olivia's eyes closed and her breath caught. He tasted of coffee and the peppermint candy he'd chomped as they exited the diner. His lips on hers felt exactly like she remembered.

He reached up and cupped her face, and she thought he was going to deepen the kiss. Instead, he pulled back and rested his forehead against the side of hers.

When she dared to look at him, he was looking at her with uncertainty. She immediately snapped back to the present like she'd been doused with ice water.

The present. The one where he'd left her. The one where he was embroiled in an investigation that could end him. The one where she was secretly investigating his accuser. The mind-numbing, heart-breaking present.

"Liv, I…" he said nervously when she remained quiet.

"Ed," she stopped him. "Don't."

She stepped back causing his hand to drop from her face. His other hand stayed resting lightly on her upper arm.

Mercifully, a taxi had just pulled up to let another patron out. Olivia waved to the driver, so he'd wait.

"I've got to go," she said and practically knocked the exiting passenger out of the way, so she could get in the cab.

She hated leaving him like that, but she didn't trust herself or what she might say if she stayed.

 _ **tbc**_


	11. Chapter 11

" _If you didn't want me to know, then maybe next time you decide to stick your tongue down her throat, you could do it somewhere other than a public street corner less than three blocks from my office."_

Rita's crass words hung in Ed's mind as he drilled the speed bag in the corner of his apartment building's gym. It wasn't his first choice for a stress reliever, but the shooting range was out since he wasn't able to carry a weapon while on administrative leave. He didn't think he could handle his regular gym which was popular among many of his colleagues.

So here he was. Hands wrapped in athletic tape beating the hell out of the small bag that dangled from a chain on the ceiling. It had taken a while for him to find a steady pace, but he'd been going at it for about 20 minutes. The rhythm of the bag, his punches and the clink of the chain providing the backdrop for his self-recrimination.

 _Rat-a-ta-tat-a-ta. Rat-a-ta-tat-a-ta._

He'd angrily stormed out of Rita's office after that comment. They'd once again been arguing about his refusal to stay away from Olivia until they knew she wasn't working with 1PP or with Morales without 1PP's knowledge.

Ed's boxing beat faltered briefly, but he corrected and tried to focus on the activity instead of the worry that had begun to creep into his thoughts. He still refused to believe that Olivia would do anything to intentionally cause him harm. However, Rita had made him realize that Olivia never directly denied that she'd had contact with Morales or perhaps even knew why he was apparently stalling.

He shook the thought from his mind and sped up his punches. Even if she wasn't telling him everything, he believed Olivia when she said she was on his side.

"… _next time you stick your tongue down her throat…"_ The words echoed in his head. He forcefully told Rita it wasn't like that as he left her standing in her office. It wasn't like that at all.

Surely Olivia didn't see it that way? She hadn't reacted that way. Kissing her had been a mistake, not because he regretted it, but because he didn't know what she was thinking. She hadn't been a passive participant, though. She held him just as tightly. She responded to his lips on hers. Then she rushed away so quickly.

 _Thwack!_

He slammed the small bag with the side of his fist and turned away as it violently slammed into the metal plate holding it in place.

He grabbed the towel sitting on the bench a few feet away and wiped the sweat from his face. He slung the towel onto his shoulder and picked up his water bottle and keys. The clock on the far wall read almost 3:30. He had enough time to shower and change.

He wasn't going to be able to relax until he knew that she wasn't upset with him. Twice in one day. He almost chuckled to himself.

Rita would kill him.

* * *

About an hour and a half later, Olivia was looking at her watch for the third time since she'd gotten on the elevator which appeared to be stopping on every floor between the 1-6 and ground. She promised Lucy she'd be home by 5:30. She was cutting it close.

It wasn't Lucy's normal day to watch Noah because he had kindergarten in the morning and a special aftercare program in the afternoon, but the school had called just before noon saying that Noah apparently caught the stomach bug that had been going around. Lucy had thankfully been able to pick him up, but she had a night class at 6:30. Olivia assured the nanny that she'd be home in time.

When the elevator finally reached the first floor, Olivia maneuvered around the cops, perps and attorneys dotting the lobby and rushed out the front door. Taking a cab at this hour was risky, but she still thought it'd be the fastest mode of transportation. She hurried along the street looking toward the nearest intersection.

The wind had picked up, and it was colder than she'd expected. She fished a light weight blue scarf from her bag and slipped it around her neck. Every taxi she saw approaching appeared to have passengers.

"Liv!"

Olivia turned toward the sound of her name. Her stomach fell when she saw Ed jogging toward her. She'd spent her entire day trying to put their morning rendezvous out of her mind. She'd been more successful in the last few minutes when her focus was Noah and getting home to him. Now, here Ed was giving her no choice but to deal with it.

"Ed," she breathed as she kept up her pace and continued to scan for taxis. "What are you doing here?"

"I…" He breathed heavily as he matched her pace. "I don't know."

She shot him a look of exasperation before returning to her task. His hand on her arm stopped her briefly.

"Ed, I can't do this right now." She said pulling away from his grasp.

The light on the block ahead changed to green and a sea of cars was heading toward them. Olivia threw up her hand and stepped off the edge of the sidewalk. He followed closely behind.

"Please," he said softly. "Don't rush off again without at least letting me apologize."

That got her attention. She looked at him as the cab approached them. There was sincerity and pain in his eyes. She felt bad and also intrigued, but she had to get home.

"Noah's sick," she said pulling at the handle of the car. "I have to get home."

"Oh."

She stood in the open door of the cab unsure of what to do. She decided it was probably better to hear him out than to spend the whole evening torturing herself. It was obvious that they'd just been caught up in the moment. It didn't have to be a big deal. Still she'd feel better knowing that's what he thought, too.

"I understand," Ed said backing up onto the sidewalk.

"Ed, just get in," she said as she started to back into the back seat.

He looked at her with confusion.

"I have to go home, now," she said with a hint of impatience. "If you want to talk, get in."

He looked surprised, but he was smart enough not to argue. He quickly climbed in after her.

* * *

They rode for the first few minutes in silence, and Ed noticed her checking her phone for messages and the time. She seemed on edge, and he was pretty sure that it wasn't because of his presence since she was basically ignoring him.

"Is everything okay?" He asked turning toward her slightly.

She looked at him as though she wasn't sure how to answer.

"Noah? Is he okay?"

"Oh," she said, obviously relieved at the topic. "He got sick at school, and Lucy has a night class. I promised her I'd get home so she wouldn't be late. And," she paused, "he needs his mommy."

Ed felt bad for interrupting. He knew she worked hard to maintain a work-family balance. Even though he'd been a casualty of that effort, he still admired her devotion to Noah and her ability to cope with the competing demands.

Before he could tell her that he could wait, her phone rang. He leaned back against the tattered seat of the taxi, and tried to give her space to take the call.

"Benson," she answered sharply.

Silence as she listened to whoever was calling. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her deflate. She was getting called back in, he guessed.

"Amanda," she sighed. "Can't you and Fin handle it?"

Ed stole a quick look at her. Her eyes were closed and she was pinching the bridge of her nose. Her frustration was evident.

"Fine, but tell them I'm going to need about an hour," she said opening her eyes. Then she ended the call before Amanda had a chance to respond.

Ed watched as she tossed her phone in her bag and sank back and let her head fall back against the head rest. He hoped he wasn't about to step in it.

"Can I help?" he asked softly.

"What?" She looked at him as if just remembering he was there.

"Sounds like you're getting called in."

"Apparently our serial rapist was almost killed in his cell at Rikers," she said. "He's being airlifted to Bellevue, and 1PP isn't happy with my Sergeant handling such a high profile event on my behalf."

She tightened her jaw as she fished her phone back out of her purse. "I don't know how many more times Lucy is going to put up with me keeping her late."

Ed frowned. Lucy had always been accommodating, to a degree that astonished him, so it concerned him that she might have become less so recently. Olivia seemed to catch onto his worry and shook her head slightly.

"Things have been a little hectic lately with this case, 1PP breathing down my neck. She's getting close to having to drop her class from missing so much."

Ed heard as much as saw the guilt Olivia felt for inconveniencing her nanny for what sounded like the umpteenth time in recent weeks. He decided to try his offer once again.

"Let me help you?"

She ignored him while she scrolled to Lucy's name on her phone. He saw the name on the screen, and reached for her phone to stop her. She looked at him and pulled her phone from his grasp.

"Olivia," he said. "I can watch Noah for a couple hours."

She didn't say anything.

"It's fine," he continued. "He knows me. It's not like I can cover for you with 1PP, so let me do this."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why'?" Was she really so surprised by his offer to help? "I used to help out with Noah all the time."

"I know, but that was… We were…"

"It was, and we were," he said with a sad smile. "But you need to do your job, Lucy needs to get to class and Noah needs to be taken care of."

She just stared at him as though she couldn't decide.

"It's okay. I want to, and this is the easiest solution."

Even he had to admit, this was a strange turn of events, but it didn't have to be a big deal. He'd missed Noah, and he'd missed being able to be the one who Olivia turned to when she was in a tight spot. This wasn't the same, but it was something.

When she still hadn't responded, he studied her. She was looking from him to her phone and back. She knew he was right. He also saw the worry behind her eyes. He knew it wasn't about trusting Noah with him. It was about what this meant for them.

"Don't over think it," Ed said once again reaching out. This time he didn't go for her phone. Instead he rested his hand on her knee. Her eyes snapped to his.

"It's just an old friend, helping you out."

She closed her eyes and breathed out. He knew he'd won. He also knew that it was costing her more than it was him. Though he wasn't sure why.

She bowed her head, so he could no longer see her face clearly in the darkened back seat. "That's all it can be," she said so quietly he barely heard her.

"I know."

Ed's heart broke a little more, but he kept his expression neutral. He wished she meant because of his ordeal, but he knew her well enough to know that it was more than just that.

Olivia had moved on.

* * *

a/n: Aw snap. Is Liv being too stubborn? Is Ed babysitting Noah a good idea? If you don't leave a review and tell me what you think, I'm going to assume it's okay to go completely AU, let Ed kidnap Noah and run off with him and Sheila to a cabin in Canada. So, it's really up to you… ;)


	12. Chapter 12

a/n: Sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Selleck... To everyone else - patience, patience, we're getting there, I promise.

* * *

Ed followed Olivia down the hallway toward her apartment. While she didn't have much time, she refused to be denied a few minutes to check on her sick son.

She made quick work of the deadbolt and dropped her things on a chair as she slipped into the apartment. Ed lingered near the door as Olivia went in search of Lucy and Noah.

"He's snuggled up on your bed watching cartoons," Lucy whispered loudly as she appeared at the other end hall.

"How is he?" Olivia asked meeting the young woman half way.

"I'm not sure he actually has the flu," Lucy said. "He's been fine since I got him home, and he's been saying he was hungry for the past thirty minutes or so."

"Has he eaten anything?"

"Just some applesauce and animal crackers about an hour ago," Lucy said. "But he's kept them down along with some pedialyte."

"Well, maybe it was just something he ate," Olivia said trying to remember breakfast that morning.

"The teacher did say that they had cupcakes for a birthday party just after their morning snack," Lucy said.

"Maybe he just over did it on the sweets." Olivia felt somewhat better leaving Noah with Ed knowing that her son likely wasn't going to be whiny and puking all over him.

Remembering Ed, she turned around and spotted him still near the door. His hands were in his pockets and he was shuffling around.

"Oh hi, Mr. Tucker," Lucy said as she followed Olivia's line of sight. "I didn't know you were here."

"Hi, Lucy," he said with a little nod in her direction.

"Ed's going to stay with Noah," Olivia said. "I've got to head back in."

"Sorry, Liv," Lucy said sincerely. "I wish I could stay."

"No, don't be silly," Olivia said. "You need to get to your class, and I'm sure Noah will be thrilled to see Ed."

After Lucy left, Ed waited in the living room while Olivia went to check on Noah. She hoped that Lucy was right and Noah would be excited to see Ed. She knew he missed his former ally in the battle for one more cookie or one more story, but she wasn't sure how that would translate to suddenly being left in his care after so long.

"How's my sweet boy?" She cooed as she stepped into her bedroom.

After making sure that he wasn't too sick, she chatted with him for a few minutes. Then she explained that she had to go back to work which disappointed Noah for about 10 seconds until she told him who was taking her place.

As soon as Noah heard Ed was there, he scrambled out of bed to go find his old friend. Olivia followed after him relieved at the reaction.

"Tuck!" Noah called as he ran into the living room.

"Hey champ!" Ed said swooping Noah into air.

"Woah," Noah said with a giggle as Ed spun him back down and set him on his feet.

Olivia didn't say anything as she joined them. It was a bittersweet moment.

Over the next couple minutes, Ed humored her as she gave him instructions. Noah was already pulling at Ed's hand trying to get him to come look at some new toy.

Ed gave her a sheepish grin as he let Noah win the tug of war. "We'll be fine, Liv. Go. Do what you gotta do."

"Do what you gotta do," Noah repeated.

"Be good, you two." Olivia rolled her eyes and kissed the top of Noah's head.

"We will!" Noah shouted.

"Love you," Olivia called as she walked out the door. When she got to the elevator, she realized what she'd said.

* * *

Forty minutes later, Olivia was pacing the waiting area at Bellevue waiting to hear from the surgeon. Amanda stood in the corner talking to one of the wardens. They'd both been on the receiving end of a lecture from 1PP's chief communications officer about what they should and shouldn't say to the press as if they'd never done this before.

Olivia wanted to punch someone. There was literally no need for her to be here just to wait to get news she could easily get over the phone.

Her phone buzzed in her pocked. Without looking at the screen she swiped her thumb across the bottom and put it to her ear.

"Benson."

"Any word?" Dodds voice called without bothering to say hello or even announce himself.

"No," she barked. "Trust me, you'll be the first to know."

"I'm sorry, Olivia," Dodds said. "This wasn't my call."

"I just don't get the concern over a perp that no one would miss," Olivia said.

"We got a call from San Antonio this morning," Dodds said. "They have three victims whose attacker's DNA matches this guy. They mentioned extradition."

"What?" Olivia said. "Why wasn't I told?"

"I'm telling you now," Dodds said. "We got the call less than half an hour before he was stabbed."

That at least partially explained the elevation of things.

"Does Barba know?" She asked.

"Yes, you'll probably be hearing from him next."

She sighed. She wished she'd heard from him first. She hated when she had an emotional outburst with Dodds. Barba could take it in stride, but Dodds was likely to use it against her.

Barba would probably laugh and tell her that what just happened wasn't what most people would call an outburst. She rolled her eyes at his imagined slight.

"Olivia?"

"Sorry," she said returning her attention to the man on the other end of the line. "I'll call you as soon as I know something."

They ended their call, and she immediately called Barba. As the call was connecting she noticed an incoming text from number with No Caller ID. She sighed and waited for Barba to pick up. This night was never going to end.

* * *

Back at the Benson house, Ed was loading Noah's ice cream bowl into the tiny dishwasher and tidying up the kitchen while Noah played in the living room. Olivia had texted at 7:30 that she was going to be at least another hour. Ed promised to get Noah in bed by 8, and told her not to worry. He'd be fine until she could get home.

Noah was a little disappointed when he learned that Olivia wasn't going to be home before bedtime, but Ed promised ice cream and no bath. He didn't think for one minute that Noah didn't know he was being bribed, but he greatly appreciated that the kid didn't put up a fuss about it.

"Okay, Noah, time for bed," Ed called as he tossed the hand towel onto the counter and went to see what he was up to.

"Five more minutes?" Noah asked from his position on the floor. He appeared to be using a dinosaur to destroy a village made of blocks.

Ed didn't say anything, he just raised his eyebrows.

Noah looked up when his request was met with silence. "Okay," he said dropping the toy dinosaur and scampering down the hallways.

Ed was surprised that's all it took, but he was also relieved. He looked around the living room as Noah hurried toward the back of the apartment. There were a few toys on the floor where Noah had just been playing, but otherwise it was in decent shape.

He went to the kitchen and filled a little sippy cup with water and headed down the hallway. He found an already PJ clad Noah standing on a stool in the bathroom brushing his teeth and humming a little song.

Ed leaned against the doorframe and took in the moment. He really had missed the little guy. Even though it'd only been about six months, he'd swear the kid had grown a foot, and it seemed like he'd really blossomed in school. The whole evening was spent with stories of this kid or that teacher. Ed never considered himself to be kid-friendly, but Noah had changed that twice now.

Noah finished brushing his teeth and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He hopped down from the stool and looked at Ed.

"Three chapters?"

"We'll see." Ed laughed and ruffled his hair as he ushered the boy from the bathroom to the bedroom. Olivia had told him one chapter in her text message which also said he didn't have to indulge in the night time routine if he didn't want to. Ed had rolled his eyes at that, and told her once again not to worry.

Noah ran ahead and jumped onto his bed. Then he leaned way over and pulled out his latest chapter book from the little nightstand by the bed. He handed it to Ed who sat down on the side.

"It's about a boy who gets lost, and there's a dragon and a vice-a-roy." Noah explained bouncing on his knees.

Ed laughed at Noah's careful pronunciation of viceroy. He could almost hear Olivia teaching it to him, and see her defeat when Noah insisted on adding an extra syllable. His smile faded when he realized how much he'd missed this.

"Tuck?" Noah said drawing Ed out of his thoughts.

Ed looked at Noah, then down at the book. He flipped through the little book and realized that each chapter was only a few pages, and Noah was about halfway through.

"Two chapters." Ed said and pulled his glassed from his pocket.

"Yay!" Noah snuggled into Ed's side and pointed to the folded corner. of one of the pages. "That's where we start."

They made it through the first chapter, and Ed was surprised that he found the story somewhat entertaining. Truthfully, it was Noah's constant, animated interjections to explain various plot points, that drew him in.

After he finished reading the second chapter, Ed carefully folded down the corner and returned the book to the shelf on the nightstand.

"Okay, Noah," he said and stood. "Time for lights out."

Noah scooted down onto his pillow and let Ed pull the covers up to his chin. Then he wiggled around, turned on his side and popped his arm over the top of the blanket.

Ed smiled. Some things hadn't changed.

"Tuck?"

Ed stopped and looked back to see Noah propped up on one elbow.

"You spending the night?" Noah asked innocently.

"I don't think so," Ed said as he shifted awkwardly. He wasn't expecting that question.

"Oh, okay," Noah said and laid back down.

"Night, Noah." Ed didn't know what else to say, so he turned again to leave.

"Tuck," Noah called again.

Ed turned with a chuckle at what he assumed was a stalling tactic.

"I missed you," Noah said with all the sincerity a five-year-old could muster.

"I've missed you, too, bud," Ed said closing the two steps between him and the bed and crouching down. He ruffled Noah's hair.

"Why did you go?" Noah asked.

Ed wasn't sure how to answer. He he had no idea what Olivia had told Noah about his sudden absence.

"Mommy said you had to go away." Noah said as if reading his thoughts.

"Yeah," Ed croaked, still unsure what to say. He hated to think that Noah felt abandoned by him.

"She said you still my friend," Noah said. "You always be my best Tuck."

Ed was almost rendered speechless, but he managed to pull himself together. "And you'll always be my best bud." His voice was gravelly.

"You promise," Noah said suddenly seeming worried at Ed's slight display of emotion.

"Noah," Ed said forcing his voice to be more solid. "Even when I'm not able to be here all the time like I used to be, I'm still gonna be your friend."

"Like Uncle Nick?" Noah said, clearly trying to figure out how to categorize Ed now.

Ed knew that Noah had met Nick several times, and understood him as a long-distance friend. Sadly, that was probably the closest thing Ed could safely promise.

"Yeah, kinda like that."

"Okay," Noah said. "But I liked it better when you stayed here."

"Me too, bud, me too," Ed admitted.


	13. Chapter 13

Ed hesitated a few minutes before he gave in and went to check the cabinet above the refrigerator. He clucked his tongue when he saw the bottle. He reached for it and went to grab a glass from the cabinet on the other side.

He poured a modest amount of the bourbon into the glass, and put the bottle back. He took his drink to the living room and plopped down on the couch. The local news was playing on the TV, but the sound was still muted.

Olivia had called an hour ago to check in, and to apologize for once again being delayed. He didn't ask why because he knew it would only frustrate her more. Instead he'd just offered his assurance that he'd stay all night if needed.

She said she'd try to be home before midnight, but it wasn't looking promising. He'd been successful in distracting himself while Noah was awake, but now he was left alone with his thoughts.

What a day it had been. Between his encounter with Olivia this morning, Noah's unintentional prodding of his still broken heart, and now sitting in Olivia's living room waiting for her to get home like he'd done countless nights before.

Before.

The bourbon wouldn't ease the pain. He'd tried that. Nothing was strong enough to make him forget her. Even after all these months, he found himself feeling as raw and devastated as he had the night she made him leave.

He sipped his drink as he flipped through his phone. Nothing new from Olivia. Nothing at all from Rita.

He grabbed the remote and pulled up the channel guide. He smiled when he saw Die Hard had just started. It was his favorite Christmas movie, though Olivia had once insisted that it was not a Christmas movie at all.

He toed off his shoes and stretched out on the couch. He rested his drink on the cushion beside him but kept his fingers wrapped loosely around the glass.

Ed tried to focus on the movie, but it was a struggle to not think of Olivia. He was surrounded by her. Every room held a memory, every new photo a lost opportunity.

As the bourbon started to mellow him, he felt that if he closed his eyes, he could almost let himself drift to another time. A time when she'd have outwardly chastised him for waiting up, but rewarded him for it with a kiss. If it wasn't too late, or she wasn't too drained from whatever case had kept her away, his reward might have followed them to the bedroom or shower.

Ed groaned. That was not where he needed his mind to go right now. His body was already reacting at the mere hint of it. He went to the kitchen and poured himself a refill.

* * *

Olivia finally trudged up to her door at 2:41am. She unlocked the door and slipped inside. She saw the dim light of the TV flickering, but the sound must have been turned down low because she didn't hear it.

She quietly slipped off her jacket and didn't bother to brush off the bit of sleet and snow that accumulated on her short walk from the car to the door. She toed off her wet shoes and tiptoed over toward the couch.

She bit her lip when she saw him. Ed was sound asleep clad only in a dark gray t-shirt, jeans and socks. The sweater he'd been wearing earlier was draped over the back of the couch, his shoes on the floor just off to the side.

She took the moment to take him in. One hand was resting on his stomach, rising and falling with each breath. The other was by his side, palm up next to an empty tumbler. She smiled knowing that he'd found the bourbon he'd left and that she hadn't had the heart to either drink or throw out.

Olivia carefully plucked the glass from his side and sat it on the coffee table behind her. Then she reached over and snatched the fleece blanket that was draped over the other end of the couch and gently draped it over him hoping it wouldn't wake him.

After waiting a few seconds to find she'd been successful, she padded down the hallway to get ready for bed.

* * *

Ed woke suddenly. Something was off. He moved his hand to reach for the glass that he somehow remembered was by his side. That's when he noticed. He was covered with a blanket. Feeling around, he also realized the glass was gone.

Olivia.

He looked around. The TV had been turned off as had the light in the kitchen. He was surprised that she'd been able to accomplish so much without waking him.

He stilled his movements and listened. He could hear water running. She must have just gotten home within the last few minutes.

He faltered for a minute. Part of him wanted to go back to sleep and accept that she wanted him to stay, otherwise she'd have woken him. Another part of him wanted to go knock on her door and find out why she hadn't woken him. And yet another part wanted to put on his shoes and jacket and leave before things got more complicated and painful than they already were.

The water shut off. He looked at his phone. 2:58.

He sat up and kept contemplating what he should do. It'd definitely be easier to just sneak out.

* * *

Olivia finished brushing her teeth and made quick work of washing her face. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her eyes betrayed her fatigue. She sighed and went to get ready for bed.

She looked at the clock on her way to find something to sleep in. Ugh, tomorrow morning was going to come early.

She slipped into a t-shirt and shorts, and went to plug her phone into the charger by her bed. She whispered a curse when she realized in her distraction she'd left her phone in her coat pocket. Her coat that was in the living room.

She quietly opened her door and crept back toward the front of the apartment. She stopped as soon as she saw him. Ed was sitting up with his head in his hands. Assuming he'd heard her approach, she changed course.

"Hey," she whispered. "You okay."

Ed's head popped up. His look of surprise indicating that he hadn't heard her.

"Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"S' okay," he mumbled still groggy from sleep. "I should probably get home."

Olivia felt a twinge of panic. "No, no, please stay," she blurted out.

He looked at her, clearly not expecting that reaction.

She backpedaled, somewhat surprised by her own outburst. "Have you looked outside? It's sleeting, a real mess."

He glanced toward the window and shrugged. The blinds were closed.

"Ed, it's three a.m.," she said. She couldn't explain why she felt compelled to convince him to stay.

"I'll be fine." He put his hands on his knees and started to stand.

She put a hand on his shoulder stopping him. "Please."

He turned to look at her. She shivered and pulled her hand away wrapping her arms around herself.

"I see you still don't have appropriate sleepwear for winter," he said glancing down the length of her bare legs.

It was only then she took notice of her attire, or lack of it. She shivered again. "It gets hot under the covers."

Ed choked back a laugh and shook his head.

"Mind out of the gutter," she admonished, but her tone betrayed mild amusement.

He suddenly stood which put them face to face and in much closer proximity than she expected. Her arms fell to her side as she almost stumbled back a step.

"Liv." There was a hint of warning in his tone. "I really should go." He stepped into her space again.

Olivia didn't back away this time. Instead she put her hands on her hips and looked him in the eye.

"Ed, it's the middle of the night. It's sleeting. You'll never catch a cab, and I will not be responsible for you catching pneumonia."

He cocked his head and smirked.

She didn't know what to make of it, and she couldn't tell what he was thinking. It unnerved her. She told herself that it was just because of the late hour and bad weather that she tried one more time.

"Just… stay."


	14. Chapter 14

a/n: thank you to all the faithful reviewers 3

* * *

"Tuck!" Noah said in a loud whisper patting Ed's cheek. "You stayed!"

Ed cracked one eye open. He'd heard Noah stir several minutes ago and anticipated his excitement at finding him still there. It made him feel good to be missed by at least one member of the Benson family. Although, he wasn't sure what to make of Olivia's stubbornness about him staying the rest of the night.

In a way, he'd been encouraged. She'd almost seemed panicked for a brief second. He'd expected her to reverse course and clam up. Instead, she'd continued her insistence that he stay. If he'd read her correctly, even she was surprised.

"Why you sleeped on the couch?" Noah asked bringing him back to the present.

Ed looked at him unsure how in the world to explain that. He saw that Noah seemed to be more amused than curious and hoped he could avoid any serious explanation.

"That's pretty silly, huh?" Ed sat up, swinging his legs to the floor.

"Yep." Noah giggled and climbed up next to him. His expression turned serious, and Ed got nervous. "You make special pancakes?"

"Pancakes?" Relieved, Ed pulled Noah onto his lap and tickled his tummy.

"Tuck!" Noah cried out with more giggles.

Ed stopped. "Oops, gotta keep it down. Mommy's still sleeping."

Ed had bargained with Olivia last night. He'd stay until morning, if she'd promise to try to get some much needed rest. The dark circles under her eyes hadn't gone unnoticed. And while it might not have been the best idea for either of their hearts, he figured he could withstand it if it meant she got a decent extra hour or two of sleep.

"Okay, shhh," Noah said with a glance toward his mother's room. The he looked back at Ed with a gleam in his eye. "Pancakes with cimmanon swirls?"

"We'll see," Ed said with a grin scooping Noah up under his arm and hauling them both into the kitchen.

He hoped Olivia had all the ingredients. Pancakes weren't really her thing, so in the past, when he'd stayed over on a weekend, he'd occasionally indulge them.

He remembered the first time he made them, and Olivia looked at him with wonder when he went through what she considered an elaborate process of putting cinnamon filling into a large Ziploc bag, cutting off the corner and piping it into the pancake batter as they cooked. He'd eventually admitted to her that he saw it on one of the local morning shows, and practiced once at home because he knew that Noah loved cinnamon rolls and pancakes and the combo would likely be a hit. They were.

Noah flitted around the kitchen as Ed was pulling out ingredients. "We go to the park later. I show you how I do the monkey bars all by myself."

"I don't know about that," Ed said, hating to break it to the kid. "I think it may be too cold and wet outside for the park."

"Oh," Noah said, momentarily disappointed.

Ed also didn't want Noah to get his hopes up that he'd be spending the day with them, but how did one explain any of this to a five-year-old?

* * *

Olivia groaned as she reached for her phone. She could tell by the amount of light filtering through her window that it was later than she'd normally get to sleep. It had been the condition Ed set. He'd stay, but only if she promised not to set an alarm.

She'd wanted to argue, but she'd wanted him to stay even more. She smoothed her hands over her face as she considered that. At the time she'd justified her request because she'd inconvenienced him, kept him out until three in the morning, and the weather was truly awful. He would have had a nearly impossible time finding a taxi or even an Uber.

That was it. That's all it was.

 _Keep telling yourself that, Benson._ She thought as she slipped out of bed and into her bathroom.

She brushed her teeth and thought back to last night when Ed had finally agreed to stay. She knew that he knew she'd be fine with little sleep. Her body was used to it after all these years at SVU. She suspected it was his way of giving her what she wanted without making it be on her. And even though she wouldn't admit it, she was grateful for the rare treat to sleep past seven on a Saturday, even if it was only until eight.

She changed into some leggings and an oversized sweater and padded down the hall toward the kitchen. She could hear Noah's loud whisper as he tried to comply with Ed's instructions to be quiet. She could smell the cinnamon and fresh coffee, and it immediately took her back.

She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders before rounding the corner. She wanted to take in the sight for a minute before making her presence known. There was a large plate with two finished pancakes, and it appeared that another one had just gone into the pan. Noah was perched on a chair next to the stove and Ed was sort of half behind him with his large hands guiding Noah's as they squeezed the cinnamon swirl into the batter.

"Good job, bud," Ed said, taking the makeshift pastry bag and laying it on a paper towel to the side with one hand and giving Noah a little fist bump with the other. The action caused Noah to turn just enough that he saw her.

"Mommy!" He said turning a little too fast and teetering on the chair. Olivia tossed her phone that she had in her hand onto the counter and took a quick step toward him, arms outstretched. She was too far away, but it was instinct to try and stop him from falling onto the floor, or worse, the hot stove.

Ed reflexively reached over and grabbed Noah by the waist to steady him.

"I help do the swirls!" Noah exclaimed, completely unfazed by the near miss.

Ed gave her a sheepish grin. "Morning."

She shook her head, but couldn't stop the smile from teasing the corners of her mouth. "Good morning."

Olivia continued her path toward them and placed a kiss on top of Noah's head. Then she put her hands on his shoulders and peeked over him at the griddle.

"See the cimmanon swirl I maked." Noah said with a big grin.

"I see, sweet boy, I see." She said with a laugh. "Great job!"

"I hope you don't mind," Ed said giving her a sideways glance as he flipped the pancake.

"Of course not," she said lifting Noah from the chair into a good morning hug nuzzling her nose against his cheek. "And somehow I don't think this one would have taken no for an answer."

Ed smirked and reached for his coffee which was on the counter next to him. Noticing her eye his cup, he nodded toward the coffee pot. "There's plenty more coffee."

"Ah yes," she said returning Noah to his spot and making sure he was steady on his feet before stepping away.

Ed smiled at the protective gesture and turned his attention back to the task at hand while Olivia got her caffeine fix. "Okay, No, you ready to do another one?"

"Yep," Noah said watching intently as Ed ladled another dollop of batter onto the griddle.

Coffee in hand, Olivia sighed as she leaned back against the counter on the opposite side of Noah and watched as they added another "cimmonon" swirl. She couldn't explain what was going through her mind at the moment. She only knew that this felt nice, and that scared the shit out of her.

* * *

Half an hour later the trio sat around the table finishing off the last of their pancakes listening to Noah tell Ed all about his recent field trip to the aquarium. Ed humored him and asked questions about this and that and tried not to be distracted by Olivia.

She'd obviously put more clothes on this morning, but Saturday morning Liv was his favorite. Sans makeup, hair still slightly tousled from sleep, he'd always found this side of her incredibly enticing, like he was one of the privileged few who got to see Badass Benson without her daytime armor.

When they first starting dating, he'd thought her dressing up for a night out with him was the pinnacle of sexy. He soon enough learned that it didn't compare to an unguarded, fresh-faced Olivia. She'd laughed at him and said he was ridiculous the first time he said something, but the thank you she'd breathily murmured against his lips conveyed a deeper appreciation.

"Can I go get my shark pictures and show Tuck?" Noah asked drawing Ed back to the conversation.

"Are you finished with your pancakes?" Olivia countered noting that he'd eaten most of the two he'd insisted he wanted.

Noah nodded.

"Okay, go wash your hands and face first, we don't want to get the picture all sticky with syrup."

"Okay," Noah said clearly not thrilled about washing up, but seeming to agree that sticky pictures weren't desirable.

That left Ed and Olivia alone. She took a sip of her coffee and gave him a tentative look over the top of the cup. When she lowered it, he noticed a little bit of gooey cinnamon at the corner of her mouth.

He gotten so wrapped up in the nostalgia of the morning ritual, he'd almost forgotten about the events that led to him being there in the first place. He'd kissed those very lips just over 24 hours ago.

Olivia cleared her throat, and Ed immediately flicked his eyes up to hers. He felt the blush of embarrassment creeping up his neck at being caught staring.

"I…uh," he stuttered. "You have a little… um… a bit of pancake." He started to reach over the table toward her, but quickly corrected and pointed to the corner of his own mouth.

She grabbed a napkin and wiped her lips. Then she raised an eyebrow silently asking if she'd gotten it all.

Ed nodded. He couldn't stop the rush of thoughts and memories that flooded his mind. If he'd leaned across the table, would she have recoiled or allowed the moment to happen? Would she have let him use his thumb to swipe away the crumb?

It was probably best that he didn't. He wouldn't have been able to resist the temptation to replace his thumb with his lips. She'd taste of cinnamon and coffee.

She shifted in her chair and bit her lip, and Ed fought back a groan. She was obviously uncomfortable under his scrutiny, but he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away.

"We…uh…" He finally looked back up at her eyes. They were wide, and he couldn't quite get a read on her emotion. "We never talked about what happened yesterday."

She briefly looked away unable to hold his gaze, but then she was back. This time her feelings were swirling at the surface. He could see the uncertainty, the worry, but he was pretty sure he also saw desire.

That threw him.

He was desperate to know what she was really thinking.

Before he could say anything, the pitter patter of Noah's bare feet echoed through the apartment as he ran back in from his room and put a picture on the table in front of Ed. At the same time, Olivia's phone buzzed from its place on the counter.

Ed heard Olivia let out the breath she'd been holding as she stood to retrieve her phone. She patted Noah on the top of his head and gave Ed a wary glance as she walked past.

"Shit," Olivia said, barely loud enough to be heard.

Ed raised his eyebrows and looked at her. She usually didn't say stuff like that in front of Noah, not even in a whisper. Although, Noah was so engrossed in his tales of the aquarium, he didn't appear to have heard her.

"I need to go downstairs and get some files," she said.

He furrowed his brow.

"Uh, Fin," she quickly added eyes still trained on her phone. "He's got some files I need."

Ed nodded, but he could feel her apprehension. She was uncomfortable in a whole new way that wasn't because of the moment that had just passed. What was the big deal about Fin dropping off paperwork?

"He's just uh, going to pull up out front. Can you stay with Noah for a few minutes?"

"Of course," He watched her closely. It's not like he'd even put his shoes on or was headed out the door.

"Noah, Mommy just has to go downstairs for a minute, I'll be right back."

Noah barely acknowledge her statement. "Can I have your phone? I wanna show Tuck the pictures Miss Allie sent you from the 'quarium."

Olivia swiped the screen and tapped the photo app. She quickly scrolled to the previous week and handed him the phone. Then she looked at Ed, but didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Thanks, I'll just be a minute."

"Take your time," he said.

As she rushed away, Noah was already explaining the pictures the teacher's aide had sent to Olivia from the school field trip. The phone buzzed again as Olivia shut the front door. A notification popped up on the screen that she had a text from an unknown number.

Ed didn't mean to snoop, but he couldn't help but see the message preview in the bar at the top of the screen. He didn't know who it was, but it obviously wasn't Fin who was waiting for her downstairs.

He felt as though he'd been gut punched.

Olivia just lied to him.

* * *

a/n: What?! Will Ed confront Olivia? Will he keep trusting her? Will Olivia tell him the truth? Can she?


	15. Chapter 15

Olivia toed off the loosely laced duck boots she'd slipped on to make the trip to the bodega a block and a half away. Morales had refused to come to her apartment building, and only agreed to the nearby bodega when she swore it wasn't one she frequented.

She assumed that Ed had heard her come back in, but she knew he'd wait for her to come back versus seeking her out. So she stripped off her jacket, pulled the flash drive from the pocket and hooked the coat on the door knob.

She quickly took the tiny USB stick to her bedroom and dropped it into a little leather catchall in her top dresser drawer. She was dying to get a look at it. Morales said he'd been able to retrieve the full security footage from what he'd originally thought was a corrupted backup. He said he'd also included notes about some fake and real text messages that should prove useful.

First, she had to get rid of Ed.

Before she admitted that she had, in fact been working with Morales, she wanted to see the information for herself. Then, she could justify waiting to tell him about it.

Olivia was beginning to doubt her logic, but she was already this far. She couldn't really change her approach now. She nodded to herself and headed back toward the kitchen.

On her way there, she was surprised to find Ed in the living room sitting on the couch putting on his shoes. Noah was hanging over the arm of the couch still scrolling through her phone, so she had to figure out how to find out what had happened without creating a big scene.

"You're leaving," she said cautiously.

"Yeah," he answered flatly without stopping the task of tying his shoe.

She started to panic again. This time it wasn't because he was leaving but the abrupt shift in his demeanor. She couldn't figure out what could have possibly happened in the few minutes she was gone that could have resulted in this.

She wasn't sure she'd be able to stand the answer, but she had to ask. "Everything okay?"

"Sure." He stood up and turned toward the door. Olivia was almost frightened by the tension radiating off of him.

She stepped in front of him. The coffee table was on one side and the couch on the other. With Noah's feet dangling behind him and Olivia where she was, Ed was effectively trapped.

"What just happened?" She said keeping her tone even.

"Nothing," he said with a little sniffle, still dodging her eyes.

"Ed, we were having a nice breakfast. I leave for two minutes and come back to find you putting on your shoes barely able to look at me." Her voice was high and tight. She peeked over at Noah to make sure he wasn't catching on to the tension. Then she added. "Something happened."

"You want me to look you in the eye?" He said. His tone was quiet but almost menacing. When he followed his question with the action, Olivia flinched.

She didn't see anger as she'd expected.

It was devastation.

It was blame.

It was betrayal.

What the hell?

"Mommy," Noah said seeming to suddenly appear at her side, shoving her phone into her hand. "I can't find the shark picture."

She looked down at her son, and then the phone. Somehow, he'd gotten out of the photo app and into Facebook. No wonder he couldn't find it. She chanced a glance up at Ed while she closed out one app and flicked the screen to find her photos.

His jaw was tight. She knew he wouldn't escalate things in front of Noah, but she could see that he was nearing his limit.

She quickly turned her attention to her phone and saw that she'd missed a text message. Morales must have sent a follow-up after she'd already left.

It dawned on her. Ed saw the message notification. He knew she'd lied about it being Fin.

 _Shit._

"Mommmm-my," Noah started to whine at being ignored.

"Hey Noah," Ed said clearly trying to sound lighter than he felt. "I'm sorry, bud, but I've got to go."

"But you didn't get to see the shark picture," Noah said.

"Maybe you can show him next time," Olivia chimed in.

The stiffening of Ed's posture indicated that he didn't appreciate the promise of a next time.

She handed her phone back to Noah. "Why don't you play a game or something while I walk Ed out."

"I want Tuck to stay and play," Noah said. He was starting to get worked up.

Olivia sighed in frustration. There was no way she was going to be able to soothe Noah and get a moment with Ed to explain.

Ed knelt down next to Noah. "I'm sorry, champ, but I really have to go now."

Noah threw his arms around Ed's neck and mumbled what sounded like 'okay'. Ed looked up at Olivia as he returned her son's hug. Now she saw the anger. He blamed her for putting him in this situation with her son.

She cocked her head, eyes pleading for him to just give her a chance to explain. "It's not what you think." She hadn't had a chance to look at the text message that Ed must have seen, so she wasn't exactly sure what he knew or thought he knew.

He closed his eyes briefly. Then he rubbed his hands down Noah's shoulders as he pulled away and stood.

"Next time, Noah," Ed said, giving her the tiniest glimmer of hope.

"Remember what I said." Olivia reached out and ran her hand down Ed's forearm. When she reached his palm, she wrapped her fingers around it and squeezed running her thumb over the back of his wrist. "No matter what happens, or how things look, I'm on your side."

He let out a sigh. "I've gotta go."

Knowing that she'd pushed him as far as he was going to go, and that Noah's presence was likely the only thing stopping him from laying into her for lying to him, she gave in. She stepped back, pulling Noah with her. He protested, reaching for Ed.

"Can I call you later?" She asked, keeping Noah at her side with her hand draped over his shoulder.

Ed just shrugged.

Noah looked back and forth between the two of them, and seemed to understand that something wasn't right. He quit fighting his mom and fell silent.

"Please, Ed."

"Do whatever you want," he said with a hint of bitterness. He stepped around her and headed for the door.

Olivia stood frozen as she watched him walk away. It was only then that she realized he was wearing the exact same blue pullover he'd been wearing the last time he walked out her door.


	16. Chapter 16

Rita knocked on Ed's door unsure what she'd find when he answered. All she had to go on was a voicemail that an obviously intoxicated Tucker had left her at three in the afternoon. That didn't bode well.

Even worse, the message said she'd been 'right about her'. That was all, at least it was all she could make out. It didn't take a clairvoyant to know who he was talking about, but Rita wasn't sure exactly what it all meant.

She'd hesitated for a few minutes before deciding to go check on him. For better or worse, she was his friend, and he was clearly in a rough state. So, here she was, outside his door.

They had history. She'd met him during a case not too long after his first wife left him for another cop. She'd also just gotten out of a relationship, if you could call it that. They'd been each other's rebound. Both knew it wasn't heading anywhere. At the time, neither cared.

They'd exchanged sob stories over bourbon and gin, and found a semblance of comfort each other. It lasted four months before they'd mutually agreed to call it quits. In some ways they were too similar. In others, too different. They were both pretty closed off emotionally, but Ed wanted commitment. Rita was determined to remain untethered.

Over the years, from time to time, they'd turned back to each other. As friends, as rebounds, as checkpoints. It worked for them, and neither had any expectations. Then Olivia happened.

Rita had seen Ed's interest in Olivia before he'd even admitted it to himself. She hadn't pressed him about it because she didn't believe Olivia would ever forgive the past. Lord knows the woman had her own demons to grapple with, adding her rocky history with IAB, it didn't make sense.

She'd been utterly floored when Benson actually gave him a shot. And while she'd never admit it out loud, she'd been a little envious. Olivia was what Ed had been looking for and never found with her.

Olivia and her son had managed to crack through the tough exterior that Rita and everyone else had come to know. He changed, he opened up. He became a better man.

When Olivia broke things off, it seemed even worse than when his marriage ended. The man sulked in the bottom of a bourbon bottle for weeks. The first time he'd called her, he was drunk. She consoled him, stopped him from making some stupid mistakes, and they'd found an easy friendship.

When he finally realized that bourbon didn't work, he retreated. It had been difficult to watch him go backwards. As pissed as she was at Olivia for breaking the man's heart, it was worse watching him retreat further into himself than she'd ever seen him. He was almost bitter, and it wasn't a good look on him.

As the weeks turned into months, he lightened up a little, but he remained more closed off than ever, even with her. She didn't think he'd ever be the same.

It was what fueled her insistence that Ed stay away from Olivia. She had no idea what Olivia's intentions were. She didn't truly believe that she would do anything to try to hurt Ed in regards to the allegations. That was an excuse Rita used because she didn't want him to get his hopes up only to be cast aside, again. She worried what it would do to him.

That's why she was really here on a Saturday afternoon, standing outside his door knocking for the third time.

* * *

"Careful, it's hot," Olivia warned Noah as she watched him lift the giant slice of cheese pizza and try to fold it in half. She'd offered to cut it up, but he said that was for babies. She didn't have the energy to argue.

It had taken Olivia half an hour to convince Noah that everything would be okay, and that Ed was still his friend. She still wasn't sure if he would bring it up again, but for the moment he was appeased.

She'd resorted to a bribe. A matinee movie and pizza.

She didn't like being that mom, but she desperately needed time to figure out her next move. She didn't even bother to entertain the idea that she'd be able to look at the files Morales gave her until after Noah went to bed. As it was, she was just relieved that Noah had been entertained by the movie, and had shifted his focus off of Ed.

"Why can't Tuck stay with us anymore?" Noah said.

Olivia choked on the sip of water she'd just drank. Apparently, her reprieve was to be short lived and her child was reading her mind.

"What, baby?"

"Tuck said he wanted to stay with us," Noah said like it was no big deal. "So why did he go away again?"

She just stared at him. "What?" Noah must have misunderstood. "When did he say that?"

"When he tucked me in," Noah explained, though he clearly didn't understand the full implication. "He say he liked it better when he used ta stay at my house."

"Did he say anything else?" This was so awkward, trying to fish for evidence from a conversation her five-year-old son had with her ex.

"He always be my best Tuck," Noah said with a broad smile.

"Of course he will," she said tousling his hair. She knew she should drop it, but she just couldn't resist.

"Noah," she said. "Did Tuck say anything this morning when Mommy went out?"

Noah crinkled his nose and squinted his eyes as he thought about her question. Olivia nervously waited.

"No," he finally said. "I showed him the pictures and then he taked the phone 'cause there was a message."

That confirmed what she already knew. He had seen the text. When she'd finally had a chance to read it, it wasn't all that damning. But it was obvious that it wasn't from Fin, and that it had to do with Ed's case.

* * *

Ed rolled over and almost fell off his couch. For a minute he thought he was still at Olivia's and this had all been a nightmare. Then his head swirled, and he lost any delusions that things were okay in his world.

Rita had been right. Olivia had been working with Morales. And she'd lied to him about it.

"You ready to rejoin the land of the living?"

Ed lifted his head and found Rita sitting in the leather chair next to the couch. Instead of the reproach he expected, she just gave him a sad smile.

"What are you doing here?" He quickly sat up and immediately regretted it. He pinched the bridge of his nose and waited for his head to stop spinning.

"You called me," she said, unaffected by his lack of manners.

"I did," he said even though he only vaguely remembered doing so. "What time is it?"

"Just after four." She pushed a bottle of water into his hands. "Drink up."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," she said and handed him two aspirin. "I'll make sure you pay me back, and then some."

He huffed and downed the pills. It was kind of nice to have her there as a distraction. She wouldn't pull any punches, but she wouldn't let him wallow either.

"That's not what I meant," he said.

"Oh?"

"You were right."

"You said something about that in your message," Rita said. "What are you talking about?"

"Olivia. She's working with Morales." He ground out the words as if they tasted like poison.

"She what?" Rita said truly surprised. Although this turn of events certainly explained his current state. "I don't believe it."

Now Ed looked confused. "What do you mean? You're the one who's been telling me she was involved this whole time. I figured you'd want to gloat."

"I didn't want to be right about that." She meant it because of the toll the mere thought of it was already taking. "Maybe she's trying to help."

Ed just shook his head. "I don't know what to think about any of this anymore. After last night, and this morning, I just…" His voice trailed off as he dropped his head into his hands once more.

"Wait," Rita said. "How do you even know this?"

He sighed.

"You saw her again."

Nod.

"Tell me what happened," she said and settled back into the overstuffed leather chair.

She listened for a good twenty minutes as he explained the events of the past 24 hours.

"It's not what she did," Ed said in frustration. "It's that she lied to me about it. Twice."

"Technically, the first time she didn't lie," Rita said.

He glared at her. She'd been the one trying to convince him to stay away from Olivia. Now she was practically defending her. He didn't want a devil's advocate. He wanted a sympathetic ally.

"Why would she lie if she's just trying to help?" He wondered out loud though Rita knew he wasn't expecting an answer.

"Ed," Rita said. "Let's just wait and see how things play out. Maybe things aren't what they seem."

She hoped for his sake that she was right. Losing Olivia was one thing. Being betrayed by her would destroy him.

* * *

a/n: next up... the truth finally comes out...


	17. Chapter 17

Olivia held the large manila envelope tightly in her hand as she waited for the elevator to stop on the 11th floor. She absentmindedly drummed her fingers against the paper, her nerves on edge.

Morales had come through. He was able to retrieve the full security footage that showed Ed was definitely not the pursuer. He also had text messages between Theresa and Bill Free that proved they were setting up Ed. In fact, the intel from Morales combined with the additional evidence dug up by Fin's and her other sources were going to blow the case wide open.

It appeared to be much bigger than anyone could have imagined. Bill Free was high in the ranks at 1PP, and what they'd found showed entrenched corruption dating back years.

She'd tried all day Sunday to get ahold of Ed, but after two voicemails, three ignored texts and half a dozen unanswered calls, she finally gave up. She was hurt and angry that he would think she'd ever hurt him. Although she technically lied to him, it was to protect him. Surely he could see that.

She rolled her head stretching her neck and trying to ease some of the tension. Maybe she'd completely misread him the other night. Maybe he did regret her. She didn't know anything anymore.

The elevator finally dinged, she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

She was relieved to find that the receptionist wasn't in yet. It was only 8:15, and the office probably didn't officially open until 9. Still, she knew Rita would be there.

She steeled herself as she approached the office. The door was slightly ajar, and Olivia could see that Rita was alone, so she didn't waste any time.

Rita looked up at the sound of the blinds banging against the door as Olivia barged in. "Benson?"

Olivia took three long strides and slapped the envelope down on Rita's desk. "Everything you need is there."

She turned to leave.

"Olivia, wait," Rita called.

"If you have any questions, contact Morales or Fin." Olivia said without stopping her exodus. "I can't do this anymore."

She rushed toward the elevator leaving a speechless Rita sitting at her desk holding the envelop with all the evidence needed to exonerate Ed.

* * *

Not even half an hour later, Ed was riding the same elevator toward the same destination. Rita called and said she needed to see him immediately to go over new evidence.

Deep down Ed knew that Olivia had come through. Rita hadn't mentioned her, but she didn't have to. He knew.

He'd ignored Liv all day yesterday despite her multiple attempts to reach him. He'd been slightly hungover, and while his talk with Rita had calmed him somewhat, he wasn't ready to face Olivia.

Even if she was trying to help, she still lied to him about it. Was their trust so broken that she didn't think she could have told him? Had he been a fool to think they could rekindle something.

"Ed," Rita said approaching from down the hall. "Finally."

"Rita," he said, his voice tired.

"Come in," she said steering them into her office and shutting the door.

He hung his coat over the back of one of her guest chairs and started to sit in the other one. She motioned across the room to the small round table covered in papers. He followed her lead.

"It's over," she said. "Everything I need to get the charges dropped. I've already called 1PP. The commissioner is expecting us at 11."

He raised his eyebrows at the commissioner. His friend had been forced to distance himself during the investigation.

Ed stared at the papers and photos strewn about the table. His eyes landed on a piece of paper that clearly had Olivia's handwriting.

Rita spent the next hour going over everything with him. This was going to have a major ripple effect throughout the department. That partially explained them going straight to the commissioner.

Not only had Olivia's efforts cleared his name, but she also had exposed a huge scandal within 1PP. Several deputy chiefs were implicated as well as a couple precinct captains.

After he was fully up to speed, he followed Rita to the Town Car that was waiting outside to take them to see the commissioner. Ed remained numb. He wouldn't let himself believe the nightmare was over until he was officially cleared.

"Cheer up," Rita said with a bump to his shoulder. "It's over."

"Yeah, thanks." He was sincere in his gratitude, but he was struggling to rid himself of the heaviness he'd felt since he left Olivia's apartment.

"It's not me you should be thanking," Rita said. She'd been good about not mentioning Olivia while the reviewed the materials, so it surprised him that she was bringing it up now.

He let out a heavy sigh.

"You're not going to forgive her for keeping her investigation from you?" Rita asked. "Seems like a small thing to me."

"She lied to me, Rita," he said.

"Most likely to protect you, you dolt," Rita said. "She stuck her neck out on this. She may still face a reprimand for breaking protocol."

He expected her to continue. Instead, she fell silent and left him to his thoughts.

* * *

Nearly four hours later, Ed and Rita sat at a high top table next to the front window at a posh little bar full of Wall Street traders and financiers. It was definitely more Rita's speed than Ed's, but she insisted and she was buying. As it turned out, they had a decent bourbon list, so Ed didn't complain.

Four hours at 1PP. In that time, he learned that it was Olivia who'd come through. She hadn't just worked with Morales. She'd had members of her squad looking into things. She'd called in favors. She'd used a private investigator. And somehow she'd kept them all unaware of each other.

In the end, she'd uncovered a major bribery scandal within the NYPD. It was mostly centered around Vice, drugs and money, and it went deep. The people being exposed had spent years covering their tracks, using money and threats to stay one step ahead.

At the top of the food chain was Bill Free. He's the one that hired Theresa and convinced her to go after Ed. He appeared to have some kind of leverage over her regarding a custody battle with her ex over their ten-year-old daughter.

There seemed to be a lot of complexities and nuances that Ed didn't even care to know, but would likely find out over the next several weeks. The craziest part of it all was that Ed appeared to have been targeted based on the erroneous assumption that he'd been hired by the commissioner to secretly investigate Free.

"I thought you'd be feeling a little more festive," Rita said clinking her glass of gin and tonic to his tumbler of bourbon.

"Huh?" Ed said, barely paying attention but picking up his glass.

"Aren't you relieved? Happy to be cleared?" Rita asked. "At the very least, you must be pissed at Free for putting you through all this over a misunderstanding?"

"Yeah, pissed." Ed said in monotone.

"If I'd known you were going to be this much fun, I wouldn't have bothered," Rita said giving him a look.

"What?" He said finally tearing his eyes away from the window and the spot on the sidewalk he'd been staring at while letting the events of the day sink in. When he saw Rita's annoyed expression he realized he'd been completely zoned out for he didn't know how long. "Sorry."

"Do you have any plans for your week off, since you don't have to be back until Monday?" Rita asked trying to get him out of his head and talking.

"No, I…" He started. "No."

"This is really quite a stimulating conversation," she mocked. "Let's try some words with a few more syllables, shall we? A full sentence, even?"

He smirked and took a sip of his drink. He didn't know where to begin. Instead he traced his fingers over the logo design that was etched on his glass.

"Here's a word with four syllables," Rita said with a raised eyebrow. "O-liv-i-a."

He stilled.

"You talked to her yet?"

"What's there to talk about?" He said wistfully. He wasn't surprised that Rita jumped right to that, but it didn't make it easier to talk about or think about.

"I'd think there's quite a bit you could say," she said. "Starting with 'thanks for saving my career'."

"You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do here," Rita said softening her tone ever so slightly. "But you are one miserable sonofabitch, and you have been ever since one, Miss Olivia Benson reappeared."

"I sorta had a lot going on besides her, don't cha think?"

She didn't dignify that with an answer and instead continued down her warpath. "She got to you, and you know and I know…"

He shot her a look of warning.

"You're still not over her." Rita defiantly continued.

"What difference does it make?" He asked. Olivia sent him packing once, what would stop her from doing it again.

"Well, she's not over you either," Rita said. "So there's that."

"Don't," he said. He didn't want to have this conversation with her now. He needed to step back, not wallow it what ifs and Rita's speculations. "It's over. She ended it." Emphasis on the 'she'.

"Are you serious?" Rita continued. "The woman risked her career, used SVU resources, her own connections, all to clear your name. You don't do that for something that's over. For someone you don't care about."

"Change the subject." Ed rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and slammed back the rest of his bourbon with the other. He glanced to his left and gave the bartender a nod.

"Fine," she said lifting her hands in surrender.

"What are you going to do with another week off?" She said. "Besides sulk around."

"Thought I might go upstate for a couple days."

The bartender brought over another round. They both nodded their thanks.

"Oh, sulking in a cabin versus your apartment," she said. "Charming."

"Rita."

She laughed and finally, mercifully fell silent. They weren't a pair who needed to fill every moment with idle chatter. So she let him retreat into his thoughts, for now.

The guy sitting at the table behind them bumped into her for the third time in 15 minutes. She shot him a dirty look then motioned for the bartender to bring the check.

Ed smiled. He'd warned her this place would end up too crowded for her liking.

She ignored the 'I told you so'. "Before you head out, can you meet me at the courthouse in the morning to sign a couple more things?"

"Sure," he said. "I wasn't planning on heading out until 10 or so. You want me to meet you at your office instead?"

"I'm in court all day," she said. "I know it's not exactly on your way."

"It's fine."

The bartender arrived with the bill, and Rita pushed her credit card across the table. Ed didn't bother with the pretense of offering to pay. She dragged them here.

"8:30?"

She flipped through her phone's calendar. "That should be fine."

"I'll text you when I get there," he offered. "And you can tell me where to find you."

They wrapped up their plans. She signed the receipt, and he let himself consider what Rita had been saying. Maybe he should give Olivia a call before he left town.

As Ed ushered her out the door, through the tiny wintertime vestibule and into the cold. Neither noticed the man who'd been sitting behind Rita get up and follow them out.


	18. Chapter 18

Fin and Olivia had just returned from 1PP. They had to give statements and corroborate the chain of custody on they'd evidence uncovered. As soon as he parked the sedan, she hopped out and made a beeline for the coffee truck on the corner. He chuckled but followed.

She needed all the caffeine she could get. It had been a rough night and even rougher morning.

Noah woke up just after midnight. All he said was that he'd had a bad dream. He was pretty worked up, so Olivia let him snuggle up in her bed. Unfortunately, sharing a bed with a five-year-old never made for a good sleep.

Then, Noah had been extra clingy this morning. He didn't want Lucy to do anything to help him get ready, only Mommy. He cried when Olivia said she had to go to work and was just generally out of sorts.

Her first thought was that Noah might be coming down with something. In the end, she decided to keep him home from school. Lucy said she could skip her study group that afternoon. Noah slightly perked up when he learned he didn't have to go to school, but he'd still given them fits when Olivia tried to leave.

She knew all about separation anxiety, but this seemed different. Even worse, she was also feeling a sense of unease that she couldn't shake.

She and Lucy managed to calm Noah by promising he could FaceTime Mommy at lunch. Olivia was barely going to make it back to the office in time.

Fin bumped her arm with the back of his hand. She shook her head and returned to the present.

"You talked to him?" Fin asked somewhat cautiously as he handed her the cup of coffee.

"He called," she said as she lifted the cup to her lips. She took a grateful sip of the bitter coffee.

"You gonna call him back?" He rarely inquired about her personal life. At the moment, she found she didn't mind.

"Haven't decided," she answered honestly. Ed had called her but when she didn't answer, he didn't bother to leave a message.

He cocked his head to the side and gave her a look over his shoulder. "Maybe you should give the guy a break." Then he turned back toward the 1-6.

Olivia narrowed her eyes as she fell in step beside him. Maybe Fin was right, but she really needed Ed to be the one to break the ice. She needed to know where his head was at, what his intentions were.

"Tutola!" A man shouted from across the street.

Fin and Olivia stopped and turned to see a tall, blond man in jeans and a red leather jacket waving them down. Olivia looked to Fin.

"Hanson?" Fin called to the man before lowering his voice and explaining to Olivia. "Old Vice informant."

"Yeah, man," Hanson shouted back. "You got a minute?" He looked at Olivia, then back to Fin with a cock of his head.

"I'll be up in a minute," Fin said to Olivia before stepping off the curb between two parked cars.

"Sure," Olivia said.

Just as she started to turn, movement from halfway down the block caught her eye. She froze. It was like the next twenty seconds played in slow motion. Her heart slammed in her chest.

A black sedan that was parallel parked a hundred yards away, suddenly pulled from its spot just as Fin started to cross the street.

At first, Fin didn't notice, but at the same time the car gunned its engine, Olivia shouted his name. He immediately realized he was the target. His jog turned into a sprint, but the car was closing the distance much too quickly.

"Fin!" Olivia screamed again. She pulled her weapon at the exact moment the car made impact.

She watched in horror as Fin tried to jump to the side at the last minute.

Her view was momentarily blocked by the vehicle, but the sound of metal on metal was unmistakable as the driver swerved to the right trying to block FIn's escape.

Olivia couldn't tell if Fin had managed to get out of the way in time. She went into autopilot rushing toward the scene of the crash. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Hanson's body jerk and convulse as he was gunned down.

At the sound of gun shots she ducked down behind the nearest car.

As the street filled with cops from the station, she peeked over the top of the car. The gunman was crawling out of the passenger side window and was shot instantly when he didn't obey the order to drop his gun.

The driver must have hit his head in the crash and was unconscious, slumped against the side window.

Then she saw Fin's legs lying motionless. The hood of the car still blocking her view of him.

As she rushed forward, she heard more screams and didn't even realize they were her own.

* * *

Across town, Ed had walked Rita the few blocks back to the courthouse. They were standing on the corner chatting about the case and she was filling him in on next steps. It was mostly paperwork at this point.

"Did you call her?" Rita asked, abruptly changing the subject.

"She didn't answer," he said. His defeated tone belied his doubt that she would call him back.

"She'll come around," Rita said in a rare moment of empathy.

He shrugged.

"She wouldn't have stuck her neck out like that if she didn't…"

A man in a baseball hat and denim jacket bumped into them. Rita muttered an 'excuse you' and shook her head at Ed.

Instead of moving along, the man stepped right in between them. Ed felt the barrel of a gun pressed against his ribs at the same time the guy grabbed his elbow and pulled him closer.

"A little thank you present," he said in Ed's ear.

"Calhoun," Ed grunted as he pushed his free hand into Rita's hip shoving her away.

Rita shot him a questioning glance.

 _Gun,_ he mouthed. The place was swarming with police officers, court officials and civilians.

Her eyes went wide as she scanned the area for the nearest uniform.

Time slowed to a crawl.

Ed tried to remain calm, but he knew there was nothing he could do to stop the inevitable. Over the top of the guy's shoulder, he saw Rita running toward the uni shouting. The only thought he could process was that he'd never before heard Rita raise her voice, much less yell.

He felt the gun jam even harder into his ribs. He was surrounded by cops, but he was defenseless. His only hope was to appeal to the guy's sense of self-preservation.

"You won't get out of here alive." Ed told the gunman in a low threatening voice.

"Neither will you," said the voice in his ear. "And neither will your girlfriend or her little brat."

The words barely registered with Ed before he reacted. He jammed his elbow as hard as he could into the gunman's abdomen catching him off guard and causing him to stumble back a half a step.

Ed used the opportunity to go for the gun.

Before he could, a shot rang out.


	19. Chapter 19

a/n: So sorry for the long delay after where things left off. Holidays, travel, family… c'est la vie.

Before we get going, a little reminder of where we left off…

* * *

 _At the Courthouse:_

 _Ed tried to remain calm, but he knew there was nothing he could do to stop the inevitable. Over the top of the guy's shoulder, he saw Rita running toward the uni shouting. The only thought he could process was that he'd never before heard Rita raise her voice, much less yell._

 _He felt the gun jam even harder into his ribs. He was surrounded by cops, but he was defenseless. His only hope was to appeal to the guy's sense of self-preservation._

 _"You won't get out of here alive." Ed told the gunman in a low threatening voice._

 _"Neither will you," said the voice in his ear. "And neither will your girlfriend or her little brat."_

 _The words barely registered with Ed before he reacted. He jammed his elbow as hard as he could into the gunman's abdomen catching him off guard and causing him to stumble back a half a step._

 _Ed used the opportunity to go for the gun._

 _Before he could, a shot rang out._

 _..._

 _Outside the 1-6:_

 _As the street filled with cops from the station, she peeked over the top of the car. The gunman was crawling out of the passenger side window and was shot instantly when he didn't obey the order to drop his gun._

 _The driver must have hit his head in the crash and was unconscious, slumped against the side window._

 _Then she saw Fin's legs lying motionless. The hood of the car still blocking her view of him._

 _As she rushed forward, she heard more screams and didn't even realize they were her own._

* * *

"I'm right here, Fin," Olivia said as she climbed into the back of the ambulance with him. He was unconscious but she told herself he needed to know she was there. She was with him.

She was thankful they'd been so close to the precinct. It had only taken minutes for half a dozen cops to rush the scene and radio for an ambulance.

She'd found Fin lying half on the sidewalk, half in the street. Blood was running from a cut just above his ear and his arm was at an odd angle.

It appeared that he'd been able to avoid being trapped between the two cars, but he'd clearly been struck. Olivia had worked with a tall skinny uni to check Fin for gunshot wounds without moving him too much. Thankfully, they found none.

He was breathing, but not responsive when the ambulance arrived. Olivia didn't get any resistance when she insisted on riding along.

Amanda was on the scene before the ambulance arrived, and remained behind to figure out what the hell happened. Olivia was thankful to have one of her own on scene to make sure it was handled properly. Not that she didn't respect other units, but she took greater comfort knowing it was being handled by Amanda and not some stranger.

It was an obvious set up, but why? Who? Olivia's mind was racing with questions as the ambulance raced down the street.

Traffic police paved the way ahead, blocking off the intersections between them and Bellevue. They made it in record time.

Olivia tried to listen to every word as the EMT's gave report to the doctor and nurses who met them at the ambulance bay. She knew they were concerned about internal bleeding and head trauma, but she also heard them say he was stabilized.

"Please," she said putting her hand on the doctor's arm as they wheeled Fin toward a set of double doors. She didn't even know what she was asking.

"We'll take good care of him," a nurse said. She pushed on Olivia's shoulder causing her to drop her hand and step back. "But we need to get him to x-ray stat."

"I'll let you know as soon as we have something," the doctor said never stopping his assessment of Fin.

The doors hadn't even closed, when Olivia's phone buzzed. She glanced at it, hoping it was Amanda.

 _Rita Calhoun._

Olivia pressed the button to send the call directly to voicemail.

* * *

"Dammit Olivia, pick up the phone," Rita cursed as she punched the screen again. She listened as it rang once and again was sent to voicemail.

She decided to change tactics. Switching to text, she cut straight to the chase.

 _Ed was shot. CALL ME._

She stood in the small waiting area at Mount Sinai and tried to think of another method. Instead of waiting for a reply, she scanned through her phone and found the only other SVU detective in her contacts. She hit the button and let it ring.

"Carisi." He answered on the second ring.

"It's Calhoun," she said.

"Counselor?" He asked, somewhat less enthusiastic than she usually found him to be. "It's not really a good time."

"Tucker's been shot," She said her tone clinical and detached. "I need to get word to Olivia, but she's not picking up."

"Captain Tucker was shot?" Carisi said. "When? Where?"

"Less than thirty minutes ago," she said. "Outside the courthouse."

"Fin was just mowed down right outside the precinct," he said.

"Wait, Fin was shot, too?" Rita asked. That couldn't be right.

"Not shot," Carisi answered. "Hit and run. Lieu said it was intentional."

Rita's instincts were firing on all signals. "Carisi, I need you to listen to me. Get some uni's to Olivia's kid's school. And send a protective detail to Fin and one here to Mount Sinai. Someone you trust."

"What's…" Carisi began, but Rita cut him off. Her phone beeped, she saw that Olivia was trying to call her back.

"It's probably nothing," Rita said. "But don't you find it odd that Tucker and Fin were attacked at the same time? Olivia needs to know what's going on. I've got to go." She hung up trusting he would do as she demanded. Then she dialed Olivia once again.

"You're probably right," he said to dead air.

* * *

As soon as she got the text from Rita, she frantically tried to call back. This time she was the one sent to voicemail.

She cursed under her breath and went to redial. Before she could hit the green button, her phone buzzed again. Adrenaline was coursing through her entire body when she swiped the screen.

"What the hell happened?" Olivia answered without even bothering with hello. "Is Ed okay?"

"He's in surgery," Rita said. "Where are you?"

"At Bellevue with Fin," Olivia answered. Then she repeated her question. "Is Ed okay?"

"He's in surgery," Rita also repeated. "I don't know anything yet."

"Where was he hit? Who shot him?"

"Olivia," Rita said, interrupting her thoughts.

Rita's tone got Olivia's attention and the dread she'd felt from this morning returned in force.

"Carisi is sending a patrol car to Noah's school to pick him up and stay with him until you get there."

"What?" Olivia's heart stopped. First, Fin. Then, Ed. Now, Noah. "He's not at school today. I kept him home."

"It's probably nothing," Rita said. "Just something Ed said before he lost consciousness. Don't want to take any chances."

"Rita, has there been a threat against my son?" Olivia asked her mind racing. She ran to the nurses station and tossed her card at the first person she saw in scrubs.

Rita could hear Olivia barking orders to some poor nurse or orderly and assumed she was already on her way out of the hospital.

"Olivia, I don't know. Ed mentioned you both before he lost consciousness. He was agitated. I thought he just wanted you there, but then when you said Fin was hit at nearly the same time that Ed was shot…"

"You think this was a coordinated attack?" Olivia said stopping in her tracks.

"I hope not," Rita said.

"Call me when you have any concrete," Olivia said. She ended their call and immediately fired off a text to Carisi. She wanted him to head straight to her apartment and have the patrol car sit on the school.

Her next call was to Lucy.

"Hey Liv," Lucy answered. "Noah's ready to FaceTime whenever you are."

Olivia realized she was half an hour late for their date. "Lucy, where are you?"

"Home," she answered. "Is everything okay?"

"I need you to make sure the door's locked. And do not answer for anyone except me or Carisi. No one"

"Okay," Lucy answered, the fear evident in her voice.

"It's probably a false alarm, but there may have been a threat." Olivia said trying to keep her voice steady.

"Okay," Lucy repeated.

"Carisi should be there any minute, and I'll be there soon. So just hang tight."

Olivia was jogging down the middle of the street trying to find a cab. She quickly found one and jumped in the back seat.

"I'm going to stay on the line with you until Carisi gets there," she said into the phone after giving the driver her address.

They kept talking. Olivia was on autopilot and didn't register any part of the conversation.

When the taxi was about ten blocks from her building, Carisi got there. Olivia breathed a small sigh of relief, but she wouldn't be able to relax until she was there, too.

She did hang up the phone however. She had other calls to make.

She called Amanda and filled her in on the latest. Amanda agreed there was cause for concern. She would send protective details to both hospitals, and then head over to be with Fin. She'd also take care of notifying Fin's son.

Olivia felt guilty leaving so much to Amanda, but her singular focus was getting to Noah. Until she knew he was safe, nothing else mattered.

* * *

"Mommy!" Noah called as he ran into Olivia's arms seconds after she came through the door. "You home early! And Uncle Sonny comed over."

Olivia lifted him into a tight hug and breathed him in.

"Mommy, too tight," he said and squirmed to get down.

"Sorry, sweet boy," she said easing up and lowering him to the floor. She ruffled his hair. "Mommy just missed you."

"Where Tuck?" Noah asked.

Olivia looked to Carisi who just shrugged. Then she looked at Lucy.

"He's been asking about Captain Tucker all day," Lucy whispered.

"Tuck can't be here right now," Olivia said bending down to Noah's level. Olivia found it a bit odd that Noah was asking about Ed today. He hadn't mentioned him since their Saturday morning breakfast. "Can you let Mommy and Uncle Sonny talk for a minute while Lucy gets you some ice cream."

Noah looked at her as if he knew she was up to something, but his love for ice cream won out. Olivia gave Lucy a tight smile as she ushered Noah toward the kitchen.

As soon as they were alone, Olivia and Carisi filled each other in. Carisi agreed with her that it couldn't be a coincidence that Ed and Fin were attacked at almost exactly the same time. They were still unclear why Rita thought that Noah might be in danger, but they weren't taking any risks.

They discussed options. Olivia was hesitant to leave Noah, but she knew that Amanda would have notified Dodds after taking care of more immediate concerns.

"Lieutenant," Carisi said returning to her more formal title to emphasize his point. "With all due respect, you're going to get a call from the Chief any minute. You don't want Noah stuck with some uni's, so just let me take him and Lucy to my place."

Olivia sighed in frustration. He was right, on all counts. Moments like this made her hate her job, but she knew Carisi was her best option. She trusted him with her son more than anyone else available.

"Liv," he said softening his tone a bit. "Let me do this. If this is a coordinated attack, you need to get on top of it. And you know I'd do anything to keep Noah safe."

"I know." Her voice caught in her throat, but she was nodding in agreement.

As if to prove Carisi's point, her phone rang. It was Dodds.

Carisi gave her a sympathetic tilt of his head. He surprised her by also reaching up and squeezing her shoulder. The look in his eyes was one of resolve and confidence. It bolstered her strength, momentarily.

SVUSVUSVU

The next two and half hours were a tortuously slow whirlwind.

Amanda texted that Fin was out of surgery and stable. He was under 24-hour protective detail and seemed to be out of the woods.

The driver that hit him was in a coma due to swelling of the brain. The passenger with he gun had escaped. Hansen was dead. TARU had both the driver's and Hansen's phones and were dumping them for any intel.

Carisi checked in via text every half hour. He, Lucy and Noah were safely tucked away at his apartment, and a detail car was parked outside.

The officers sent to Noah's school hadn't encountered anything suspicious, but obtained the external security footage under the guise of investigating a crime in the neighborhood.

Dodds met her at Mount Sinai. The man who shot Ed was killed on site by courthouse guard. His phone was also being dumped. At this point, everyone was convinced it was a planned hit.

That only left Ed.

It hadn't really sunk in until Olivia arrived at the hospital to find a stricken Rita. Her skirt and blouse were still covered in Ed's blood.

There was so much blood.

 _Chest wound. Still in surgery._ Rita had muttered to Olivia when she arrived. Then she'd reverted to silence, obviously still in shock.

That's all Olivia knew as she paced the waiting area in the OR, checking her phone every couple of minutes for updates on Fin.

 _Chest wound._

The words tumbled through her mind on a loop, her own chest tight.

"Lieutenant," Dodds called as he approached from the entrance across the hall.

"Chief," she answered, taking the cup of coffee he held out. "Thanks."

"Not sure it's still hot," he said apologetically. "Any word?"

"Still in surgery." She had to keep her response short. It was the only way she could be sure her emotions wouldn't seep to the surface. Just days ago, Ed Tucker had sat in her kitchen making swirly pancakes with Noah. Just yesterday, he'd called her, and she ignored him.

Now, he laid in an operating room with his chest opened up. She took a sip of the coffee and discovered Dodds was right. It was luke warm and bitter. She didn't care.

"Olivia," Dodds said putting his hand on her arm and motioned toward two open seats in the corner next to where Rita sat. "Why don't we sit?"

"I'm fine," she said.

He cocked his head. "You haven't heard a word I've said."

She squinted at him and realized that he'd been filling her in on 1PP's actions. She had no idea what he'd said.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Dodds said with sincerity. "Nobody saw this coming."

She nodded and took another sip of the horrible hospital coffee.

"He'll pull through," he said.

She turned away toward the double doors leading to the OR. She didn't want platitudes and unfounded reassurance. She wanted the doctor to walk through those doors and tell her Ed was out of surgery and okay.

As if the universe was playing her, the doors did open and the doctor walked though.

Olivia took a deep breath and scanned the doctor's face for any hint of the news he was about to deliver.

 _ **tbc**_


	20. Chapter 20

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The heart monitor's steady rhythm was both a comfort and a reminder of what was almost lost.

Olivia sat in a chair in the opposite corner of room from the bed. The blinds were drawn and the only light was a dimmed overhead spotlight that barely illuminated the bed. The nurse had finally left and asked that Olivia notify the front desk if Ed woke up and needed anything.

She still had her phone in her hand. It had finally gone quiet about half an hour ago. She didn't know how long the respite would last.

She'd finally convinced Rita to let a squad car take her home to change out of her bloody clothes. Barba had offered to come up and sit with her. So far, she'd held him off, but he wouldn't leave her alone for long. Between him and the doctors and nurses who would be checking in frequently, Olivia coveted the remaining moments she had alone in this room with an unconscious Ed Tucker.

She needed this moment.

She watched his chest rise and fall, listened to the machines that monitored his vitals, and tried to keep her emotions in check.

The doctor had assured her that Ed would be okay. Despite their initial worry, while the bullet had caused significant blood loss, it had resulted in surprisingly minimal internal damage.

The bullet had miraculously missed his ribs and just nicked his spleen which was responsible for most of the blood loss. They'd repaired the damage in surgery and narrowly avoided having to give him a transfusion. Other than a few scrapes and bruises, his only other injury was a sprained wrist, likely obtained in the struggle for the gun.

He would be tired and weak and very sore, but they expected a full recovery. Olivia wanted to stay the night, but she needed to get home to Noah.

Before she could do that, she had to stop in to see Fin who was also out of surgery. She didn't know all the details, but Amanda's report indicated that his injuries were a bit more serious. He was stable and had a good prognosis. That was the important part.

Olivia just needed to see Ed open his eyes. To hear his voice. To know he was okay.

He'd been out of surgery for over an hour, but when he'd briefly woken in post-op, he'd been agitated and in pain, so they gave him a dose of morphine which had effectively knocked him out. She could wake him, but that seemed cruel.

Instead, she held vigil from her chair in the darkened corner.

* * *

"Uncle Sonny?" Noah called from his place on Carisi's couch where he'd been watching TV for the past couple hours. Lucy had left to go to her class about an hour ago, and warned that Olivia didn't like a lot of TV, but Carisi needed to keep the boy distracted so he could help Amanda coordinate a response.

"Yeah, No," Carisi said as he came in from the kitchen. He found Noah perched on his knees looking over the back of the couch watching him intently.

"Is Tuck gonna be okay?" Noah asked.

"Captain Tucker?" Carisi asked. "What do you mean?"

"The bad man," Noah said. "He hurted my Tuck. Is he gonna be okay?"

Carisi didn't know what to say or how to answer. He had no idea how Noah knew about Ed.

"Tucker's going to be just fine," he finally said. He didn't know the extent of Ed's injuries, but Olivia had texted that Ed was out of surgery and expected to recover.

"Is the bad man gone?" Noah looked genuinely scared.

"Yeah, he's all gone." Carisi said hoping to appease Noah, but he was also curious and concerned. "What do you know about Tucker and the bad man?"

Noah looked down. So Carisi sat next to him and put a hand on the kid's back.

"It's okay Noah," Carisi said, his concern growing. "You can tell Uncle Sonny. Maybe I can help."

"The man had a gun," Noah said, his lip quivering slightly. "He shooted Tuck."

Noah stared to sniffle, so Carisi pulled him into his lap.

"Noah, Tuck is fine, okay," Carisi said. "Your mommy just sent me a text. He did get hurt, but he's going to be okay in just a few days."

"You promise?" Noah asked.

Coming from a large Catholic family, Carisi had tons of experience with kids. Cousins, nieces, nephews, he'd learned early on how to handle kids. Thanks to Amanda and Jesse, the whole squad had taken to calling him the "baby whisperer." Truth be told he didn't mind, and right now, he was thankful.

"Tuck was hurt, but the doctors are taking good care of him."

Noah eyed him as though he understood that Carisi wasn't going to promise.

"Noah," Carisi decided to try again. "How do you know about the bad man with the gun?"

"In my dream, he shooted Tuck," Noah said getting more worked up. "Then Mommy told you he in the hospital."

Carisi realized that Noah must have overheard part of his conversation with Liv. He didn't want to overstep or upset Noah more, so he hesitated.

"Okay," Carisi said and rubbed Noah's shoulder. "Tuck's going to be okay, and the bad man can't hurt anyone else."

Noah seemed to accept the answer and turned his attention back to the lego movie on TV. After a few minutes he squirmed out of Carisi's lap, but stayed half tucked into his side.

Carisi kept his arm around Noah's shoulders and pulled his phone from his pocket with his other hand. He fired off a text to Liv to get a status report.

* * *

Olivia's phone buzzed. It startled her and she dropped it. Her plastic phone case clanged loudly against the tile floor.

She cursed under her breath and retrieved the device. She glanced in Ed's direction before checking to see what message had caused the alert.

Two messages. One from Carisi, just checking in. And one from Rita, who was on her way back to the hospital. Olivia started to respond and tell Rita to take her time since Ed was still out, but a noise from across the room stopped her.

A soft moan escaped from Ed's lips, and Olivia's head snapped up.

She saw that he was stirring at the commotion she caused and immediately jumped up and moved to his side.

His lips were moving, but he wasn't speaking loud enough for her to make out what he was saying. He was obviously upset.

"Shh," she said patting his arm. "Don't try to talk."

He looked at her, eyes wide and blinking too fast.

"Ed," she soothed. "You're okay. Gun shot was through and through. You're gonna be fine."

He shook his head ever so slightly. If she hadn't been watching him so closely, she might have missed the gesture.

She almost reached up and caressed his cheek, but stopped short.

Again he tried to say something and was clearly struggling to get his voice to cooperate. He grimaced and closed his eyes.

She ran her hand down his arm and gripped his hand. "Don't try to talk."

He opened his eyes at that, and all she saw then was determination. She squeezed his hand.

"No," he finally croaked out.

Olivia wasn't sure what he meant. Did he not want her here? She started to withdraw her hand. He squeezed it, a little more firmly this time. She stilled and looked at him.

"Noah?" His voice was a little stronger, but she could tell it was taking effort.

"He's fine," she said.

His eyes told her that he needed more assurance.

"He's with Carisi," she added. "He's okay. He's safe."

Ed took a measured breath and closed his eyes once more. His agitation noticeably diminished, but his frustration at his condition was palpable.

Olivia knew she should probably get the nurse, but she wanted another few minutes. Just a few.

"Okay," Ed said. He tried to swallow and continue, but was struggling.

"Water?" Olivia asked.

He tucked his chin down in a slight nod. It was clear he was still trying to get his bearings.

She pulled her hand from his. He looked a little panicked.

"I'm just going to get you some water," she said gesturing toward the cup sitting on the stand on the opposite side of the bed.

He didn't try to follow her actions, but his body visibly relaxed.

A couple minutes later, she'd inclined the bed just enough that he could lift his head to take a couple sips but not so much that it bent his body. She knew he hated needing any kind of physical assistance, so she let his reactions guide her.

She held the cup out and let him take it with his good hand. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he tried to focus on the simple task of holding a cup while simultaneously lifting his head.

She didn't say anything, she simply wrapped one of her hands over his that was holding the cup, and placed the other at the base of his neck, available to offer more help if needed, but not forcing it.

He managed a couple sips from the straw before it became too much. He let his head fall back against the pillow, and Olivia quickly sat the cup back on the little stand next to the bed.

She watched him. He looked pale. She'd never seen him like this.

"Thanks," he said, finally able to speak. "What? Who?"

"We don't know," she answered. Then she asked what she'd been dying to know all day. "Why did you tell Rita that Noah was in danger?"

"Shooter mentioned you both," he said, the emotion behind his words twisting his face into a grimace. "It's the last thing I remember until now."

Olivia blanched. The man who shot Ed had actually made a threat against her and Noah.

Suddenly, it was real.

She needed to be with Noah.

Ed let out a breath. "You should go home."

She looked at him in surprise.

"Noah's your top priority." He was only half successful in masking his disappointment. "I'm sure the doctors and nurses can take care of me."

She didn't know how to respond. Noah was her _top_ priority, but if she'd learned anything in the last six months, it was that she missed having other 'priorities'. And no matter what she tried to tell herself and everyone else, Ed Tucker was the one she missed the most.

He watched her, but didn't say anything else. What more could be said?

She wanted to tell him that she'd been wrong, that he was still a priority to her. But he wasn't in a state of mind to have that conversation, and with the certain knowledge that there was a true threat against her son, she wasn't in the right state of mind either.

"Ed," Olivia said and squeezed his forearm.

He looked away. The openness that had been in his features began to fade. His eyes were once again foggy from the morphine, and she could almost feel him slipping away from her. She didn't even know how much of this conversation he'd remember, if he remembered it at all.

"S'okay," he mumbled. "I'm kinda tired anyway."

"It's not that I want to go." Her voice was barely a whisper. "It's Noah. I have to go."

"I get it, Liv." Ed was buttoned up, almost like the old days. None of the man she'd come to know and love seemed accessible at the moment. "Really, I do."

"Okay," she said. Not wanting to have this conversation with him while he was so out of it. "Rita's on her way back. Is it okay if I stay until she gets here?"

He nodded but didn't say anything.

As if on cue, Olivia's phone buzzed with another text from Rita asking if Olivia wanted her to bring her some coffee. Olivia declined.

"Rita's here," she said softly.

Ed hummed a response.

Oliva looked down at him, and bit her lip when he closed his eyes at her scrutiny. She couldn't fault him. She was the one who ended things. But another part of her also wanted to damn him for not seeing through her insecurities and fighting harder for them.

She huffed a bitter laugh. He was in no condition to fight for anything at the moment.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'll call or come by tomorrow, if that's okay?"

He didn't respond, and when she looked down she saw that his eyes were closed and his face was starting to relax, the morphine asserting its hold once again.

She slipped out the door.

Her phone buzzed again. She sighed when she saw Dodds' name.

"Benson."

"Lieutenant," Dodds said. "How's Tucker?"

"Out of surgery, stable," she answered. "Still pretty out of it from the pain medication."

"Can you get away?"

She hesitated. She wanted to get home to Noah, not get sucked into something with the Chief.

"Driver of the car that hit Fin just woke up."

* * *

 _a/n: Up next, more Tuckson of the slightly less angsty variety...well at least they're in the same room again..._


	21. Chapter 21

a/n: Two updates in one day. One for each review I've gotten after the first update today...side eye... jk... sort of...

* * *

Ed stood in Olivia's shower with his torso wrapped in plastic to keep it dry. He let the hot water soothe his tired, aching body.

 _What am I doing here?_ He thought as he listened to the water splash against the tiles and run down the drain.

Rita had bullied them both into it, he decided.

The doctors wouldn't release him unless he had someone to stay with him for a few days to help him change the dressing on his wound and help him get around. It would have been so much easier for Rita to stay at his apartment for the rest of the week, but she insisted she had a big case that would keep her tied up.

Olivia didn't want to uproot Noah, but said Ed could stay with them to satisfy the doctor's orders. Thinking about it now, he was pretty sure it wasn't Olivia who offered but that Rita offered for her. He'd have to ask Rita or Olivia about that because he'd been too high on morphine to really have any solid memories, so most of their conversations blended together.

It had taken one last night in the hospital being woken up every couple of hours by a nurse checking his vitals to convince him to do whatever it took to secure his release. Olivia seemed surprisingly fine with the arrangement, and that made him even more uncomfortable.

He expected it to be awkward, but Olivia was acting like it was no big deal. He wanted to take his cues from her, but this was a big deal. Wasn't it?

After pushing him away, now she was going to nurse him back to health for a week? It was probably just a Florence Nightingale thing. She felt bad because he was hurt. She might think it meant she still had feelings for him, but once he was okay, she'd realize they were still who they were.

He huffed and dragged his hand over his face slinging the water out of his eyes. His upper body was still so stiff and sore he could barely manage the shower, but after three and a half days in a hospital bed and an awkward lukewarm sponge bath in the cramped hospital bathroom, he was determined.

However, after relying on Olivia to help him get his shirt off and wrap his abdomen, then doing the rest on his own, being on his feet for this long was starting to wear on him. He hated being this fatigued with such little exertion. The doctors said it would be several weeks before he fully got his energy back, but he'd never felt so physically weak.

As if to emphasize this weakness, when Ed lifted his head, a wave of dizziness washed over him. He braced himself against the tiles once again and tried to breathe through it. He blindly reached for curtain to find his towel, but in his disoriented state he didn't realize he'd turned the wrong way. Instead of hitting the curtain, his hand brushed over the rack in the corner knocking into some bottles.

The sound of a bottle crashing against the tiles seemed to vibrate through his whole body. He cursed, and tried to regroup.

Within seconds, he heard the door open.

"You okay?" Olivia called softly. He could tell she remained at the door.

"Fine," he said, but his voice was shaky.

"You sure?" She pressed.

"Olivia, just give me a minute," he said through gritted teeth. This was awkward enough without her having to help him out of the damn shower.

"I'm right outside if you need anything," she said. Then he heard the door close.

Ed knew he didn't have much time before she insisted on helping him. He also didn't have much time left before he'd need her to.

He took a couple steadying breaths and shut off the water. He made sure to keep a firm grip on the shower door before trying to move. He sucked in a ragged breath and moved as quickly as he could manage to get out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist holding it with one hand and holding onto the counter with the other.

Even that was difficult because his sprained wrist was still weak and tender. He could manage the towel, but if his right arm gave out, he didn't trust his left to be of much use in terms of support.

He let go of the counter to try to better secure the towel causing him to stumble. His thigh banged into the cabinet as he planted his hip against the counter for stability.

"Shit," he muttered.

"Ed," Olivia called with a light knock on the door. "Can I come in?"

He hesitated.

* * *

Olivia had panicked when she heard the bang in the shower and had only been slightly appeased by his verbal assurance he was okay. When she heard the second bang after the water was turned off, her concern grew.

His silence wasn't helping. She was giving him 60 seconds more before she barged in. She almost laughed at the absurdity of the moment, of the whole situation. A wounded Ed Tucker staying at her house, so she could look after him. It was almost like she was in a bad fanfiction.

On the other side of the door, she heard him moan then more shuffling and banging around.

"Okay, that's it," she said. "I'm coming in."

She opened the door and took him in. He was holding a towel around his waist and bracing himself against the counter. He looked over his shoulder at her, and she saw the swirl of confusion as he tried to get his bearings.

"Dizzy?"

Ed grunted an affirmation, and she feared he might collapse right there.

He was pale and obviously weakened by the effort of taking a shower. He was also still dripping wet.

 _Shit._ She thought. This wasn't going to be easy, in a lot of ways.

She grabbed his dark blue terry cloth robe from the back of the bathroom door, thankful that he'd had the insight to tell her to pack it for him.

Olivia draped the robe around his shoulders. "I need you to tell me how to help you."

"Just need to sit for a minute," Ed said looking not at her but at her reflection in the slightly foggy mirror.

She looked first to the closed toilet lid, but then decided against it. Getting him back up could be tricky in the small space.

Ed watched her as she grabbed a second towel from the cabinet and slung it over her shoulder. He shivered slightly when she moved to his side.

"Let's get you to the bed," she said. Then she moved even closer and gently slipped her arm around his waist keeping the injured side next to her, so she could more firmly grip his hip on the good side.

He held his towel with one hand and got his other arm around her shoulder. He looked worried.

"I'm stronger than I look," she said. The words carried so many more layers of meaning than she'd intended.

He remained stoic.

"Come on." She ignored her own slip of the tongue. "You're going to have to help me a little."

Olivia grunted in surprise when Ed let his weight lean in to her. She felt him pressed heavily against her side and hoped they could make it the dozen or so steps from her bathroom to her bed.

He was breathing hard through his nose. Each breath forced and steady. She knew he was trying to use his breathing to focus, so she synced her breaths with his to help his body accept his mind's control.

They got to the bed and she flipped the towel off of her shoulder onto the bed and hastily tried to smooth it with one hand while still supporting much of Ed's weight. They clumsily turned, so she could help him sit.

The robe slipped from his shoulders and fell behind him, so it was half hanging off the bed. He'd somehow managed to keep a grip on his towel, but it had fallen open across his thigh and was barely covering him at this point. She ignored his state of undress and tried to remain clinical in her thoughts and actions.

"What do you need?" She said leaning down so she was at his eye level. "Meds? Water?"

"Yeah." Ed kept his head bowed, still focused on his breathing.

Olivia noticed him shiver again. She reached across his body to retrieve the robe and heard his sharp intake of air as her shoulder brushed his chest.

She instantly feared that this was a bad idea, but they were here now, so she was going to figure it out. She pulled the robe back around his shoulders and rubbed her hands up and down his arms.

"I'm good."

She looked up at him then and realized how close they were. His eyes were still clouded in pain, and she kept her focus on helping him.

"Do you want to lie back?" She straightened up and took a step back.

"Uhh." He looked uncertain as his eyes darted from his lap to the pillows stacked against the headboard.

It was then she realized her mistake. She should have gotten him to the chair, so he'd have some support while the meds kicked in. Getting him situated in the bed was going to be difficult. Getting him situated without an embarrassing towel malfunction was going to be damn near impossible.

She grabbed a couple pillows and stuck them under his arm to help him stay propped up. "Let's get some oxy in your system, then we'll worry about moving."

He mumbled something she took as agreement.

As she hurried from the room to find his medications, Olivia heard him groan loudly. She almost turned back, but her instinct told her to let him get himself a little more covered up on his own.

* * *

Ed breathed hard as he lifted his hip off the bed and straightened his towel more securely around his waist. He wanted to pummel the doctor who'd said he was lucky the bullet only went through soft tissue. He felt almost completely helpless.

Every deep breath caused an uncomfortable stretch in the stitches in his side. Trying to sit up or stand on his own felt like the stitches and half of his gut were going to burst. He'd broken ribs before and knew to expect limited mobility, but this was on a whole new scale. It was like he could almost feel the entire path the bullet had taken through his body everytime he moved.

Hopefully, the doctor had one thing right, muscle would heal faster than bone. In the meantime, he had no need to play a tough guy. He'd take all the meds he was allowed.

Olivia returned and dropped to her knee by the bed. She handed him a little white pill, waited for him to pop it in his mouth, then unscrewed the cap from a bottle of water.

Ed gulped down the pill and about a third of the water. When he handed it back to her their fingers brushed against each other.

It was odd because even though she'd just had him flush against her side while he was half naked, the accidental touch of their hands seemed to fluster both of them even more. He'd have sworn she actually blushed.

Not that he had much time to notice. She took the bottle and rocked back on her heels before standing up. He watched her look around the room and the bed.

"I can almost hear the wheels turning in that pretty head of yours," he said.

She smirked away the compliment. "Meds already kicking in, I see." Even though they both knew that wasn't possible.

"Just help me get my feet up," he said returning to the practical. He knew a Benson deflection when he got one. He also knew she was trying to figure out how to get him comfortable.

She did as he asked and helped him swing his feet up onto the bed. He didn't have the abdominal strength to stay upright without back support, so he sort of collapsed back onto the pillows she had piled up.

"Guess all these pillows do come in handy," he said closing his eyes and letting his body adjust to the new position.

When she didn't answer he cracked open one eye to find her smirking at him once again. When they were together, he'd often teased her about the mass of unused pillows she insisted on keeping because they looked nice.

He smiled ever so slightly and sank back into the familiar feel and scent of Olivia Benson's bed.

* * *

a/n: And so begins the slow burn…


	22. Chapter 22

a/n: Sorry for the delay. I've been fighting whatever hell of a bug that's been going around :( But I've got a longish, uninterrupted Tuckson scene for you...

* * *

"Ed." Olivia gently squeezed his shoulder. She knew he wasn't fully asleep, but it had been almost half an hour since he took his meds. It wouldn't be long before he was completely out, and she needed to deal with his bandages.

He slowly opened his eyes and muttered something she couldn't make out.

"We need to get this off of you and change the dressings." She slowly pulled the blanket down to his waist.

"It can't wait?" His eyes were droopy and not quite focused.

"It'll be a hell of a lot easier now, before you're out of it."

"M'kay," he muttered.

She still wasn't sure he was fully awake, but they'd make due. His robe was mostly a backdrop at this point. It was half on one shoulder, but the rest was folded under his body.

"Ed, I'm going to cut this wrap off," Olivia said grabbing the small pair of scissors.

"Mmm." He watched as she ran her hand down his chest to the bottom edge of the plastic just below his navel. Even in his foggy state, he was suddenly acutely aware of her every movement.

Olivia avoided his gaze and focused on the task at hand. She tried not to think about the heat of his skin, or the way his muscles contracted at her touch. She tried to ignore the familiar contours of his chest. His arms. His shoulders.

He never looked up. He just watched her hands. She wondered if her touch brought back the same memories, or if he'd made himself forget.

He held his breathe as she gently slipped her fingers under the edge of the wrap and nicked the edge with the scissors hoping it would just tear. Unfortunately, it was crinkled and required a little more aggressive approach. She hacked away with the scissors while periodically glancing up at his face to make sure he wasn't falling asleep.

His eyes never left her hands.

When she finally cut through, she realized they were heading toward the most difficult part. "Can you roll toward your side, so I can get this out from under you?"

"Hmm?" He wasn't sure what she'd just asked him.

She reached up and squeezed his shoulder again to get him to look at her.

"What?" His eyes fluttered and squinted at the brightness, even though the only light in the room was a lamp next to the bed.

"Help me out here," she said again. "I need to get these wet towels and things out from under you."

At first, he struggled to get his eyes to focus. Once he found hers, he locked on.

She saw his moment of lucidity and decided to make the most of it.

"If I help you, do you think you can sit up?"

He wasn't sure, but he nodded anyway.

She sat on the bed next to his hip and leaned forward to let him wrap his left arm around her neck. He used his good arm to help her push them both back up. Slowly.

Thankfully, the meds had started to take the edge off. He could still feel the pinch in his side, but it was manageable for a minute or two.

Worse than the physical ache in his body was the torrent of memories that flooded him as he breathed in the scent of her hair. It was a heady thought to be in her bed, dressed in only a towel, with her hands all over him, even if her motive was purely medicinal.

Olivia heard his sharp intake of breath. "You okay?"

"Just be quick." He let his head rest against hers. He hated that he was so medicated and in pain for this moment.

She tried to ignore the feel of his temple pressed to hers and the puff of his short breaths against her neck. She pulled the plastic off his back, then tugged the robe out from under him and tossed it to the side.

"I think the back bandage is fine," she said, not sure either of them could manage dealing with it at the moment.

"Mmm."

Olivia swallowed hard. She wasn't sure which was more difficult, his lack of words or the feel of his hum as it reverberated against her chest.

She felt his jaw tighten as she started to help him lean back.

"Almost there." She closed her eyes trying not to notice their proximity.

She started to extract her arm from behind his neck and shoulder once he was back against the pillows. He tightened his grip.

Olivia's eyes flew open and she froze. She listened to his ragged breaths and tried to figure out what was going on.

"Ed?"

"A minute." His voice was rough. Without being able to see his eyes she wasn't sure if it was due to pain or emotion. "I need…a minute."

"Okay," she soothed. "It's okay." She stopped her retreat and rested her hand on his chest keeping her weight off of him.

She let him hold her in an awkward embrace for what felt like an eternity. His body was thrumming with tension. Hers probably was too, but she was too numb to tell.

She focused on the beat of his heart under her hand. Steady. Stronger than she'd expected in his weakened state. It gave her a peace that she dared not try to explain.

Ever so slowly, Olivia could feel Ed's body start to relax, but his grip was still firm around her. She tried not to think about it. Just be here for him in this moment, she repeated to herself.

Her body had other ideas. Her body remembered how it felt to be held by him. Even in his injured, medicated state, he still felt like him. Like he was hers.

"Liv," Ed groaned. "Too much."

She snapped out of her trance and realized that she'd let her body relax into his. She was probably crushing him.

"Shit," she said and quickly pulled her weight off of him. "I'm sorry."

His arm fell from her shoulder to the bed as she pulled away.

"S'okay," he managed, but his face was tight.

"You sure?" She quickly ran her hands over the bandage on his chest.

"Yeah."

She finally had the courage to meet his eyes.

Thankfully, they were a bit cloudy with the effects of the oxy. Maybe he wouldn't remember any of this.

"Okay," she put on her game face. "I still need to look at that bandage."

He nodded.

She carefully began to peel away the tape from the edges. He sucked in a breath as the tape pulled at his skin.

Her eyes flicked up to his.

Now, it was his turn to look away.

She finally got the last piece of tape off. Even though the gauze had been slightly damp around the edges, the wound looked dry, not irritated. She grabbed the gauze pad and tape that she'd set on the nightstand earlier.

"Does it feel okay?" She asked before she got to work.

"As good as can be expected." It was the longest sentence he'd uttered in a while.

She looked up to see that he was once again watching her hands as the moved over his body. She returned to her task and realized she should have torn the tape first.

"Can you hold this?"

He didn't answer, but he did lift his left hand to replace hers. His wrist was still in a brace, but his hand was free to hold the bandage. His pushed her fingers aside with his, and for the second time since they'd arrived a few hours ago, she was startled by the painful intimacy of a simple touch.

Ed let out a breath and nudged her hand.

Once again, Olivia realized that his contact had caused her to still her movements. _Get a grip, Benson._ She didn't bother with an apology this time. She also didn't dare to make eye contact.

A few minutes later, she had him taped up. However, he still was laying there completely naked save for the towel loosely wrapped around his waist.

"Just get me a blanket," he said.

He must have noticed her trying to figure out what to do.

"Sure." She hurried across the room to her closet and pulled out a giant fleece NYDP blanket.

"Maybe leave some boxers in reach?" He said looking toward his duffle bag that was on the chair in the corner.

She looked at him for the first time in several minutes. There was no way he could accomplish that task.

"Just leave them here next to me," he said. "I'll manage."

She nodded and did as he asked.

Ed watched as Oliva retrieved a pair of his boxers from the bag she'd packed for him. Then she flitted around the room making sure the curtains were drawn, that his robe was at his side, and his phone within reach.

"Here's a fresh bottle of water," she said breathily. Then she pointed to the night stand. "Your pills are just there. Your phone and charger."

He nodded with a faint smile.

"I'll leave the door ajar, so I'll hear you if you need anything," she continued at breakneck speed. "But if I don't, just text me."

He gave her a slight nod.

"Noah's staying at Amanda's for the night, so…"

"Liv," he said, finally stopping her. "Relax. I'm okay."

"Right," she said. "You're okay."

"I am."

"We're all okay." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"We are." His was a bit stronger.

Again, she found herself drawn to his gaze. He was well medicated, but his eyes looked clear. Determined.

The buzz of Olivia's phone broke the moment. She quickly retrieved the device from her pocket.

Rollins.

"I've got to take this," she said and hurried from the room, grateful for the distraction.

He watched her go, and the only thing he could think was that he wanted her to stay.

Ed could tell that she'd been affected by him as much as he'd been by her. What he didn't know was if she'd let herself go there again. If he would.

He knew from his standpoint that he wouldn't be able to bear losing her again. He also knew, that if there was even a sliver of a chance that it could work, for real this time, that he would take it.

For now, he'd have to be content just to be under the same roof.


	23. Chapter 23

a/n: This is kinda long, and super fluffy (for me). So...I hope you like it.

* * *

Olivia tossed and turned on Noah's little twin bed. It was more comfortable than the couch where she'd be relegated after tonight when Noah returned from his stay with Amanda. Truth be told, it wasn't the bed or her surroundings that were keeping her awake.

It was him.

The irony wasn't lost on her that Ed Tucker was sleeping soundly in her bed while she fretted over his very presence. He'd slept off and on throughout the afternoon, and she'd eventually convinced him to eat some dinner. She knew the medicine and disruption to his system killed his appetite, but he needed to get his strength back.

The doctor had suggested some protein shakes to supplement between meals if he wasn't hungry at first. She managed to get him to drink a chocolate one for dessert after eating some soup and a grilled cheese from the deli down the street.

He'd been restless all evening. Olivia knew it was hard for him to be stuck on bed rest and dependent on her for every little thing, but she reminded him that each day he'd get a little stronger.

At 10:30, he'd finally asked for another dose of pain medicine. She wasn't sure if it had been due to pain or the fact that it would make him sleepy and put him out of his misery.

Still, it wasn't the history of the day that was keeping her awake. Their exchange after his shower had rattled her. The emotional turmoil of the investigation and then the shooting had cracked her armor and it seemed that he was finding his way back to her heart whether or not she wanted him to.

When he'd held on to her earlier, she'd told herself that it was for his benefit. That he needed reassurance. That he was heavily medicated. That she didn't need the comfort of his embrace.

"Shit." She muttered to herself. She needed to sleep. Amanda was bringing Noah home on her way to the precinct. They both couldn't miss another day of work. Amanda was being incredibly flexible and helpful, and Olivia didn't want to take advantage. She'd decided to keep Noah out of school since it was just Friday and he'd normally only have a half day anyway.

At least Fin was in good hands at his son's. His recovery would likely take a little longer than Ed's, but he expected to be back on desk duty in four to six weeks.

Her mind raced with all of those thoughts, and her body protested the cramped quarters. Eventually, she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Ed checked the time on his phone for a third time. 2:30am.

He'd slept too long this afternoon. He'd never been one to sleep during the day because it usually meant he'd be awake all night. Not that he could help it at the moment. His body needed the rest. He knew that even though he didn't like it.

His side ached signaling he was due for another dose. He didn't feel like messing with it. Olivia had made sure to leave everything in close reach, but it was still an ordeal. It was hard for him to get to enough of an upright position to wash the pills down without spilling water down his chin. He felt almost helpless which didn't help his mood.

After shifting around uncomfortably for another half hour, he finally gave in and took a couple more pills. He was just about to doze off when he heard a loud bang from down the hall.

Ed was suddenly alert. He quickly pushed himself half up on one elbow and stilled, listening for anymore commotion.

Silence.

He hesitated for a minute. Olivia had left the door slightly open. He heard some rustling around and her distinct groan.

Now, he was worried. He cursed his body as he tried to roll himself half off the side of the bed to get his feet on the floor.

He moved as quickly as his stitched up side would allow, but it wasn't fast enough for his liking. If something was wrong, he needed to move. At least the oxy had time to kick in, so he wasn't in as much pain as he could have been.

Ed finally got to his feet and stumbled toward the door. He carefully made his way down the darkened hallway and scanned the living room for any sign of trouble.

It was dark and quiet. He stopped and looked toward Noah's room. Had Olivia said something about sleeping in there tonight? He knew Noah wouldn't be back until morning, so that must be where she was.

He listened again in the stillness of the night for any sign of movement or trouble.

Silence.

He hesitated for a minute, but then he heard Olivia moan.

"Liv?" His voice was barely above a whisper. There was little chance she could have heard him.

Clad in only his boxers, he shivered as he crept closer to the room. It was dark, and the door was half closed.

Ed moved slowly and braced himself on the doorframe.

"Liv," he called again.

"Ed?" Olivia's voice was full of sleep at first, but she suddenly switched gears. "Is everything okay?"

He saw her dark form sit up on the small bed.

"I heard something," he said still whispering though he didn't know why. "Sounded like something fell?"

She didn't respond, but he heard her sigh.

He didn't know what was wrong, but she seemed annoyed and definitely not in any danger. "Olivia?"

"I fell out of the bed," she said.

"You what?" He wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly.

"I couldn't get comfortable," she said, embarrassment evident. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"S'okay," he said hoping the darkness hid his amusement. "I'm just glad you're okay."

It was only then that Olivia noticed his breathing was a bit labored. For the first time since he'd shown up at the door, it dawned on her that he'd gotten himself out of bed and down the hall.

She'd been so wrapped up in her own frustration and mortification, that she'd momentarily forgotten his condition. She jumped out of bed and hurried to his side.

"Jeez, Ed," she said when she neared. "How'd you get yourself over here so fast? You must be in pain."

"I'll live," he said, but he didn't refuse her support as she slipped her arm around his waist.

"Let's get you back in bed," she said and started to move in that direction. She tried not to think of what he'd put himself through just to make sure she was okay.

When they got back to her bedroom, she helped him get situated and somehow managed to avoid eye contact the whole time.

"Good?" She asked finally looking at him.

"I'm fine," he said. He wasn't sure what he saw in her expression. There was almost a shyness. It reminded him of the early days of their budding friendship and then full-blown relationship. There was also a hint of appreciation.

"Well, I guess it's goodnight, again." She turned to leave.

He wanted to tell her that he was always going to care about her well-being. That he'd always be willing to move heaven and earth for her. That some stitches in his side wouldn't stop him, but he couldn't bring himself to speak the words. "Goodnight," was all he could manage.

* * *

Ed blinked his eyes open. The room was bathed in the soft light of early morning. He guessed it was around seven in the morning and hadn't expected to wake up so early, especially after the chaos of the night before.

Then he heard it.

Noah. He was obviously trying to be quiet, but his 'whisper' was loud.

He'd briefly forgotten that Noah was going to be home today. He figured Olivia would welcome the buffer, but he was also looking forward to seeing the little guy. Hopefully, it would ease some of the tension between him and Olivia if they had a five-year-old to distract them.

He heard Olivia shush Noah and try to get him settled in for breakfast. He wanted to get up and join them.

Ed took an assessment of his body. He shifted around in the bed, testing his comfort. He was stiff from laying in the same position on his back for so long, but he felt stronger than he had since the shooting.

He decided to try the same maneuver he'd used last night to roll himself to his side so he could get his feet on the floor. It worked. As long as he kept his movements slow and deliberate, he was definitely more mobile today.

Once he was on his feet, he looked around for some kind of clothes. He wanted to grab a t-shirt and some sweats, but he figured that would be a little difficult to manage by himself. He opted for the blue hoodie that he'd worn home from the hospital. It seemed doable.

Once he had it zipped halfway, he grabbed his phone and put it in his pocket. Then he picked up the pill bottle. He was okay for the moment, but the ache was starting to grow. He hadn't been upright for more than the car ride from the hospital, so he guessed that by the time he made it through breakfast, he'd probably be hurting.

He carefully made his way out of the bedroom toward the kitchen. Before he was in sight, he stopped at the sound of his name.

"Okay," Noah responded to whatever Olivia must have said to him. "After I eat my cereal, then I see Tuck?"

"We'll see," she answered softly. "He's still recovering, so he needs lots and lots of rest."

"Did you rub his tummy?" Noah asked innocently.

Olivia almost spit out her coffee. Of course, the last time Noah was sick, it was with a stomach bug. She'd cuddled up with him and let him sip ginger ale while she soothed his upset tummy.

Ed couldn't stifle his chuckle, so he outed himself and stepped into view.

"I've got a big band-aid on my tummy," he said as he braced himself against the counter next to Noah.

"Tuck!" Noah said. He tried to lean from his stool to grab Ed's neck, but Olivia snatched him around the waist, stopping his lunge.

"Noah," she lightly scolded. "Remember what Mommy said. Ed's got a big boo boo, so he can't handle any rough housing right now."

"Sorry, Mommy," Noah said. Then he looked at Ed with big innocent eyes. "You okay, Tuck?"

"I'm okay," Ed answered. "Just need a few more days to rest up."

"You stay here?" Noah asked.

"Just until he's feeling better." After Ed's recent stay, Olivia didn't want to get Noah's hopes up.

Noah looked at her, then at Ed. Seemingly satisfied, he went back to eating his cereal.

Ed eased himself onto the barstool next to Noah. Olivia noticed his grimace at the movement.

"You need your pills?" She let go of Noah and looked toward the bedroom.

"Got 'em." He patted the pocket on his hoodie. "Just need some food in my stomach first."

Ed looked at the cereal box on the counter and frowned. It looked like some healthy version of fruit loops and not at all appealing.

"I've got some eggs," she said with a small smile. She knew he hated kids' cereal.

"I don't want you to go to any trouble." He was sincere. It was enough of an imposition just to be there, and he didn't want her waiting on him any more than was absolutely necessary.

"You've gotta eat." She rolled her eyes. "And it's no trouble."

He shrugged. She was already pulling out a pan.

"I have eggs, too." Noah was suddenly interested in their conversation.

"You just had cereal," Olivia said. Then she looked at Ed. "Scrambled okay?"

"But I'm still hungry." Noah whined.

She eyed her son. He had been eating more lately, must be a growth spurt. She grabbed another egg and cracked it in the bowl.

"Cheesy eggs?" Noah hinted.

"That sounds good," Ed added.

"You're pushing it, you two."

Noah giggled because he knew his mom's fake scold better than anyone.

"Toast?" She asked Ed.

"Sure."

In less than 10 minutes, she had Ed's breakfast ready, complete with orange juice and coffee, and Noah was happily chomping away on his own little plate of cheesy eggs. She noticed him watching Ed closely, trying to mimic his mannerisms, and her heart cracked a little more.

Ed noticed her reflective gaze and decided to snap her out of it.

"No more falling off the bed, I take it."

Olivia looked up to see a playful smile on his face.

"You falled off the bed?" Noah asked with a mouth full of eggs.

"No talking with food in your mouth," she warned, then she shot Ed a look.

Noah swallowed with one gulp. "Okay."

"I slept fine the rest of the night," she told Ed with a slight hint of annoyance.

"What happened anyway?" He continued, unable to resist needling her a bit more. She was beautiful when she was flustered.

"I'm not even sure," she said with a sigh. "I couldn't get comfortable. I guess in my half-conscious state, I forgot I was in Noah's bed."

"You sleeped in my bed and you falled on the floor?" Noah was completely confused.

"Just last night," Olivia explained.

"Why you not sleep in your bed?"

Olivia glared at Ed, who just huffed a laugh. "Sorry."

She shook her head and went to refill her coffee.

"Mommy, why you sleep in my bed?" Noah persisted. "You say we have to sleep in our own beds because I a big boy."

Olivia took a deep breath. Ed popped one of his pills and tried to look apologetic.

She managed to explain to Noah that Ed was hurt and needed to sleep by himself so he could get better. Noah decided that made sense and thankfully didn't ask any more questions.

* * *

The afternoon found them lounging in the living room watching movies with Noah buzzing around.

Ed was decked out on the couch, while Noah played on the floor. Olivia sat in the chair off to the side when she wasn't helping Noah or dallying in the kitchen.

"Tuck!" Noah suddenly shouted. "I need to show you my 'quarium project'."

"What's that, No?" Ed asked, genuinely interested.

"Ed needs to rest," Olivia piped in.

"Mommy, I wanna show him my 'quarium," Noah whined.

"It's okay," Ed said quietly for Liv's benefit.

Olivia grabbed her tablet and pulled up the school's app. "They have a class aquarium." She sat on the arm of the couch and held the tablet in front of him.

Ed let Noah burrow into his good side.

"See the little rocks on the bottom," Noah said punching the screen. "I maked those."

"His class got to paint the rocks," Olivia explained.

"Wow, Noah," Ed said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. "You did a great job."

"Hey, No," Olivia called. "It's getting late. We should get you in the bath."

"Can Tuck give me the bath?"

"Not tonight, pal," Ed said.

"He's still got boo boos," Olivia clarified.

"Can Tuck read me stories?" Noah bargained.

"Noah," Olivia cautioned.

"I can read you one story," Ed interjected. "If that's okay with your mom?"

Noah looked at Olivia with hope in his eyes. As if she'd deny either of them.

"Of course," she breathed.

"Okay, bath time!" Noah yelled, running toward the bathroom.

* * *

They ended the evening with Ed reading not one, but three bedtime stories.

"Tuck," Noah called as Olivia helped Ed out of the room.

"Yeah, No?"

"I like when you here," Noah said.

"Me to, pal," Ed answered without question.

"Tuck?" Noah continued.

Olivia nudged Ed's side.

"Hmm?" Ed answered but he looked to Olivia for guidance in his response.

"You read me stories t'morrow, too?"

Ed looked at Olivia. She couldn't resist her son, so she nodded,

"Of course, buddy," Ed said.

"Say goodnight, Noah," Olivia coached.

"G'night Tuck," Noah said. "Night, Mommy."

"Night, No," Ed said in unison with her.


	24. Chapter 24

a/n: I'm trying to get us there. Sometimes these characters are a little stubborn along the way ;)

* * *

Ed shifted his position on the couch ever so slightly. He was again feeling restless after another day of little mobility.

"You okay?" Olivia asked as she breezed back into the living room after tucking Noah in for the night.

"Just feeling cooped up," he answered. "I think I might go for a shower if you don't mind helping me get wrapped up again?"

"Sure," she said, though she stiffened a little. She couldn't say she minded. That was the whole point of him being here, so someone could help him with these kinds of things. It didn't make it easier.

He started to unzip his hoodie.

"Let's at least get you into the bathroom before you start to strip." She didn't know why it suddenly mattered to her. Maybe because having to help a shirtless Ed to the back of the apartment for the second time in 24 hours didn't seem fair.

He flashed a smirk but didn't seem nearly as affected as she felt. Olivia shook it off and went to help him get up.

Once they made it to her bathroom, he shrugged off the sweatshirt while she organized the wrap and a towel on the counter. The sleeve of his shirt caught on the brace on his wrist, so he fumbled with the Velcro for a minute while she avoided looking at him and kept organizing supplies for after the shower.

"You know," he said with a mischievous grin. "It'd probably be easier if you just climbed in there with me."

"Ed." She pressed a length of plastic wrap against his side and went to work fixing it around his abdomen.

He was suddenly worried because her voice didn't carry the expected mock warning. If he was reading her right, he'd say her expression was almost pained.

"Liv, I'm sorry if I crossed a line." He said tilting his head to try to catch her eye. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"I know you didn't," she said softly. That's what hurt. Being so close. Having to constantly touch him and help him, but not being able to really touch him. That's what was slowly chipping away at the walls around her heart that she thought were solid.

She couldn't figure out how he could be so light about their situation. Why didn't this bother him more? Couldn't he show a little discomfort, a little longing for another time?

Ed's hands on hers shocked her out of her thought spiral. She finally looked at him.

"I think that's enough," he said.

It took her a couple seconds to realize she'd probably put about six layers of the wrap when he only needed a couple. It would serve the same purpose.

She pulled her hands from his and stepped back.

"Towel." She pointed to the counter. "I'll come help you get that off when you're done."

"Olivia."

She didn't stop her exit at his call. Instead, she left a bewildered Ed standing half naked in her bathroom.

Ed turned on the water and carefully eased his boxers over his hips letting them fall to the floor so he could step out of them. He climbed into the shower and tried to figure out what went wrong.

She seemed fine all day. Now, she practically ran from the room.

He kicked himself for his sophomoric attempt at humor. That's clearly when she'd begun her retreat. He couldn't understand why. Olivia was no prude. They used to joke and tease each other way more suggestively, and she usually gave better than she got.

It was one of the things he loved about her, about them. He got to see this naughty little side of her that no one else knew existed. It was only for him.

It had been only for him.

"Stupid, Ed, Stupid." He muttered to himself as he made quick work of his shower. At least as quick as he could with his limited mobility.

* * *

In the kitchen, Olivia poured herself a glass of wine. She leaned back against the counter and took a long sip. Maybe her favorite red would soften the edges.

She knew Ed wouldn't be long. He was looking better today in terms of his coloring, but she could tell that too much time in his feet still wore him out.

Her mind drifted to him. In her shower. Water cascading down his body. She could hear the occasional extra splats of water. She could picture him running his hand over his face, slinging suds.

She felt kind of bad about the way she'd reacted minutes ago, but he hit a raw nerve that she hadn't realized was so exposed. Now, a sad smile crossed her face. There'd been plenty of times when she had joined him. They rarely made for productive showers.

Olivia felt her skin flush at the thought.

"Get a grip," She chastised herself and took another large sip of her wine. She looked at the nearly empty glass. It probably wasn't the best idea to add alcohol to her current emotional state.

She heard the water shut off and drained the glass. She had no idea how Ed managed to get into his boxers last night since he couldn't bend that far. She said a silent prayer that he could at least manage that again.

She refilled her glass and took another drink. She was going to murder Rita. This was all her fault. She could focus on that instead of Ed. Looking back, Olivia couldn't believe she'd let Rita talk them into this. She couldn't believe Ed had gone for it. That she had. It was ridiculous.

The bathroom door opened presumably signaling that Ed was ready for her help. One more hit of wine, then she pushed herself off the counter and sat the glass next to the bottle.

"It's just Ed," she told herself. "It's no big deal. It doesn't mean anything, especially not to him."

She heard something clang against the bathroom cabinets and picked up the pace. She got to the bathroom just in time to see Ed staring at the floor and trying to bend down.

"I'll get it," she said quickly.

"Dropped my damn razor," he said.

It was only then she noticed that he had shaving cream on his face. She scanned the bathmat around his feet and found the razor.

He made sure to brush his finger against her palm when he took it from her. Then he turned back to the mirror and got to task. He hadn't missed her shiver at his touch.

Olivia kept up a stoic front. She dug around in the drawer to Ed's left to find a pair of scissors. She'd already sat out everything else she needed before he got into the shower.

He finished shaving, and she handed him a washcloth. She remembered the early days of him staying over. He'd cup his hands and splash some water on his face. He was neat, so he always dried the counter, but it left her hand towels soaking wet. At some point, she'd managed to get him to use a washcloth and avoid the mess.

Ed didn't show any reaction as he took the cloth from her to clean the remnants of shaving cream from his face. When he finished, he tightened the towel at his waist.

"Okay, let's get this off," he said motioning to the wrap. "It's really hot."

Olivia didn't waste any time. She did make a point to turn him so she was cutting it from the back which served two purposes. First, it was easier to deal with the flat of his back. Second, she didn't have to face him.

She still had to touch him. She still had to deal with the flex of his shoulders and back. She still had to resist the urge to wrap her arms around him and rest her head at the base of his neck. She wondered if he'd fold his arms over hers like he used to.

"How's the one back there look?" He interrupted her thoughts.

"Definitely needs some new gauze, but seems to be healing nicely."

"Thought so," he said simply. "It's starting to itch a little."

"You want me to put something on it before I cover it back up?"

"Sure," he said. "What do ya got?"

"Some ointment?" What did he expect? Fairy dust?

"No fairy dust?" He quipped.

Her eyes snapped up to meet his in the mirror. Had she said that out loud?

He winked. The bastard actually winked at her.

She rolled her eyes, but she gently spread the ointment around the edges of the stitches on his back. Then she carefully covered it with a fresh bandage.

She hurried through the front bandage. It just needed to be replaced. It was larger with more stitches, so it'd probably still be a couple days before it needed any more attention.

"Can you help me into a t-shirt?" He asked as they headed from the bathroom to the bedroom.

"Of course," she said walking over to his duffle and digging until she found a faded blue-grey t-shirt. She grabbed a fresh pair of boxers and some sweat pants, too. She shook her head as she met him near the bed.

Ed watched as she tossed everything but the t-shirt on the bed next to him. Then she bunched up the shirt and held it up. He ducked his head to let her put it on. They worked together to get his arms in, and she pulled it down over his torso.

She absentmindedly patted him on the chest.

He wrapped his fingers around hers before she could withdraw. "You're not gonna help me with the rest?"

 _ **tbc**_


	25. Chapter 25

a/n: It's a short one, but raised the rating, so that should count for something… Enjoy ;)

* * *

Ed groaned.

Olivia's hands on his body had always generated a heat he could barely withstand. Her hands on his body when he was in no shape to fully respond was damn near unbearable.

He'd swear there was a current following her fingers as they skimmed his chest and shoulders.

He didn't remember when she'd gotten his shirt back off. He was, however, very aware that he was clad in only a towel, and the once tight knot at his hip was loosening with every move they made.

His body hummed. He was consumed with his own desire. There was only one problem.

She wasn't kissing him.

That was his current frustration.

He could feel her hands, but he wanted her mouth on his. He groped in the darkness trying to find her face.

The stitches on his side protested as he bent his body. The moan that escaped his lips that time was one of pain not pleasure.

"Ed," Olivia called, her hand suddenly on his cheek. He felt the bed dip as she pressed in next to him. "Ed, look at me. Are you okay?"

"Fine," he mumbled straightening a bit to ease the strain. Then he reached for her hand on his face. He dragged her hand over the newly forming stubble on his neck and on to his chest.

"Ed," she repeated more firmly. "Let go of my hand, and look at me."

He let go at her request and opened his eyes. Instead of seeing her face, his eyes first fell on the hint of cleavage that was visible with her wide V-neck t-shirt. He reached out and trailed the fingers of his still braced left hand up her ribcage before tracing the swell of her breast.

He heard her sharp intake of breath and took it as a sign to continue. He cursed the limitations that the brace imposed, but he didn't stop his ministrations.

"Shit," she breathed as her nipple hardened at his touch.

He desperately wanted to replace his fingers with his mouth, but his body wouldn't allow him to raise up. He decided to try a different tactic.

He dragged his other hand down toward her hip to try and pull her closer, but she was at an odd angle. His hand ended up on her leg just above her knee. He pressed his fingers into her inner thigh before he pushed his hand higher. She was still wearing her leggings. That had to change. He dragged his hand higher, nearly brushing her core as he tried to find the waistband.

"Ed!"

He stilled immediately. She sounded ragged, distressed.

"Liv." He blinked hard and tried to focus on her face, so he could figure out what was wrong.

Her breaths were short and sharp. Her face was flushed. That was normal given their current entanglement. What concerned him was her eyes. She looked equally pissed and panicked.

"Ed," she repeated, softer this time, but still on edge.

He saw her take a few calming breaths. He realized that his hands were still on her, and she wasn't happy about that. He immediately withdrew.

"What just happened," he said. "I thought…"

Before he could continue, she held up a hand to stop him. "You were dreaming?" It was as much a question as it was a statement

"I…what?" His stomach dropped. There was no way what he'd just experienced was a dream. He could still feel her body under his hands. "No."

She swallowed forcefully enough that he heard it. He looked up at her. Her neck still showed the blush from his touch. She obviously wasn't wearing a bra, and the effects of his touch were evident there as well.

It finally hit him. His mind was dreaming, but his hands had actually been on her. He had no idea what precipitated whatever had just happened or how much was a dream vs. reality, but he definitely had some damage control to do.

"Shit, Liv, I'm so sorry." He rushed his words trying to say what he wanted before she could stop him. "I didn't realize I was dreaming. I didn't realize what was real. I swear."

"Okay, okay," she said. She knew that had to be it. She'd only come in to check on him because she'd heard him groan more than once. She was afraid something was wrong. As soon as he'd heard her voice and sensed her presence, it had all changed. "Probably all the medicine."

"Liv," he said. He didn't want to just pass it off like that. He had been dreaming. The oxy probably did have something to do with it. But awake or asleep, drugged or sober, he wanted her. He'd never stopped wanting her.

"It's late," she said, already preparing an exit. She was embarrassed by her body's reaction to him. At least he had the excuse of medication and unconsciousness.

"It's never too late," he countered.

"Ed." She shivered.

He watched as she pulled back a little more and wrapped her arms around herself. It pained him to see her retreat from him, but he was convinced it was due to an ill-informed attempt at self-protection, not because she actually wanted him to go away.

"You know what I want more than anything?" He asked.

She looked up at him with wary eyes.

"For you to just lay here with me." His voice was gravelly and tight. He wasn't sure why he'd even said that. It was true, but voicing it made him suddenly desperate for her to agree. He felt almost pathetic.

She studied him in the soft lamplight of the room. He watched the doubt play across her face. He was about to launch into another attempt when he saw the unwavering answer settle into her features.

"Okay."


	26. Chapter 26

a/n: the last one was kinda short and cruel. To make up for it, here's a bit longer, and no dream fake outs :)

* * *

Ed found her in the kitchen.

Olivia was taking care to be extra quiet since it was barely 6am. Noah wouldn't be up for at least half an hour, maybe longer.

He gave himself a proverbial pat on the back for his earlier performance. He'd known the minute she'd woken up. He'd felt her stiffen next to him. He knew her well enough to let her think she'd gotten away without detection.

He also knew that he'd almost fucked it all up by groping her in his half-dream, half-drugged state. That's why it had surprised him all the more when she'd agreed to share the bed for the night.

He'd been floored. Then, as soon as she'd said okay, she'd excused herself to the bathroom. He'd honestly believed that when she came out, she'd make an excuse to sleep in the living room. Every minute that ticked by, he'd grown more and more certain that's what was working up the nerve to do. After a long ten minutes, she'd returned.

She'd wordlessly helped him into some boxers, being ever so careful to avoid seeing or touching him too intimately. He'd wisely remained mute throughout the process, afraid that if he said anything or made any sudden movement she'd startle like a deer in headlights and retreat again.

He had not been surprised that when she finally climbed into the bed next to him and left enough space for the proverbial elephant that was still in the room between them.

He'd slept okay for the most part, but every time she moved, he woke, scared she was leaving. Each time, he'd slowly relaxed when he realized she was just moving in her sleep.

By morning she'd been pressed against his good side. He hadn't had the courage to move and get his arm around her. Instead, she slept with her cheek on his shoulder pinning his arm against his body. Even in her slumber, she'd managed to somehow be cognizant of his injuries and where to avoid. That meant she was in what must have been a slightly uncomfortable position.

That's probably why she woke early, physical and emotional discomfort. It was obviously the latter that worried him most. When she'd left, he'd assumed she was going back out to the couch to catch another hour of sleep, but then he'd heard the faint sounds of her in the kitchen.

His body was stiff, but he was becoming more and more mobile each day. So he pulled himself out of bed, slowly, and quietly padded toward the kitchen.

* * *

Now, he stood, just a few steps out of her line of sight while she puttered around the kitchen. The soft glow of the microwave surface light was the only illumination. He loved morning, slightly bedhead Olivia, in any light.

Ed was dressed in blue plaid boxers and his matching blue t-shirt. He'd forgone the hoodie, because he was a little warm, but more so because he knew this was one of her favorite t-shirts. She'd always said she liked it because it brought out his eyes and was soft. He'd had always liked the shirt because it was comfortable and it fit. But there was something about Olivia Benson telling you she liked something you wore that made you want to never wear anything else.

The fact that she'd packed it for him only made him more certain that he was right in his understanding of her conflicted reactions to him over the past few days. Last night could have been a major setback. He hated to ever be the cause for the look he saw in her eyes for a brief moment when he'd first woken from his dream.

He'd been put at ease when she finally came to get into bed. As he thought back to the last couple days, he realized that her panic was likely less about any perceived threat and more about what it meant for them.

That was fair. He'd spent much of that time and effort trying to keep some semblance of boundaries, for both of their sakes.

That was over. Boundaries be damned.

Olivia obviously wasn't going to make the first conciliation. Being the one to take the first step gave the other the power to crush. If he bucked up and took the risk, it gave her the control. At first that was Ed's worst fear, but now he realized that it didn't matter. She already owned him, heart and soul. Maybe him admitting it was what she needed to hear.

"I can practically hear you thinking over there." Olivia's voice was still a bit low and full of sleep, but it dragged him from his thoughts. She turned. "You gonna join me or keeping staring?"

He blushed at being caught, but it was due to the thoughts in his head more so than being caught watching her. He stopped at the barstools and slid onto one, needing to get off his feet.

"Coffee's on," she said. "Want some juice or water? You need your pills?"

He could feel a shift in her. It was subtle, but she was more present and maybe even a little less walled off than he'd seen her in months.

"You got any grapefruit juice?" He asked, patting his chest for the meds in his pocket. Then he realized his mistake in leaving the hoodie, he'd left himself pocket-less and therefore medicine-less.

Olivia made a face at "grapefruit juice," but then she turned toward the fridge and grabbed a small, unopened liter of juice.

His eyes lit up when he saw the container. It was his favorite brand. Ed knew she hated grapefruit juice and had only kept it in the house when he'd been around, so he was surprised she had any, much less the kind that she'd once scoffed at as "the five dollar bottle of yuck."

She saw his reaction."I bought it when I went to pack your things." She twisted off the cap and set it next to him before getting a small glass from the cabinet behind her.

He was oddly overcome by her simple gesture to ensure his comfort, but it grew his confidence, incrementally. "Thanks," was all he could manage to say. That was what she did to him.

Fortunately, he didn't have to come up with anything more. She left him to pour his juice in silence as she headed back to the bedroom to get his meds.

He half expected her to wake Noah just to avoid being alone with him, so he was relieved when she appeared within seconds and set the prescription bottle on the counter in front of him.

"Thanks," he said again. He saw the flex of her jaw as she walked past him. He felt a flash of doubt, but he pushed it down. He'd be foolish to think any of this would be simple, but he'd be even more of a fool not to try.

"I'm sorry," she said out of the blue, while busying herself with getting a couple mugs from the cabinet along with some milk and sugar. Neither of them even used sugar in their coffee, but she seemed to need the distraction. "I hope I didn't bother… I hope I didn't keep you awake last night."

"Olivia," he said, doing his best to keep his voice neutral. "You could never bother me."

She stilled at the opposite counter. Her back was to him, which was unnerving. He needed to see her face to make sure he was doing the right thing by pushing this.

"I meant what I said," he continued anyway. "You, next to me. That's all I want. Asleep or awake."

Ed could see her shoulders creep up with tension, and he cursed his body for not allowing him to jump up from his seat and go to her. Instead, he eased off the barstool, unable to prevent the sound of the small exertion from escaping his throat.

Hearing his grunt, Olivia turned.

"Ed." She instinctively stepped toward him to offer assistance. "Your stitches."

"I don't care about the stitches." He was slow, but determined, as he closed the distance between them.

"Ed." It was becoming a mantra, half protest, half pleading. She stepped back.

He took another step. She backed into the counter.

"Olivia." He took another two steps, putting him within range, but not too imposing. She could still easily sidestep him if she wanted.

She remained rooted to the spot, studying him.

Ed set aside all reservations and moved fully into her space. He wasn't touching her, but he was close enough that their body heat mingled.

She looked down and leaned away from him, gripping the counter on either side of her hips.

"Olivia." He started to reach for her and almost second guessed himself. When he noticed that she was holding her breath in anticipation, he reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, lightly brushing her cheek with his thumb.

"What do you want?" Her voice was tight.

"It used to be so easy for us," Ed said ruefully. He let his hand fall to her shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.

She slowly breathed out through pursed lips but otherwise didn't show any reaction.

He continued tracing a path down the back of her arm toward her elbow. The slight pressure of his fingertips coaxing her to let him in, but not just into her physical space. They both knew he was asking for everything.

"I think we could get back to a place that's even better than before."

"How?" She didn't budge.

"Trust me." His hand had almost reached hers, and he skimmed his fingers across her wrist causing her to inhale sharply.

"You know I do." She did. She hoped he knew that.

"Do you really?"

Her head remained mostly bowed, but she looked up just enough that he could see her frown at his question. She still hadn't let go of the countertop.

"Do you trust me completely?" Ed rubbed his thumb over her pinky.

"I know that I can."

"That's not the same thing," he began to worry that she would never fully let him in again.

"I know," Olivia said.

"Where does that leave us?" It was taking everything in him to keep a calm façade and not show his own panic that he might still lose this battle. No, it wasn't a battle was afraid of losing. Her. He was afraid of losing her.

"I don't know." She glanced in the direction of his hand on hers.

"Can you try?" He asked.

Deep breath. No response.

"I love you, Olivia," he said making his voice as soft and steady as possible. "And, I know you still love me."

"Ed." She tucked her head even further into her chest.

He leaned forward and rested his temple against hers his palm still lightly brushing the back of her hand.

"Tell me I'm not wrong about that?" Now, he was the one choking the words out.

She breathed deeply, almost causing her chest to bump his. He could feel the tension pouring off of her, and decided that maybe he needed to give her some space, let his words sink in. Let her process.

Ed was about to step back, when he felt Olivia shift.

He held still trying to anticipate her next move.

She didn't look at him. She didn't say a word.

Instead, she relaxed the tension in her arm and let her hand almost fall off the edge of the counter into his waiting grip. It was the simplest of gestures, but it was all he needed.

He squeezed her hand and wrapped his left arm around her shoulders pulling her toward him. This time she offered no resistance, and ever so slowly, he felt the tension leaving her body.

"I can't do this." She said. Her chin digging into his shoulder with each word.

He started to launch into a counter argument, but she sank into him even more giving him pause. Her body was sending completely opposite signals from her words. "Liv." He wasn't sure what to say to convince her.

"I can't do this," she repeated, turning her face into his neck. "Unless, I know it's gonna work this time."

He nodded against her hair, and finally let go of her hand. With both arms, he pulled her as close as he could get her.

"It'll be okay," Ed said. "Just trust me."

Olivia's feet bumped against his as she fully returned his embrace. Her heart beat fast against his chest. And once again, she righted his world with a single word.

"Okay."


	27. Chapter 27

Ed and Olivia stood in a tight embrace for endless minutes. Neither wanted to move for fear of breaking the spell. The early morning sunlight was just making its way through the skyline of her neighborhood and spilling through the kitchen window.

Ed didn't want to admit it, but the time on his feet was taking its toll He tried to be as indiscreet as possible when he shifted his weight to hopefully ease the growing tension in his side, but of course Olivia noticed.

"You okay," she whispered into his neck.

"Mmm," he replied, but his body sank into hers a little more.

"Ed," she said rubbing his back. "Let's get you off your feet."

He reluctantly loosened his hold. To his relief, Olivia didn't fully break contact. Instead, she shifted to his side, then walked with him back to the barstool.

As he leaned back onto the welcomed seat, Ed grabbed both of her hands, not willing to let go, even for a few seconds. She followed him move for move, staying close.

His knees bumped the outside of her thighs as she stepped between his legs and let him continue to pull her closer. Truth be told, he needed to be more reclined, but getting off his feet helped enough to buy them a little more time.

Olivia watched as Ed pulled her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles. Her mind was reeling, but she refused to indulge it. Instead she chose to focus on the man in front her. The man who'd once done everything in his power to show her he loved her. The man she'd never stopped loving, even when she foolishly sent him away.

"I don't want to mess this up, again," she repeated her earlier confession.

Ed tilted his head and studied her face before finally letting go of her hands. He ran his hands up her arms to her elbows, pulling her even closer. She slid her arms around his waist, and let herself relax into his body once again.

"Liv, you didn't mess up anything."

She leaned her head back but kept as much body contact as she could. Then she cocked an eyebrow at him. She'd certainly been the one to mess up everything. She'd pulled away just when he started to indicated he was in it for the long haul. She'd shut him out. She'd told him to go.

"I left because I thought it's what you needed," Ed said as though reading her thoughts. "By the time we'd gotten to that point, I'd already failed us. I failed you."

"Ed," she admonished, though she was curious what he meant by that. "We both made mistakes."

"Okay." Ed gave a sideways nod indicating he'd momentarily accept her insistence on sharing the blame, but that he didn't really believe it. He ran his hands up the back of her arms from her elbows to her shoulders and locked his arms around her, drawing her back into him.

Olivia let him. It was clear that neither wanted to push an issue that might derail them before they were back on solid ground.

This time, she didn't bury her face in his neck. Instead, she lightly brushed her cheek against his.

Ed slipped his right arm from under hers and reached up to cup her cheek, his movements causing her to lean back so she could see his face.

Olivia's eyes danced back and forth between his in anticipation. He studied her features as he traced his thumb over her cheekbone.

"God, I've missed you." Ed's voice was raw. His left hand on the small of her back kept her firmly against him.

"Me, too," she mumbled. Her eyes now flitted between his eyes and his lips.

Ed briefly closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. When he opened them, he saw Olivia subconsciously licking her bottom lip, and he swallowed a groan.

"Liv?" He didn't want to push her, but he needed her lips on his more than he needed his next breath.

She didn't say a word, but she licked her lips again.

He drew in a slow breath and leaned ever closer. He watched her right up until he brushed his lips against hers. At that moment, he couldn't help but close his eyes in relief at the contact.

"Ed," she mumbled against his lips just before his mouth fully covered hers. Her racing thoughts suddenly ceased. All she could register was the taste of him, Ed, coffee and fucking grapefruit juice.

At first, his kiss was light, almost tentative, but his hold on her was steady.

Ed slid to the edge of the barstool so he could haul her all the way into his body. At the same time, his mouth demanded more.

Olivia gasped when she felt him nip at her bottom lip. She wasn't surprised when he used the opportunity to slide his tongue against hers. What took her breath away was his ferocity. The gentleness of mere seconds ago suddenly gave way to a hunger that she'd once tried to will herself to forget.

She could feel her body starting to respond to his and knew they needed to slow things down.

As if sensing her thoughts, Ed eased up. After several small pecks to her lips, he finally pulled away.

"Did I tell you how much I've missed you?" His eyes were still blazing with the heat of their kiss and his neck and chest had taken on a ruddy hue.

"You might have mentioned it," she quipped with a light tone, but her ragged breaths and the matching blush on her skin betrayed the fact that she was just as affected as he was.

His only response was a smirk.

"Where do we go from here?" She asked, ever practical.

"Forward." He shrugged.

She furrowed her brow.

"Liv, it doesn't have to be complicated." His tone was even, but internally, he was pleading. "We just have to choose to move forward, together, every single day. That's all I'm asking."

She nodded, still not sure what to say.

The shrill ring of her cell phone saved her from having to find words.

Ed loosened his hold on her, so she could get to her phone. Then he slumped forward against the counter trying to ease some of the tension in his side. He really needed to lie down for a few minutes, but he wasn't ready to admit it. He could manage a few more minutes.

Olivia's phone had been on the opposite side of the counter, so she was only a few feet away. He tried to give her some privacy and not pay too much attention to her conversation. He'd heard her say Carisi, so it was probably just work anyway.

When Olivia stilled near the edge of the counter, Ed noticed. He also noticed her sudden change in tone. His focused immediately on her and what she was saying, the pain in his body all but forgotten.

"Carisi, I'm not taking my son to a safe house," Olivia said.

Ed shifted and tried to make eye contact, but she shook her head and held up a finger. Whatever it was, anything involving a 'safe house' couldn't be good. He was immediately worried and taking inventory of their location and situation.

Carisi must have been laying out a plan, because all Ed heard for the next several seconds was an occasional 'hmm' or 'maybe' from Liv's side of the phone.

Finally, Olivia agreed to whatever Carisi must have said and hung up the phone. Ed watched he closely as she lowered the phone from her ear. Her entire body was on alert and the tension was evident.

"Liv?"

"There's been another threat," she said, but her mind was anywhere but on her words. Her eyes were scanning the room. Phone, keys, bag. She glanced toward her bedroom, gun. Then she turned and looked toward Noah's room and her face fell.

Ed saw her assessment and felt even more vigilant. He forced himself to find the strength to get up and go to her. When he reached her, he took her hands in his and leaned in close

"Whatever it is," he said. "Noah's going to be fine. We're not going to let anything happen to him."

"They pulled my jacket," she whispered, eyes wide and full of worry.

Ed squeezed her hands before letting go and pulling her into his chest once again. His mind was reeling with questions, but he knew that whatever it was, it was connected to him and his case. The guilt was almost a worse gut punch than his actual gunshot wound, but that didn't matter now. What mattered at this moment was ensuring their safety. Noah's safety. Liv's.

"It's going to be okay," he assured. "Just tell me the plan."

"We don't have much time," Olivia said. "They know where we live."

 _ **tbc**_


	28. Chapter 28

a/n: Sorry for the long wait, hopefully a longer update will make up for it.

* * *

Ed felt bad sitting idly on the sofa while Olivia hurried around the apartment packing a bag for her and Noah, while trying to rush Noah through his morning routine. She'd insisted that he sit, but after hearing her frustration at Noah's slow progress, he decided he could at least help with that.

He pushed himself up and made his way back to Noah's room. Thankfully, even though he'd halved his dose of Oxy, it was still doing the trick, and he was moving a little easier today.

"Morning, Noah," he said as he rounded the corner to the boy's room.

"Hi, Tuck," came the sleepy reply.

Noah was poking around in one of his dresser drawers, presumably looking for a shirt to go with the jeans already tossed onto his bed. Olivia had given him some quick instructions to pick out a shirt before while she presumably grabbed some extra clothes for their trip.

"What cha doing?" Ed hoped his return was still enough of a novelty that Noah wouldn't give him the same trouble he'd been giving Olivia.

"I have ta find a shirt," Noah said as though it was a tragedy.

Ed crossed the room and stood so he could look over Noah's shoulder. "How about that red one?"

"It has a scratchy neck," Noah said pushing the offending shirt to the side.

"Can I help?" Ed said leaning in and poking at the stack of t-shirts.

Noah shrugged and moved over to let Ed get closer.

"Hey, what about this Mets shirt?" Ed said grabbing a grey t-shirt that said Mets in big blue and orange letters. "We can match."

Noah looked up at Ed and frowned. "Your shirt's blue?"

"They're both Mets shirts." Ed pointed out. His was more of a vintage style and Noah's more classic, but he showed Noah the faded Mets logo on his chest.

"Okay," Noah said. "We match."

Ed huffed with relief. Then he turned to Noah's closet and found a blue hoodie. "Can you get some socks and shoes?"

Finally, waking up, Noah started to move faster. Within a few minutes he was fully dressed and Ed was helping him tie his shoes.

"You brushed your teeth?" Ed looked around the room to make sure everything was in order.

"Yep!" Noah hopped toward the door. "Now, breakfast!"

"We'll see," Ed said. "We may have to get something on the way."

"Noah, are you dressed yet?" Olivia called as she came out of her room with her rolling bag topped with Ed's duffle bag.

"Ta da!" Noah said jumping out in front of her in a goofy pose.

Olivia took one look and instantly knew he'd had help with both his clothes and his mood. "Thank you." She mouthed to Ed as she ushered them all toward the front door.

"You have to work," Noah asked Olivia with furrowed brows.

"No work," she answered. "I told you. We're going to see Uncle Sonny."

"But you wear the gun?" He pointed to the holster on her hip. Usually, the only time he saw it was when she had to go to work.

How was she supposed to explain that today she needed it for her own peace of mind? That she might need it to protect him.

"What do you want to do for breakfast?" Ed interrupted.

Giving him another grateful nod, she gave it a moment's thought. "How about Dunkin'?"

The promise of donuts was all the distraction and motivation Noah needed. He grabbed his backpack from Olivia and hurried to the door to get his jacket. She placed their breakfast order on the app and decided they could stop on the way to pick it up.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Noah happily chomped on his chocolate donut with rainbow sprinkles, while Ed took another sip of his coffee. Olivia had explained as much as she could in front of Noah, but that had been pretty limited. Her phone beeped with a text interrupting the silence. She handed it to Ed.

"Rollins," he said.

"What's she got?" Olivia tightened her grip on the steering wheel, and changed lanes. A quick glance in the rearview, and she saw their escort follow suit.

She hadn't wanted a detail, but Dodds insisted. They'd compromised with an unmarked sedan instead of a patrol car, and only to escort them to their new location. Part of Olivia did feel better with the extra measure of security as they made their way through the city traffic.

Ed held out the phone to her. It was locked, and he couldn't see the full message. She shocked him by just reminding him of the six-digit code that she obviously hadn't changed since they were together.

He tapped the screen and got to the text. He quickly scanned the message.

"They have plain clothes officers sitting on both of our apartments." Before Olivia could respond, he continued. "Fin's son took him to Amanda's, and Jesse is with Carisi's sister."

Ed stopped there because he knew Olivia would never agree to the next part.

"What else?" She knew he was leaving something out.

"She thinks you should send Noah with Jesse," he said.

Olivia shook her head.

"You want me to respond?"

"Thanks for the update," she said. "Noah stays with me."

Ed flashed a small grin as he typed out the message. He could have come up with that answer without her dictation, and it pleased him that their time apart hadn't changed that.

"Can you also text Carisi and let him know we're on our way?" She asked. "As long as bridge traffic isn't too bad, we should be there in about 15 minutes."

Ed felt a little strange swiping through her message app to find Carisi's name, but she didn't seem the least bit bothered by it. He sent the message, then held the phone out to her.

She took it and tucked it between her outer thigh and the lip of the seat. Before she could return to her double vice grip on the steering wheel, he reached over and took her hand.

Olivia didn't stop him from pulling their joined hands over to rest on his lap. He softly brushed his thumb back and forth across the inside of her wrist. It was a simple gesture, and she found it soothing.

They were headed to the home of a Queens SVU detective who was friends with Carisi. Olivia liked the idea of getting out of Manhattan, and no one would expect her to go to Queens with Ed and Noah in tow. She had no idea what Carisi had said to Dodds to get him not only to agree, but also to make the calls to the appropriate precincts and smooth the way.

"Mommy, I done," Noah called from the back. "And I sticky."

She looked in the rear view and saw him holding up chocolate covered hands with a chocolate sprinkle covered grin. Reluctantly, she pulled her hand from Ed's and reached for the glovebox.

"What cha need?" He asked, taking her hand back in one of his and popping the latch with the other. He immediately saw the small pack of wet wipes. He had no choice but to let go of her then. He opened the pack and handed one to Olivia.

"Better take two," she said snatching another one and passing both to Noah. "Get between your fingers and all over your face."

"Thanks," Noah said and followed her instructions.

"You're welcome." Olivia smiled at Noah's unprompted politeness.

"Here," Noah held the now chocolatey wipes out to her.

Checking the mirror again, she saw that he'd missed a couple of sprinkles stuck on his cheek, but it was good enough for now. "Just drop them on the floor by the door," she said.

"The floor?" Noah seemed confused. She'd never told him to do that before.

"Yeah, it's okay," she said. "I'll get them later."

Noah shrugged and did as she said.

Ed hadn't said a word through the exchange. He put the pack back in the glovebox and focused on the traffic. He tried to hide his surprise when she slipped her hand back into his, but he didn't hide the fact that he was pleased. He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle.

"You know your way around Queens better than most Manhattan cops," he said as she navigated through a quiet neighborhood.

"We're less than half a mile from Elliot's house," she said without emotion.

He had no idea how to react to that, so he gave her hand a little squeeze and kept quiet.

A few minutes later they slowed to a stop in front of a nice, but non-descript red brick house. The sedan stopped behind them. Olivia was hesitant to get out of the car. When she saw Carisi heading in their direction down the front steps of the house, she relaxed.

"No trouble?" He asked pulling open Ed's door and offering a hand.

Ed accepted the younger man's help with a nod of thanks. "All good."

"Uncle Sonny," Noah yelled from the back seat as he tried to unbuckle his booster seat's belt.

Ed opened the back door but let Carisi tend to Noah. Olivia had popped the trunk, and the officer who'd followed them over insisted on helping with their luggage.

Ed and Olivia walked behind Carisi who had Noah tucked under one arm like a lanky football and the boy's backpack in his other hand. Noah was blissfully unaware of any danger and was eating up the attention.

"Where do you want these?" The officer asked lifting Olivia's suitcase and Ed's duffle.

Olivia looked to Carisi, just as a young blond man walked into the living room. Carisi pointed the officer to a hallway at the back.

There were hasty introductions and thanks and assurances. Their host was Greg Malone, a detective who looked like he was in his early 40s. Olivia was surprised to learn that he wasn't an SVU detective, but was Anti-Crime and had met Carisi in law school.

"My wife will be home soon," Greg said. "She was just dropping our son at a friend's house for the night."

"I'm sorry to displace your family," Olivia said. She turned to Ed. "Maybe we should have just gone to a safe house?"

"Nonsense," Greg said. "This was a planned sleepover. The class has a field trip tomorrow, and Trish and I both have to be at work too early to take him."

Olivia calmed a bit, but she still felt uncomfortable imposing on another family.

"We're safe here, Lieu," Carisi added. "No one would ever make this connection."

"He's right," Ed said wrapping an arm around her shoulders and giving her a squeeze. The action didn't go unnoticed by Carisi who grinned.

Ed was worried that Carisi's reaction would cause Olivia to retreat, but either she didn't notice or it didn't bother her. She didn't acknowledge it at all.

Greg started explaining the planned sleeping arrangements. They wanted to put Noah upstairs in their son's room with Carisi on the bottom bunk, and let Liv stay with Ed in the ground floor guest room. Olivia didn't like the idea of Noah being so far from her, but he'd overheard the plans and was already excited about sleeping on the top bunk.

Ed wouldn't handle the stairs well, so it made sense for him to stay in the guest room. It's not like Carisi was going to share a bed with him. The only other option was to leave Ed alone, put Carisi on the couch and Olivia with Noah.

Noah didn't like that because he already thought he was having a sleep over with Uncle Sonny. Olivia knew she was being overprotective. They were safe in this house. Only a handful of people even knew the exact address, and Carisi would protect Noah with his life.

She gave in.

Again, Ed was surprised. Not as much that she gave in to her son's demands, but more so that she didn't make a fuss about sharing a room with him, again. They'd made progress in the past 48 hours, but she was usually so private. It was intriguing that she let Carisi assume and didn't appear to care that he knew things were starting to work out between them.

Before the silence could grow awkward, Trish arrived home and came bustling through the side door in the kitchen. While Greg introduced her, Noah dragged Carisi toward the stairs. The other officer lingered by the front door as though he wasn't sure what to do.

Ed nodded in his direction and said something to Olivia. When the officer saw their interaction he came over and asked if they needed anything else. They didn't, so he took his leave.

* * *

Later that evening, the group sat around the family's dining table eating homemade "ba-sketti" because someone told Trish it was Noah's favorite. Olivia couldn't stop thanking her, and couldn't help but feel appreciation and a hint of guilt once again. This family was going out of their way to be helpful for three complete strangers.

The rest of the night passed quickly. Noah protested when he had to go to bed at nine, and Uncle Sonny got to stay up later. Carisi had given Olivia a knowing smile and whispered that he'd lay down until Noah fell asleep.

It had taken about half an hour, but Carisi eventually rejoined the adults in the living room. They chatted a little about nothing, and it was nice to have a distraction from the real reason they were there. It was a short reprieve.

Ed and Olivia had both gotten little sleep and were also awake early, so by 10:30, they were yawning. They excused themselves, and left Carisi and their host couple to watch the evening news.

"I'd like to catch a quick shower," Ed said as he closed the door behind them. "If you don't mind?"

"Of course not," she answered. She'd taken a shower earlier in the afternoon while Carisi had tried to teach Noah how to play Mario Cart.

He headed toward the ben suite bathroom.

"Need any help?"

"Nah," he said without looking back. "I'm feeling quite a bit better this afternoon."

"Oh really?" The tone of her voice caused him to turn as he was about to shut the door. He saw her impish grin and smile.

Flirting with Olivia. He'd almost forgotten how sweet it was.

He made quick work of the shower, and it wasn't until he got out that he realized he hadn't brought any clothes into the bathroom. He finished drying off and slung the towel around his waist.

When Ed opened the door, he found Olivia already dressed for bed. She was sitting on top of the covers, and she seemed on edge.

"I'm just going to wash my face," she announced, hopping off the still made bed.

He nodded. Her sudden change in demeanor throwing him for a loop. She'd been sending mixed signals ever since they got to the Malone's house. He suspected it was more about her trying to get used to the idea of them again while being confronted with both the danger of the situation and the fact that they were with complete strangers.

He tried to keep control of his thoughts as he slipped into some boxers. He debated a second or two before he grabbed a t-shirt from his bag. The room was a little warm, but he didn't want to make Olivia any more uncomfortable than she already seemed.

He folded back the comforter and sheet and slipped into bed. When Olivia finally emerged several minutes later, he could have sworn he saw her blush before she tucked her head and headed to the other side.

He focused on his phone to hopefully make her feel more at ease and less in the spotlight of his attention. She sat, but didn't lie down or bother to get under the covers. He decided to bite the bullet.

"You okay?" Ed took off his glasses and dropped his phone on the bed. Then he turned to look at her. Her back was to him and her head was slightly bowed.

"I'm fine."

He tilte couldn't help but feel some disappointment that she was back to being "fine."

Olivia could almost feel his smirk. She turned halfway toward him, but kept one foot on the floor. "This isn't awkward to you?"

Ed flinched at her honest question, but quickly recovered. "Honestly?"

She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow.

"No, Liv, it's not awkward," he said reaching for her hand. "I told you before, and I'll tell you every day for the rest of our lives if that's what it takes."

She bit her bottom lip and almost looked nervous.

"Wherever you are," he continued. "That's where I want to be. You with me. That's all I need."

She softened a little and finally pulled both feet onto the bed and slid under the covers.

She turned away once more and reached for the lamp. "Is it okay if I turn this off?"

"Sure, just let me plug my phone in," he fumbled with the plug for a second before leaving the phone on the nightstand.

Once he was settled, she flipped the switch. Ed wanted to reach for her hand again. He really wanted to drag her into his side and hold her close. Instead he waited. His instinct told him that he needed to let her make the first move tonight. He wasn't going to push her faster than she was ready.

They were both painfully still and quiet for several seconds.

Just as he was about to say something to break the silence, he heard her sigh followed by movement.

Olivia's hand found his, and he felt her scooting closer. When she got next to him, she lifted his hand a little before letting go and reaching across his body. He took the hint and pulled his good arm up, so she could snuggle into his side.

"This okay?" she whispered resting her cheek on his shoulder, but not fully settling in.

"Of course," he said draping his arm over her and reaching up with his other hand to slide his knuckle over her cheek.

She breathed deeply and let herself ease into his embrace.

"Thank you," he said.

Olivia lifted her head and rested her chin on his chest, their faces inches apart. "For what?"

"Giving me another chance."

 _ **tbc**_


	29. Chapter 29

a/n: Dear Kenny, ask and ye shall receive…

* * *

Ed relished the feel of Olivia's lips on his for the second time in one day. Of course, now, lying in bed with her hovering above him, ravaging his mouth, things were significantly more intense than their earlier make out session in her kitchen.

Truth be told, he was still reeling from her sudden shift in gears. They needed to have a serious conversation about their relationship and her lingering doubts, and it needed to be at a time when they weren't hiding out in a stranger's guestroom.

But damn if the woman's mouth wouldn't be the death of him. The fact that she was here with him and that she initiated this made it almost impossible to focus on anything else.

Olivia nipped at his bottom lip.

He smiled into her kiss and took the hint, returning his full attention to the beautiful woman in his arms. The stark reality of their situation faded from his thoughts as he cupped her face and lost himself in the taste of her.

Olivia was propped up on her elbow and pressed against his side. It started out innocently enough, a simple kiss. She surprised herself with her burst of intensity, but the spark she felt when her lips touched his ignited the ache of the past half a year without him.

She should stop this but found she couldn't. Not yet. His body was warm and hard. The scent of his aftershave filled her with a familiar comfort. She sighed against his lips.

Feeling her falter, Ed ran his other hand from its current spot at her hip up her side grazing her breast. She gasped, and he used the opportunity to take control of the kiss driving his tongue into her mouth with a hunger that rivaled hers.

Olivia relinquished. In a rare moment of vulnerability, she found herself craving his guidance in this thing that she'd so recklessly begun.

Ed continued his caress, skimming his fingers over her night shirt. When he brushed against her breast again, Olivia swallowed a moan and placed her hand on his chest. She planted her other hand firmly on the bed next to his head and braced herself above him.

Her move opened the space between them just enough to allow him better access. Ed couldn't believe she was encouraging this to continue. His touch was feather light as his hand crisscrossed her torso over her shirt in an unrelenting tease that never quite reached the intended target.

Olivia let out an almost pained whimper of frustration when his hand left her chest all together and blazed a trail back to her waist. Before she could protest in earnest, she felt him slip his fingers under the edge of her shirt. He lightly dragged his knuckles over her stomach as he toyed with the hem.

Her eyes slammed shut, and she inhaled sharply at the sensation.

Ed hesitated a beat to make sure it was okay to continue. Olivia slowly opened her eyes and rolled onto him even more sliding her thigh between his.

She gave him a few light pecks before kissing along his jaw. When she got to his neck, she whispered, "God, I've missed you," then lightly bit at his earlobe.

"You have no idea." Ed turned his hand over and flatted his palm against her stomach. He slowly moved upward, catching the lip of her shirt with his thumb dragging it higher.

He earned another gasp when he made contact with her bare skin on the underside of her breast. Much to Olivia's growing frustration, Ed's touch took on an almost lazy pace. While she found herself craving more, he seemed to be determined to prolong the moment as long as possible.

She leaned into him. "Ed." Her voice was breathy and her lips brushed his as she spoke.

He would never deny her. He couldn't. He clenched his jaw as he finally took the full weight of her breast in his hand. The familiar feel of her body flooding his senses.

Olivia rested her forehead on his and let her eyes close.

Ed was frustrated by their position because he couldn't see her, and he was suddenly desperate to see her. To watch her reaction to his touch. He pushed her back slightly.

She opened her eyes and looked at him with uncertainty. The reverence of his gaze was overwhelming, but it eased her doubt.

Olivia watched as his eyes darkened with desire and trailed over her face before dropping to where his hand disappeared under her shirt. He pushed it higher. Understanding his intent and unable to withstand his slow seduction, she reached down and started unbuttoning her top.

Ed dropped his hand and watched. It was a simple action, but he always found it incredibly erotic. When she got to the third button the top gaped enough that he had the perfect view of her chest.

"Livvv," Ed practically growled her name. "You're not playing fair."

"Who's playing?" She pushed her knee a little higher between his legs brushing against him and eliciting another growl.

"Olivia," he cautioned. He couldn't believe her boldness. There was no way they were having sex in this guest room. She wouldn't let it go that far, and they both knew it.

He was about to put the brakes on, but she flashed a sweet smile and did it again. If he were in better condition, he'd flip her onto her back and repay the favor. Instead, he decided on a different revenge.

Olivia saw him clench his jaw to maintain control and wondered if she'd pushed him too much. He snaked his hand inside her shirt, but instead of going for her breast, he reached around and lightly caressed her back.

She expected him to tell her they had to stop, but before she knew what was happening, he'd pushed himself up on one elbow. In an instant his lips were on her collarbone.

It was her turn to stifle a moan. His hand on her back held her to him as his tongue dipped lower and lower. When his lips finally, mercifully closed over her nipple, Olivia couldn't stop her hips from bucking into him. Her shirt slipped off her shoulder.

Ed smiled against her chest and flicked her nipple with his tongue. Her arm that had been bracing her against the bed nearly buckled.

"Shit," she hissed when the action just gave him better access, and he lightly scraped his teeth over her sensitive flesh. The heat pooled between her legs, and her head dropped.

Knowing that he was pushing both of their limits, Ed reluctantly eased up. He kissed his way up to neck where he lingered for a tiny moment at the spot just below her ear that he knew drove her crazy.

She moaned, but also pushed lightly against his chest.

Ed fell back with a shaky breath willing his body relax.

Olivia's chest was heaving and her eyes were clouded with desire, but he could see that she also knew it was time to dial it back.

"Bastard," she said with a smile before leaning down to kiss him.

"You started it."

Olivia had to give him that one. She didn't know what had gotten into her, but the minute their lips had touched, she'd lost herself. She blushed at her own lack of self-control.

"What?" Ed ran his thumb over her cheek.

"I don't know what got into me," she admitted. "I knew we couldn't. We shouldn't. But god, I just…" She trailed off and shook her head in embarrassment.

"It's okay, Liv," he said pulling her toward him, eventually coaxing her to return to her earlier position with her head on his shoulder. He knew that when she was feeling vulnerable, it was easier for her to not have to look him in the eye.

"Mmm," she said by way of thanks. She pulled her shirt back over her shoulder, but didn't bother with buttoning for now.

"Besides, if it weren't for these damn stitches and the fact that it would probably kill me." He smirked. "You'd still be moaning my name and begging me not to stop."

She playfully smacked his chest, and felt his silent chuckle rumble beneath her. They were both still catching their breath and trying to calm their bodies, and craved the closeness. Olivia traced little patterns on his chest, and Ed ran his fingers through her hair, each savoring the promise of more to come.

* * *

Half an hour later, Olivia was still awake just listening to Ed's soft snores. The beat of his heart had slowed as he drifted further into dreamland. She wanted to sleep, but she couldn't. Something wasn't right.

She shifted ever so slightly trying not to jostle or wake Ed. He mumbled something and subconsciously tightened his hold on her. She tried to get her mind and body to relax.

"What's wrong?" Ed said after a few more minutes of her squirming finally woke him.

"I don't know." Her voice was tight and controlled.

"Liv?" He reached up and brushed the hair away from her face. He could still only see the top of her profile. He nudged her chin.

She lifted her head and looked at him.

"Something's not right."

"What does that mean?" Ed asked confused and still shaking off sleep.

"I don't even know," she admitted. "I have a bad feeling about being here."

"You think Greg?"

"No, no," she said. "Nothing like that."

He studied her features. He knew her enough to know that she wasn't one to go on a weak hunch. If she was this bothered, there was probably something up.

"I can't shake this sense of dread." She shook her head as though literally trying to rid herself of the feeling.

"There are four police officers in this house, and no one knows we're here." He hoped to appeal to her logic.

"You're probably right," she said, but they both knew she wasn't appeased.

Still, she snuggled back into him and tried to quiet her mind. Ed was now fully awake and attuned to her anxiety. He rubbed her arm and turned a little so she was even more engulfed in his arms.

Another half an hour later, they were both still awake.

"You want me to go dig around in the kitchen," Ed offered. "See if I can find you some tea or something?"

"No, I'm sorry," she said starting to pull away. "I can go sleep on the couch. I don't want to keep you awake all night."

"Don't even think of it," he caught her elbow and pulled her back. "There's no way I could sleep in here, knowing that you're awake and upset out there."

She didn't respond, and he knew she was probably beating herself up for disrupting his sleep.

"Olivia," he said. "We're in this together. No matter what."

She kissed him softly, then laid back down.

Just when she was finally about to fall asleep, they heard glass breaking.

 _ ***dun dun***_


	30. Chapter 30

a/n: I know I can't really properly apologize for such a long absence, and I won't bore you with excuses. Just know that I'm back. This is extra, extra long, and there's more coming soon. Special thanks to the one person who always encourages me - you da best.

* * *

Ed instinctively tightened his hold on Olivia at the sound of a potential threat. She, on the other hand, immediately started to pull away.

"Noah," she said as she extracted herself from his grasp and quickly crawled out of bed. A quiet understanding passed between them, and he joined her in getting up.

There was just enough light from outside, that they didn't need to risk alerting anyone to the fact that they were awake by turning on a light. Ed slipped a t-shirt over his head while Olivia dug in her bag.

He tossed his sweatshirt toward her. "You might wanna put that on."

She looked down and smirked. Her sleep shirt was more sheer than she realized. She nodded, and continued her search.

Ed heard the click of her gun as she checked the clip and the chamber. He was a little surprised to hear her check it again but chalked it up to nerves. He wished he had his own service weapon, but it had been on him when he was shot and was somewhere in the system waiting for him to officially return to work.

"Here." Olivia turned the Glock so she was holding the barrel and passed the grip to him.

He furrowed his brow in confusion, but he took it from her and repeated her safety checks. It was partly out of habit and partly to get the feel of a weapon that wasn't his.

At his expression, she nodded toward the corner of the bed. "I also brought my Sig."

He followed her gaze and noticed a slightly smaller gun sitting next to his sweatshirt. She grabbed the shirt and pulled it over her head.

"You knew." His voice was a low whisper.

Ed trusted Olivia and her instincts. That was nothing new, but sometimes he still found himself in awe of how good she really was at her job, how well she'd earned the moniker she outwardly professed to hate. He remembered the first time it had come up.

" _Badass Benson. It's so crass," she'd complained with a roll of her eyes._

 _It had been early in their thawing days, well before he'd ever dreamed of anything more than a more cordial working relationship with the formidable then Sergeant. He'd almost felt bad about bringing it up, but he saw a gleam in her eye that said she didn't hate it as much as she claimed._

 _She'd eventually admitted that a part of her knew it was at least somewhat of a compliment and appreciated it for what it was. Then she'd surprisingly started talking about her early days as a cop and how difficult it was for women to get respect from some of their male colleagues. How it had made her doubt herself in the beginning._

 _He'd never seen that side of her before. He'd been surprised she'd opened up to him. But she had. It was that night that he learned the single thing that changed everything and permanently changed his intentions toward her._

 _Olivia Benson had a vulnerable side._

 _It shouldn't be that shocking, he'd told himself at the time. Sure, she put on an outward veneer. Everyone did, especially women in male-dominated occupations. But that night, for the first time he'd understood what it cost her, and he'd been overwhelmed by the urge to be a space where she didn't have to wear that protective shell._

"I figured you'd be more comfortable with the Glock," Olivia said drawing him back to the present.

He smiled, and she caught a look in his eye that reminded her of how it used to be. She wanted to ask what he was thinking about. But there wasn't time for trips down memory lane. Noah was her priority.

"Thanks." He carried the same model, so it made sense she'd give him that one. "How do you want to handle this?"

"I'm going to text Carisi to keep Noah up stairs until we've cleared the first floor," she said snatching her phone from the nightstand. "I don't want to risk a call, so I hope he's awake."

Ed nodded. While she sent the message, he decided to put on a pair of sweats, so he wasn't running around in his boxers. He felt a jolt of pain in his side as he bent to step into them, and he was instantly grateful for the adrenaline coursing through his body.

He must have groaned aloud because Olivia was suddenly looking at him with concern in her eyes. "You okay?"

Her voice was laced with urgency, and he wouldn't do or say anything to delay her quest to get to her son. "I'll be fine," he assured. "You can go straight upstairs. I can handle things down here."

She shook her head. "He's with Carisi, and I don't want to risk either of us going alone in a strange house. We don't even know what we're up against."

He sighed, but didn't argue. Tactically, her plan was the safest option. At this point they didn't know if it was a lone attacker, more than one or a damned raccoon. He somehow knew they weren't lucky enough for it to be a four legged enemy.

They moved toward the door, and she took the lead. He innately understood that she needed to feel some semblance of control.

* * *

Olivia's heart was slamming in her chest. Her singular focus was to ensure Noah's safety, but they had to get to him first.

She looked at Ed. In an instant she realized that while they'd been involved in multiple cases together, and he'd even helped negotiate her out of a hostage situation, they'd never been in the field together. Not like this. But she knew him. She recognized the tension in his posture, the fierce determination in his blue eyes. She had no doubt that he'd die before he'd fail her or Noah.

His eyes locked on hers. His stance was rigid, his grip tight on the gun. She picked up on his cadence as he repeatedly clenched and relaxed his jaw.

She nodded once. He slowly turned the door knob, and they each took a steadying breath. His eyes stayed focused.

His jaw clenched, and she nodded again lifting her gun. A third flex of his muscles, a third nod, and he quickly opened the door. It was just enough that she could get into the space and make sure no one was in the immediate area.

As he stepped behind her, Ed could tell by her even breaths that the coast was clear. He opened the door all the way, so they could both make it into the hallway. He tilted his head to the right, toward the kitchen. Her eyes followed the tilt of his chin, and they didn't need any more than that to concoct a plan.

This time, he led the way. Olivia stayed a step behind him turned slightly, so she could make sure they weren't ambushed from behind where the darkened living room led to the stairs.

The kitchen was empty, but Ed scanned the room a second time anyway. Olivia nodded toward the mudroom which led to the garage. He took two long strides and was by her side as she rounded the corner.

Mudroom was clear. They both looked at the door leading to the garage. It was most likely the scene of the noise they heard. It also posed the most risk.

Olivia checked her phone and saw that there was no response from Carisi. Part of her hoped that meant everyone upstairs was still asleep. Another part of her wasn't sure that was the best case scenario, but she had to focus on one thing at a time.

Ed nudged her arm. She showed him the blank screen. His look was one that tried to convey comfort, but he couldn't fully mask his worry.

They followed a similar count as before. Only this time, Olivia held the door knob, and Ed positioned himself to be the first through the door.

As soon as he nodded, Olivia was by his side. Unlike the mudroom that had been flooded with light from a nearby streetlamp, the garage windows were blocked by a tree, leaving it nearly pitch black. It was too dark to see anything but dark shadows, but turning on the light was a risk.

Before they could decide, there was a whoosh of air and movement.

Olivia was shoved hard with an arm to her stomach. She stumbled sideways, falling off what must have been a step leading down to the garage floor. She crashed into a stack of bicycles that crushed together against the wall under her weight.

Ed heard the commotion and momentarily lost sight of Olivia's shadowed form as she careened backwards. He started in her direction, but an elbow came in contact with his arm and ribs. The surprise and force knocked the wind out of him and caused his gun to fly out of his hand. He cursed as he heard it slide across the floor.

Ed grunted as the attacker hip checked him, throwing him to the side into a metal rack that must have held cleaning supplies. Pain shot through his side momentarily stealing his breath again. He could tell by their interaction that the perp was a large guy. Much larger than he or Liv.

Olivia was still struggling to adjust to the greater darkness of the garage, and it took her a good thirty seconds to get back on her feet. As soon as she did, she cocked her gun and yelled at the men to freeze. The perp ducked behind the car.

"Ed," she whispered making her way toward him.

"I'm fine," he grunted. The sound of plastic bottles knocking against each other filled the room as he tried to push himself up from the half-collapsed shelving unit.

Before Olivia could take another step, a hand came out of the darkness and grabbed her by her hair yanking her backwards. She cried out.

"Liv!" More bottles and cans being kicked about as Ed tried to get up. There was a moment's hesitation when he decided whether to go for his gun or turn on the light. Rather than groping in the dark, he went for the light.

All three of them flinched at the harsh intrusion, but stayed oddly silent. Ed immediately spotted his gun just under the front of the car near the left tire. He started to go for it.

The click of a gun being cocked caused him to freeze.

* * *

Seconds later, Ed was looking over the top of the car staring into the eyes of Olivia. To his horror, he saw that she was pressed against the side of the SUV by a large man who looked to be in his forties.

Ed didn't want to take his eyes off of Olivia, but he needed to assess the situation. It wasn't good. This guy had to be at least 6'4", 280. He had Olivia's hair tangled in his fist and was pulling so hard that her neck was bent at a sharp angle. He had her lower half pinned to the vehicle.

Ed looked back to Olivia. Her face was twisted into a pain-filled grimace, and it made his gut churn with the reality of the situation. He hoped he wasn't visibly shaking as he slowly lifted his hands to shoulder height.

"Okay, okay. Easy." Ed stepped toward the front of the car. His only focus was getting Olivia out of this guy's hands and away from potential harm.

"Don't move," the man said to Ed. Then he yanked Olivia's hair, bending her neck back even more, causing her to cry out again.

The guy shoved his gun under her chin pressing into her throat. "Shut up." The man's voice was steady and almost eerily low.

Olivia coughed as the gun cut into her windpipe. Ed moved even closer, rounding the front of the car. Blood was roaring through his ears, and he fought to keep his breathing even. Olivia couldn't afford for him to panic.

"I said don't move," the man repeated.

Ed stopped. "Okay." He leaned into his front foot allowing him to ever so slightly continue his advance. "Listen, there are two more cops searching the perimeter. You're not getting out of here, so let's just talk about this."

The man seemed to consider this briefly. "Bullshit," he spat. "Now, where's the kid? Noah?"

Olivia tensed at the mention of her son. "My son's not here." She could barely get the words out with the way this guy was holding her.

"Bullshit," he repeated. "Where. Is. The. Boy?" Each word was punctuated with a yank on her hair. She flinched each time but wouldn't give him the satisfaction of making a sound.

"She's telling you the truth," Ed said taking another small step forward. "The boy's not here."

"I know he came here with you." The man tugged Olivia back against him switching tactics. Now he held her against him with an arm at her waist and put the gun to her temple. "Stop lying to me, or I'll do her right now."

White hot anger flashed through Ed's body. If he could, he'd rip the man apart with his bare hands. Instead, he honed in on Olivia. They were steady, but there was an underlying pleading to protect her son.

"He's not here," Ed insisted through gritted teeth. "After we got settled, we decided to send him out of the city with another detective."

The man squinted his cold eyes. "As you wish." He waved his gun at Ed. "On your knees."

This wasn't good. He had to stall.

"You're not getting out of here alive," Ed said.

"I said get down." He pushed the gun hard into the side of Olivia's head. She flinched again.

Ed slowly backed up and began to do as he was told. He kept talking as he dropped to one knee. "You might get one of us, but you'll never get out of this garage."

He was speaking to the intruder, but he never took his eyes off of Olivia. She was looking around the garage, presumably for a way out. As long as there was breath in her lungs, Ed knew she wouldn't stop fighting for her son. He had to figure out a way to get them out of this room.

"Oh, now that's not why we're here Tucker." The man's words were icy and filled with hate.

Olivia shivered, and a chill creeped down Ed's spine as he tried to grasp what the guy was getting at. Before he could ask, the man continued.

"You see." He dragged the gun down the side of Olivia's face. "The reason we're here…" He paused and continued to slide the gun down Olivia's neck, over her collarbone. He stopped when he got to her chest and jammed the gun under her left breast toward her heart. He sneered at Ed. "We're here to educate you on the unbearable pain of losing someone you love."

Ed could feel his panic rising, threatening to consume him. He didn't know who this unhinged man was, but he knew that this was personal. He fought to regulate his breathing so he didn't hyperventilate. He'd just gotten Olivia back. He couldn't lose her. Not like this. Never like this.

"Ed," Olivia whispered drawing his eyes back to hers. He knew what she was doing. She was trying to keep him focused on the moment. That was difficult to do when he could scarcely find his next breath.

He stared at her and fought to maintain control of himself. He couldn't very well control the situation if he couldn't keep himself in check. He just had to breathe, but that seemed to be increasingly difficult to do.

"Now that I've got your attention…" The man shifted the gun back to Olivia's head and used his large frame to inch her forward. "I'd hoped to be able to take my time with this one, but I guess I'll have to settle for your anguish as you watch the light go out of her eyes."

Olivia was trying to blink back her own tears. There was such finality in the man's tone. It was clear that this asshole didn't expect to make it out alive, and that he was determined to take her out with him.

Ed caught a glint of something through the broken pane of the door that led to the small porch outside. He looked back at Olivia and again moved backwards ever so slightly letting the front of the car come between them.

"Stay where I can see you," the man said, again using his body to propel himself and Olivia forward but never loosening his grip enough for her to get any kind of leverage.

Ed scooted back a little more. His motive was two-fold. Get to the gun, and get the man in front of the door. The gun was inches from his right knee. There was no way he could get it and get in a shot before the bastard had a chance to pull his own trigger.

"Maybe I'll shoot her in the gut first."

Ed stilled.

The man shoved the gun into Olivia's ribs. "We can sit here and watch her bleed out together."

She winced.

Bile rose in the back of Ed's throat. He said a silent prayer that he was right about what he'd seen a few moments ago. He leaned against the car and started for the gun.

"Stop!" The man shouted pulling his gun off Olivia and pointing it at Ed, who tried to duck behind the car.

A shot rang out.

Olivia screamed.

A second shot immediately followed.

* * *

"Ed!" Olivia screamed again as she was forced to the floor. The room blurred. There was a sudden crushing weight on her chest making it difficult to draw in a full breath.

"Liv," Ed croaked followed by something else she couldn't make out. She didn't care what he was saying. As long as he was talking, he was okay.

"Lieutenant!" Carisi's voice rang out from somewhere behind her. She was confused because she didn't remember him being there. Had she lost consciousness? She blinked several times as she tried to figure out what the hell just happened.

She felt something nudging at her feet. She was still struggling to get her bearings when Ed was suddenly there cupping her face in his hands.

"Liv," Ed's voice was growing stronger, but very much out of breath. "Are you hit?"

Her eyes fluttered as she tried to focus on him. Ed was pawing at her trying pull her to him, but she was pinned, face down beneath the weight of the man.

"I'm okay," she mumbled. "At least I think I am."

"Watch your feet, Lieu," Carisi called. She turned her head toward the sound of his voice and saw that he was trying to push through the door that led outside, but her feet and the man's were in the way. She tried to shift, but she was almost completely immobilized by the dead weight on top of her.

Carisi somehow managed to squeeze through the door while Ed slid the attacker's gun away from them. Then both men rolled the guy to the side freeing Olivia.

She immediately started getting to her feet. Ed was right there with her, running his hands over her shoulders and arms. "You sure you're okay?" He was breathing hard and his features were tight with what she took to be panic.

She nodded and leaned into him. Her head dropping to his shoulder as he draped his arm loosely around her shoulders.

"You both okay?" Carisi said as he joined them.

"Yeah," Ed said, unable to hide the shakiness in his voice.

As soon as Olivia saw Carisi, she pulled away from Ed and turned to her detective. "Where's Noah?"

Carisi put his hand on her shoulder and nodded toward the door to the house. Before he could explain, Greg busted in. His gun was drawn, but he quickly assessed the situation and lowered his weapon. "Everyone okay?"

"We're good," Carisi said, looking to Ed and Olivia for confirmation. Olivia nodded, and Ed briefly closed his eyes.

"Carisi," Olivia said her voice finding strength and taking on a tone of command. "Noah, where is he?"

"He's upstairs with my wife," Greg said. "He's okay."

Olivia started to head back into the house. "I need to see him. Now."

Greg pushed past her, and led the way. "Trish is armed, so let me give her an all clear before we all go barging up the stairs."

The four of them bounded through the living room and up the stairs. Realizing the others weren't able to wait, Greg called out to his wife letting her know the coast was clear. He then shoved his gun into the back waist band of his jeans, accurately guessing that Olivia wouldn't want her son to be aware of the full danger of the situation.

Olivia was hot on his heels. Ed was still winded from the earlier fight and struggled to keep up.

"You sure you're okay, Cap?" A concerned Carisi called from a few steps behind him.

"Fine," Ed grumbled leaning heavily against the railing as he used it to help pull himself up the last few steps. "Just get Liv to Noah."

Carisi didn't look like he bought Ed's assurances, but he wasn't going to argue until the family was reunited. He and Ed made it to the bedroom door just as Noah saw Olivia.

"Mommy," he jumped of the bottom bunk and ran into her waiting arms.

"Noah, baby." She dropped to her knees, pulled him tightly to her with one hand and ran her hand over is hair with the other. "I love you so much."

"I'm not a baby," Noah pouted not understanding the seriousness of the situation.

She scooped him off the floor as she stood and settled him on her hip. "Of course you're not." She smiled and tweaked his nose. "I still love you, more than anything in the world."

"I love you, too." Noah finally picked up on the tension radiating off the adults in the room. "What happened?"

"Nothing, ba…" She stopped herself and squeezed him a little tighter. "Nothing for you to worry about, sweet boy."

"You hurt," he said pulling at her sweatshirt.

She tried to see what Noah was seeing. When she couldn't, she looked to Ed.

He noticed a couple smudges of blood on her shoulder. He frowned but shook his head.

"No, no," she assured. "I'm not hurt." She inwardly cursed. They were going to have to eventually tell Noah something, and she had no idea what that would be.

"Everyone's okay, buddy," Ed said stepping into the pair's space. He sounded out of breath and raspy drawing Olivia's attention.

"Ed?" She took her hand from Noah's head and ran her thumb over Ed's cheek. He was pale, almost ashen.

"Tuck?" Noah heard the worry in his mom's voice and also reached for Ed. "You bleeding."

Olivia looked from Ed to Noah and back again following her son's line of sight. Blood was suddenly and quickly soaking through Ed's t-shirt at his side.

"Ed, your stitches." Olivia ran her hand down his back at the same time he slightly stumbled into her.

Carisi rushed forward and got his shoulder under one of Ed's arms. "I gotcha, Cap."

"Liv?" Ed choked out before his eyes clouded in confusion and he sank into Carisi's side.

 _ **tbc**_


	31. Chapter 31

a/n: Coming to you from a random spa in Arizona...

* * *

The room descended into chaos. Greg rolled a small office chair toward Carisi who helped Ed ease onto it. Trish rushed from the room and was back almost immediately with a small towel.

Olivia was frozen in place. Ed was struggling to stay conscious.

"Mommy, what happened to Tuck?" Noah cried jarring her out of her daze.

Olivia was torn, she didn't want Noah to witness this, but she didn't want to leave Ed. "He's going to be okay, baby."

Noah had long forgotten his protest at the name. Instead his focus was on Ed.

Trish folded the towel into a rectangle and knelt in front of Ed. "This is probably going to hurt." She pressed the makeshift bandage into his side.

Ed moaned loudly and cursed to himself.

Noah struggled to get out of Olivia's arms. "Don't hurt Tuck," he yelled.

Olivia tightened her hold and tried to shield him from seeing, but Noah resisted and squirmed in her arms. "They're not hurting him, Noah. They have to stop the bleeding."

"Noah," Carisi said sidling up next to them. "Maybe you and I should go downstairs and wait for the ambulance."

Noah immediately ducked into Olivia's neck. "No, I'm staying with Mommy and Tuck."

Olivia appreciated what Carisi was trying to do, but she honestly didn't know what was best at the moment. Ed didn't look good, and she didn't want Noah to see him like this. She also couldn't send him away, scared and confused.

"Noah," Carisi continued. "The Captain needs the ambulance to come take him to the hospital. I need your help to show them where to go."

Noah looked from Carisi to Olivia, who still didn't know what was best. Then Noah looked at Ed.

"It's okay, bud," Ed said, his voice so quiet the whole room stilled. "Help Uncle Sonny find the ambulance for me."

Olivia was both relieved and terrified. She was relieved that Noah decided to go with Carisi. She was terrified because Ed barely made it until Noah left the room before his head rolled to the side and his eyes drifted closed.

She was at his side in an instant. "Ed Tucker," she said with tears in her voice. "We're going to get you to the hospital. You've just lost some blood. That's all."

Ed struggled to focus on her, but he wouldn't deny her. "Okay." He fought as long as he could to remain conscious, but eventually, the loss of blood and trauma to his body won out.

The last thing he heard before he lost consiousness was Olivia's choked sob, "Ed."

* * *

Carisi insisted on driving Olivia and Noah as they followed the ambulance to the hospital. She'd wanted to protest, but her shaking hands as she handed him the keys, told them both that he was right in his insistence.

She buckled Noah into his booster seat and climbed in next to him, now grateful that Carisi was driving.

"You ride in the back with me?" Noah asked.

"Yeah, Carisi's going to drive for me," she said. "So I can sit with my favorite little man."

"Okay," Noah said simply. "But Tuck is you favorite big man, right, Mommy?"

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Carisi couldn't suppress a grin as he watched them through the rearview mirror.

"Yeah baby." She smiled sadly. "He's my favorite big man."

"Mom-my," Noah said with exasperation. "I told you. I'm not a baby."

"That's right," she said with a smile that didn't come close to masking the worry in her eyes. "You're my big boy, aren't you?"

"Yes," he said emphatically. "I'm a big boy."

They continued the rest of the trip in relative silence. Olivia checked her phone a couple times, but neither Fin nor Amanda had responded to her texts. It was 4am, so she wasn't surprised. She also knew she could call them and get and immediate answer, but what could they do. The threat had been eliminated. Ed was on his way to the hospital, and she and Noah were going to meet him there.

Eventually, Lucy or Amanda would come to get him. She wasn't going to let her son sit at the hospital for hours on end, but for now, she wanted him close.

* * *

Two hours later, Amanda rushed into the waiting area where Olivia sat on a small couch. Noah was curled up fast asleep with his head in her lap.

"Any word?" Amanda whispered.

Olivia shook her head. "They had to operate. His stitches were busted, and they're worried about internal bleeding again."

Amanda dropped into the seat across from Olivia. "Where's Carisi?" There was a hint of accusation in her tone that her colleague had left Olivia alone.

"He went to get us some coffee," Olivia said. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the wall. No amount of coffee would help the tiredness that had settled deep within her.

"Fin's at the scene," Amanda told her boss. "Figured you'd want one of us there."

"Thanks." Her eyes remained closed. She did want someone she could trust handling this, and she hadn't even thought to take care of that. Her only focus had been her son and her… Ed.

"Here ya go, Lieu," Carisi said holding out a cup of steaming hot coffee. "Hey 'Manda, sorry. I didn't know you were here, or I'd have brought one for you."

"No worries," Amanda said and nodded toward her travel tumbler that was sitting on the floor at her feet.

Before they could continue the niceties, the doctor arrived. "Ms. Benson?"

Olivia carefully extracted herself from Noah, replacing her lap with Amanda's coat that was quickly thrust into her hands. Carisi and Amanda exchanged a glance. He opted to stay back with Noah, while Rollins followed Olivia and the doctor a few steps away.

"He's really lucky," the doctor began. "There were no internal injuries. His stitches busted, and there was a large hematoma behind some scar tissue that ruptured. So it looked much worse than it was. He lost a lot blood, for the second time in less than a week, that's why he lost consciousness. We had to give him two pints."

"But he's going to be okay," Olivia interrupted.

"He's going to be just fine, ma'am." The doctor smiled at her. "He'll be out from the anesthetic for another half hour or so, but I'm sure he'll be happy to see you when he wakes."

"Thank you," Olivia almost gushed. The relief she felt was palpable.

"Is his son here?" The doctor asked.

Olivia squinted at him with a slight shake of the head.

"He regained consciousness briefly before we sedated him and was asking for his son," the doctor explained. "He wanted us to make sure that he knew he was going to be okay."

Olivia gasped and drew a hand to her mouth. Amanda wrapped her arm around her boss's waist.

"He's only five." Olivia's voice was breathy and soft. "He's asleep in the waiting room."

"I'm sure he's really worried about his dad," the doctor said, completely oblivious to the significance of the moment. "We don't normally let children of that age into the ICU, but we might be able to make a brief exception, if you think it's okay."

Olivia looked at Amanda. She didn't know what was okay. Ed must have referred to Noah as his son, and she had no idea what to do with that information.

Amanda stole a quick glance over her shoulder. Carisi was wide-eyed, having heard the exchange.

"Thank you, doctor," Olivia said, her voice barely above a whisper. Then she turned and headed back to the couch.

Neither Amanda nor Carisi said a word. They just watched as Olivia absentmindedly brushed Noah's hair from his forehead and sighed.

* * *

Ed felt himself becoming aware. At first he was gripped with fear, thinking he was still in that garage, but slowly the memories came back to him. He heard Noah's scared voice and Olivia's as she called his name.

"Noah," he muttered.

"Ed," Olivia's voice made it to him through the fog of medication. "Are you awake?"

"Liv?"

Her hand was on his, her thumb tracing back and forth. "Yeah, baby, I'm here."

"I'm not a baby," Ed said, the corners of his mouth tipping slightly upward as he finally opened his eyes.

Olivia smiled back at him relieved he was in a good enough frame of mind to make jokes. "Thank God, you're okay."

"I'm okay, Liv," he said softly, still finding his voice. "How long was I out."

"Just long enough for them to confirm that you didn't have any internal bleeding." Her voice cracked at the end.

"Liv," he said finding the strength to squeeze her hand. "I _am_ okay. I'm going to be just fine."

"I thought I was going to lose you," she croaked.

"Me too."

The whole of the night flooded her memory. She shuddered.

"Knock, knock," Amanda called from the door.

They both looked up.

"Sorry to interrupt," Amanda said, not bothering with niceties. "Noah is awake, and he's kind of upset."

"Noah," Ed said.

"Give me just a minute," Olivia said to him. Then she stood and joined Amanda at the door before looking back at Ed. "Are you okay for me to bring him in?"

Ed looked at her, unsure.

"The doctor agreed," she explained. "For a few minutes. I think it would be good for him to see that you're okay."

"I want to see him," Ed said. "But I don't want to upset him."

"I think it will do him good to see you awake," she said. "You look much better than the last time he saw you."

The three adults looked at each other and silently agreed. Noah really wasn't a baby anymore. He understood that Ed had been hurt, and if the doctor was willing to look the other way for a few minutes, they'd take advantage of the courtesy.

* * *

"Okay Noah." Olivia was crouched next to Noah right outside Ed's room. "Just remember, Tuck is still hurt, so we have to be gentle."

"He's okay?" Noah asked. He was clearly a little daunted by the hospital experience.

"Yep, he's just fine," she answered. "He's going to be okay. It's just going to take a little time before he's all better."

"Okay," Noah stood up straight and stuck his little chin out. His bottom lip quivered ever so slightly.

"Noah, you don't have to go in there, if you don't want to," she said. "I know it's scary, and Tuck will understand."

He looked at her as if he was trying to decide if she was treating him like a baby. In a second, she saw her son as his own being. A boy, concerned about someone he loved, scared of the circumstances, but determined. She stood and took his hand.

"Let's go together."

Noah gripped her hand tightly, and she pushed open the door ushering them in.

The soft beep of a heart monitor filled the room. It was dark except for a soft light that shown right over the hospital bed.

"Tuck?" Noah's voice was small and quiet. He grabbed Olivia's pant leg halting their forward progress.

"Noah, buddy," Ed answered.

"You okay, Tuck?" Noah asked somewhat bolder, but he still clung to Olivia as she inched them forward a little more.

"I'm a little banged up," Ed said honestly. "But the doctors fixed me up. I'm going to be just fine."

"You p'omise?" Noah slowly loosened his grip on Olivia and took a single step toward Ed.

"I promise," Ed said.

Noah finally closed the distance, but once he got to the bed it was clear that he didn't know what to do. He looked back at his mom, who quickly joined him.

Ed's grateful eyes met hers.

"Noah," she said. "Do you want to sit here next to Ed?"

Noah looked at her like he didn't know what he was supposed to say.

"It's okay, bud," Ed said. "Whatever you want."

Olivia carefully lifted Noah to sit on the bed next to Ed. Noah immediately reached for Ed's hand, and her heart cracked. For Noah, it was as though no time had passed. He loved "his Tuck" and nothing would ever change that.

She knew that she needed to be 100% sure this time. It wasn't fair to Noah otherwise.

"Does it hurt?" Noah asked Ed, pointing at the IV that was taped to the back of his hand.

"Not a bit," Ed said. "In fact, that's how the doctor is giving me medicine to make me all better."

Olivia sat back and watched them interact. It was a pure, easy thing with the two of them. Ed obviously loved her son. He obviously loved her.

Olivia's chest constricted, and she drew in a sharp breath.

Ed looked at her trying to figure out if something was wrong. She could only shrug and smile, hoping to reassure him.

The doctor interrupted the moment. "So how are we doing?" The 5'6" man in the white coat strode into the room.

"You make my Tuck all better?" Noah asked.

The doctor cocked an eyebrow. "Your Tuck is going to be better in no time."

"You p'omise?" Noah asked the doctor the same question he'd asked his mom moments earlier.

"Yes," the doctor said warmly "I do promise. Your dad is going to be just fine."

Ed and Olivia both stilled, waiting for Noah's reaction to the concept of Ed as 'dad'. Noah simply thanked the doctor and turned his attention back to the patient.

"You hear that?" Noah said leaning down and taking Ed's face in both of his hands. "The doctor say you okay. You get better fast and come home?"

"Okay, No," Ed said with a soft smile. "Okay."

"I hate to be the bad guy," the doctor said. "But we really need to let daddy get his rest."

Noah immediately deflated. "Can I come back t'morrow?" His eyes were on Olivia.

She looked to the doctor.

"I think we'll be able to release him tomorrow," he offered. Then he lowered his voice and directed his comments toward Olivia. "Just want to keep him over night to make sure there's no infection and to let him get more of his strength back."

She nodded, and Noah seemed to accept that answer. "Noah, time to go." She reached for him.

Noah scrambled away from her reach and leaned into Ed. Olivia bit her lip as she watched her son carefully crouch down and kiss Ed's cheek. "Feel better, Tuck."

"Thanks buddy." Ed barely managed to get the words out. His throat was choked with the emotion of the moment.

"I'll be right back," Olivia said as she ushered Noah out of the room.

Ed could only nod.

* * *

Almost an hour later, Olivia crept back into Ed's room. He'd fallen asleep, while she'd spent almost an hour convincing Noah to go with Amanda. She was taking him home where Lucy would meet them.

Olivia struggled with sending him home, but she truly believed that Noah was okay now that he'd seen Ed. She also believed the doctor, that they might be able to get Ed out of the hospital by morning.

His color was much better, and he was obviously stronger. He could sit up, go to the bathroom, complain about the IV.

She sat in silence, periodically checking her phone for any updates from her detectives knowing Ed would be desperate to know the identity of their attacker. So far, she'd heard nothing.

She flicked the button to lock her phone and shifted in the chair trying to find a comfortable position. Her stomach growled and her head was starting to ache along with the rest of her. She knew she needed rest and that she'd have to go home eventually. She just wasn't quite ready.

"You should go home," Ed said.

"Did I wake you?" She asked apologetically.

"Nah, this damn IV keeps getting snagged," he grumbled.

Olivia hopped up and walked around the bed to help him untangle it. "They should be removing it soon."

"Liv, I know you're exhausted," he said as she returned to her original seat. "I can manage."

"I know." She scooted her chair as close as she could and took his hand in hers, but didn't look at him. "I'm not ready to leave."

"What about Noah?" Ed knew she wouldn't leave Noah for long after such a traumatic event.

"He's home with Lucy, sleeping." She finally looked up. "He was in much better spirits after he saw you."

"That's good." Ed was immediately reminded of the doctor repeatedly referring to him as Noah's dad. He wasn't sure if he should bring it up or let her address it.

"Yeah." She looked back down at their joined hands. "I promised him I'd be home for lunch, so I do have to go soon."

She wasn't ready to address it. Ed left it alone for now. One thing at a time.

"Carisi's going to come by my place later and get your things for you."

Ed tensed.

Olivia noticed. "Just thought you'd want your toothbrush and a change of clothes."

"Right," he nodded.

"We can stop by your apartment in the morning and pick up some more clothes," she continued. "Whatever you need."

He visibly relaxed, and it was only then that she realized he thought she wasn't welcoming him back to stay with her. She'd assumed he would still need some help for a few days and didn't question it.

* * *

Later that evening, Ed stared at the ceiling above his hospital bed. SportsCenter played softly in the background, but he hadn't heard a word of the MLB update.

The doctor thinking he was Noah's dad had immediately taken him back to almost a year ago, when he'd almost proposed. The thought of the three of them as a family. He hadn't let himself go there again, but now he couldn't avoid it. His mind was flooded with images of the past and of what might have been.

He wondered if Olivia felt the same struggle, or if it just scared her. Right after they broke up, he'd been angry, really angry with her, but as he bounced around through the stages of grief his source of blame changed.

He'd known she was retreating. He'd felt it. The more she retreated, instead of pursuing, he retreated as well. He'd been hurt that she didn't trust him, trust in them enough. He'd been livid that she let her fear and insecurity outweigh what they'd built.

Then, he descended into self-recrimination. What was it about him that wasn't good enough?

That's when he'd finally called Rita. She'd let him wallow for a few weeks at the bottom of a bourbon bottle before she'd called him out.

He and Olivia had both made mistakes. He'd finally accepted that it just wasn't meant to be.

Now, here he was on the cusp of getting back the one thing he wanted most, a family with Olivia and Noah. He thought it was a good sign that Olivia had stayed. She could have run. It would have been perfectly normal for her to take Noah home herself. That had to mean something.

There was a light rap on the door. Ed looked up to see Carisi poking his head in.

"Hey Cap, brought you some of your things." He sat a small duffle at the foot of the bed.

"Thanks Carisi."

"You're looking better," the Detective said. "Lieu said you should be discharged in the morning?"

"That's the plan." Ed wasn't really in the mood for small talk, but he didn't want to be rude since Carisi had gone out of his way to bring the stuff.

"She's really worried about you."

"I'll be fine." Ed cocked his head at Carisi. He was acting weird. The guy was usually pretty straightforward, but now he seemed to be hedging what he really wanted to say.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Carisi said turning and unzipping the duffle just a little. "Noah wanted you to have this."

Ed watched as Carisi produced the little elephant that Noah never slept without.

"He thought you might need some company," Carisi said handing over the stuffed animal.

"S' a good kid," Ed said trying not to get too emotional in front of the younger man. Instead he focused on the little toy, turning it over and over in his hands.

"Well, I guess I'll let you get some rest," Carisi said turning to leave.

"Thanks," Ed said, relieved to be left alone again. He looked at the elephant in his hands and sighed.

Two hours and three nurse visits later, Ed was still lost in thought. He wasn't usually this introspective. He was decisive, sure and ready to act. At the moment, his need and determination to make things work this time around surpassed his instinct.

His phone buzzed from where it was charging on the table beside him. He looked at the clock. It was after 10pm and the nurse would be arriving with his next dose of pain meds soon. There was only one person who'd be texting him at this time of night. It was that knowledge that propelled him to make the concerted effort to make the reach and retrieve his phone.

As expected, a text from Olivia. _You still awake?_

He sent her a quick _yes._

He waited and was more than a little surprised when his text screen was interrupted with an incoming call from her.

"Hey," he answered before the first ring finished. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah." Her voice was soft and sleepy.

"Liv?" He said when she didn't continue. He didn't like having conversations like this when he could see her face and read her expression. "What's up?"

"I don't know," she said. "Just needed to hear your voice, I guess."

He relaxed and answered with a slow drawl. "I miss you, too."

"Shit, did I wake you?" She seemed suddenly aware of the possibility.

"No, just laying her waiting for my next dose of oxy, so I can get some sleep."

"Oh, okay," she hesitated.

"Thanks for sending Carisi with my things," he said. He just wanted to keep her talking, and figured a non-threatening subject was his best bet.

"Sure." It worked. "Doctor still letting you go in the morning?"

"S'posed to."

They chatted about timing, and she insisted on picking him up. She filled him in on Noah's day when he asked, and they'd both gotten quiet when he mentioned the elephant. It had been Noah's idea, and he'd insisted. He learned that she was keeping him home from school another day because his sleep schedule was still pretty disrupted. Ed suspected there was something more, but he didn't push it.

Olivia had waited on hold for the few minutes it took the nurse to come in and give him his nightly dose of meds. And they kept talking about nothing until the medicine started kicking in.

"You should get some rest," Olivia said, her voice soft. Ed's eyes were closed, but he could almost imagine she was sitting next to him.

"S' gonna be better this time, Liv," he half spoke, half mumbled. "I'm gonna be better."

"Ed," she whispered.

"Love you," he said. "Tell Noah, too."

"Okay," she said, and he should have been worried that she'd regressed to one word answers. Instead he just repeated what she needed to know.

"I do love you."

"Me, too." He could hear the emotion in her voice, but she wasn't backing away.

"G'night, Liv."

"Night."

He laid there for several minutes, his phone held loosely in one hand while his other hand rested on the head of the little elephant. In the last minutes before a medically induced sleep over took him, Ed smiled as her words echoed in his mind.

 _Me, too._


	32. Chapter 32

a/n: Sorry for the delay, but hey, we're back on track. Maybe things can finally work out for our fearless duo...

* * *

Olivia hit snooze on her phone's alarm a third time. It wasn't more sleep she was seeking. She wanted another few minutes before she had to face the day.

Thankfully, Noah was off enough on his schedule that he hadn't woken up yet. She guessed she had at least another half hour.

Lucy was probably already on her way. She would stay home with Noah this morning while Olivia stopped by the precinct and then went to pick up Ed from the hospital.

Olivia worried about Noah. She'd expected him to ask more questions about what he'd seen and Ed getting hurt again. She decided she could feel him out over breakfast and make sure he was really okay.

She also worried about Fin, who was supposed to be on desk duty for at least another month, but had gone out to Greg's house to oversee the investigation there. She knew he was probably overdoing it, pushing himself and risking his own recovery. Neither he nor Amanda had even asked her permission. They'd just taken it upon themselves to work on her behalf. She wasn't sure what kind of leader that made her, but as a friend, it made her grateful.

Still, none of that was what kept her in bed staring at the ceiling at a quarter past seven. That was reserved for the man lying in a hospital bed across town. She'd surprised herself by calling Ed last night.

 _Just to hear his voice._ She'd actually said that. Out loud.

She sat up and swung her feet over the side of the bed. She almost couldn't believe that had been her true reason and even more, that she'd admitted it to him so easily. It wasn't like her. She didn't let herself need people in that way anymore.

Except that she had. Once.

For one brief period in her life she'd let herself need Ed Tucker.

He'd eased her into it. At first it was casual, this thing between them. She'd been willing to see where it might go, but if she'd been truly honest with herself, she hadn't expected anything to come of it. Not in the beginning. Then somehow, through the cases and their increasingly regular nightcaps, he'd become someone she let herself rely on. It had started to seem normal.

Almost.

After Dodds died, she'd started to close back up. At the time, it had seemed inevitable and unstoppable. Now, she realized that in some twisted way, it seemed that Ed believed it was his fault. His failure.

 _I'm gonna be better._

Olivia rubbed her temples.

He'd done everything right. He'd tried to keep her from retreating. She'd seen his frustration turn to desperation as he tried to stop her from slipping away in those last few weeks and months after Paris. What had broken her was when his desperation turned to defeat and acceptance. He'd simply quit fighting her.

"Shit," she cursed herself. What had she done? Was the damage repairable? She had to believe the answer was yes. He was back in her life, and it appeared that he wanted to stay.

Ed had been her rock through so many ups and downs, but he wasn't invulnerable. Olivia could suddenly see things from his perspective. He had his own trust issues.

He was just braver than she was about facing them.

* * *

"Mommy."

Olivia turned to see Noah standing in the doorway to her bedroom. His hair was mussed, and he was rubbing his eyes still trying to wake up.

"Good morning, my big boy." She'd learned her lesson.

"I'm hungry," he said sauntering into her room and climbing up on the foot of her bed.

Olivia smiled at Noah's easy way. There was no doubt in him that she wanted him there, that she would freely welcome him into her space. When he got close enough, she pulled him onto her lap and kissed his cheeks.

"You're hungry." She said with a ruffle of his hair. "How about I make you some cheesy eggs?"

"Yes!" Noah pumped his fist and scurried off her lap, his bare feet slapping against the wood floors as he ran toward the kitchen, suddenly fully awake. Olivia smiled as she grabbed her robe and followed him.

Noah had already climbed onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar by the time she caught up. "I can have toast, too?"

"Sure." Olivia reached into the fridge and grabbed the eggs and cheese. After setting those on the counter, she went back and snatched up the bottle of orange juice. "You want some juice?"

"Can I have Tuck's juice?"

Olivia set the orange juice on the counter. "I don't know if you'll like it." Did kids like grapefruit juice? Olivia couldn't imagine how anyone did.

"I try it?" Noah asked.

"Okay." She took a small plastic cup from the cabinet and poured a tiny amount of the pinkish juice into it.

Noah eagerly took it from her and had a big sip. His little face contorted slightly and his eyes narrowed. Olivia almost laughed.

"I like it," he insisted. "I have more?"

She wasn't sure she believed that he liked it, but she poured him half a glass. She watched as he took a smaller drink and let himself get accustomed to the taste.

"Do you really like it?"

Noah nodded and took another sip with a bit more confidence.

She shook her head. Of course he'd like it. Rather than dwelling on it, she went to work on their cheesy eggs and toast.

When she finally sat the plate in front of her son, he'd finished his juice and was looking thoughtful. She braced herself.

"Did you sleep okay? Have good dreams?" She asked.

Noah tapped his finger on his cheek. "No dreams."

"None?" She said.

"Nope."

"Noah, do you wanna talk about what happened the other day?"

He looked at her, puzzled.

"When Ed got hurt," she clarified.

He eyed her and still seemed confused by her questions. Maybe he didn't realize what had happened and how dangerous it had been. Maybe he just thought he was woken up because Ed's stitches burst. She decided to let it go.

"Tuck still come home today, right?" Noah had picked up on her apprehension and was trying to figure out what was wrong, but Olivia was stuck on one word.

 _Home._

Olivia took a deep breath. It wasn't the dreaded question, but it was close. Her son already viewed Ed as part of them again. She didn't know what he thought about the long gap between Ed's appearances, but it clearly wasn't something that discouraged him from believing that Ed belonged in their home.

"Yeah, baby." Was all she could manage.

Thankfully, Lucy's knock on the door saved Olivia from any more talk about Ed or Noah's complaints about being called baby.

* * *

"Carisi!" Barba practically shouted at the young detective. "Eye on the ball."

Olivia smirked at the ADA's sports metaphor. It wasn't like him, but Carisi had been rambling about irrelevant details for at least two full minutes. It was bound to happen.

If Carisi felt the reprimand, he didn't show it. Olivia smiled at that, too. She had a good team.

They were filling her in on a domestic violence case that had come in the day before, and it wasn't going well because the victim was too scared to cooperate.

"With what you've given me," Barba said sharply. "The best I can give you is menacing."

"Menacing?" Carisi said. "That's a misdemeanor. He won't even spend one night in jail."

"Unless you can convince the wife to cooperate that's the best I can do."

Carisi spun away from them and ran his hand over the back of his head cursing under his breath.

They knew Barba was right. It just wasn't what they wanted to hear.

"Maybe you could talk to her, Lieu," Carisi suggested turning back around. "She's got a kid. I think another mom could convince her."

Olivia sighed as she was met with two pairs of hopeful eyes. She checked her watch. She only had an hour before she needed to get Ed.

"Let me see if Lucy can come back this afternoon," she said with a frown. "Can you even get her to come back in? Is it safe for her to?"

"Husband is staying at his grandmother's for now," Carisi explained. "So we should be able to get her here without any trouble."

"Okay." She looked at Barba who just cocked his brow in apology.

He'd tried his best to get the squad to handle it, but so far no one had any luck getting the woman to press charges. Olivia was their last chance.

She shook her head. No apology was necessary. This was her job. She just had to readjust her plans for the day. It happened all the time, and she would never complain if she could help one more person.

"Three o'clock," she said to Carisi. "Let me know if anything changes."

The ADA and the detective left her to pack up her things while they went on to discuss Carisi's testimony in another upcoming case.

* * *

"I've got it." Ed's grumpy voice muttered.

Olivia couldn't suppress her smile when she walked into Ed's hospital room to find him sitting on the edge of the bed haggling with the poor nurse who was trying to help him get dressed.

"Here," she said taking the edge of his jacket from the woman. "Let me."

"Thanks," the nurse said with a good natured roll of her eyes. "He's all yours."

Ed let Olivia slide the jacket onto his arm and smoothed it over his shoulders. She turned to stand in front of him and went to grab the zipper. His hand on hers stopped her.

"I think I can at least manage that part." The grouchy tone was gone, and he sounded tired.

The nurse chuckled from her spot in the corner where she appeared to be getting his discharge papers together. She mumbled something that neither could make out.

Olivia complied and let go of the zipper pulls. His grip on her hands tightened causing her to look up at him.

His eyes softened when they found hers, and he pulled her fingers to his lips. "Good to see you."

Olivia stepped into his space and leaned her forehead against his. "Mmm."

Ed let go of her hands in favor of her embrace. He slipped his arm around her waist and breathed in the scent of her hair. Her touch was light, mindful of his physical state, but she was relaxed against him.

"Her, you like," the nurse mumbled. Olivia stepped back and smiled at him.

"Hey, I'm sorry about before," Ed said to the nurse. "I'm just really ready to get out of here."

The nurse looked up from her paperwork. "Aw honey, you've got nothing to apologize for. I'm just givin' you a hard time."

"Are we good to go?" Olivia asked.

"Just one minute." The nurse flipped through some papers handing them to Olivia one at a time. "Wound care instructions, keep an eye out for any of the symptoms in the box on the back, and bring him in if you see any of these." She drew a rough circle around a few of the serious symptoms of infection. "General pain management, and most importantly, prescriptions." She handed Olivia two more documents. "You're gonna want to fill those on your way home. He's only got a few hours til the dose I just gave him wears off."

Ed thought it was a little odd that the woman was giving all of his paperwork to Olivia instead of him, but Olivia didn't seem to mind.

"Just need a couple signatures." The nurse finally turned to Ed and held out an iPad with some forms on it. He barely paid attention as she explained what he was signing.

Within 15 minutes, they were heading to Olivia's car. She had his duffle slung over her shoulder and was trying to keep her pace slower than usual.

"I've got to go back to the station after we get you settled." The disappointment was evident in her voice. "But Lucy said she could stay for a couple extra hours."

"I don't need a babysitter," he said.

"Noah does." She punched the button for the parking garage elevator.

"I'll be there." He motioned for her to go first.

She turned to face him as soon as they were in the elevator. "Ed, you're not even 10 minutes out of your second stay in the ER in a week. Let Lucy help out."

He was annoyed, but knew that her request was perfectly reasonable. He was just tired of needing help.

"Okay?" The elevator dinged. She pointed to their left, and he saw her car a couple spaces down.

"Yeah, fine." He couldn't hide the fact that he was already winded just from their short walk. "Guess it's for the best."

She just shook her head and smiled. It wasn't lost on her how normal this felt.

As soon as she pulled onto the street, Ed reached for her hand. She stole a quick glance at him but didn't protest, so he rested their loosely joined hands on his thigh.

They rode in silence while he absentmindedly stroked his thumb along the inside of her wrist. She went to pull her hand away to make a left turn, and it took him a beat to let go. Once she straightened the wheel, he reached for her again.

"You okay?"

"Huh?" He was clearly distracted or medicated or both.

He looked down at their hands and back to her. His eyes were a little glassy.

"Just trying to hold on." He tightened his grip on her hand. She squeezed back.

 _ **tbc**_


	33. Chapter 33

a/n: I know. I'm a bad author for being MIA for so long. Hopefully, an extra long update will kinda make up for it... Lots of TucksoNoah

* * *

Olivia left Ed to finish Noah's story time and went to clean up the kitchen. Her surprise of ice cream with chocolate syrup and sprinkles had definitely been a hit, but the sink was full of dishes that demanded attention.

It had been a bit of a rough night. Throughout the evening, Noah had become increasingly clingy toward Ed. He barely left the man's side all evening and had a near meltdown when told Ed couldn't give him his bath because he was still hurt.

Olivia didn't normally give in to tantrums, but they'd settled on a compromise. Ed "helped" with bath time by sitting in the room.

She was apologetic for Noah's behavior, but they both knew it was his way of acting out his feelings over what had happened. She'd told Ed she'd talk to her son about it before bed, but Ed asked if he could take a stab at easing the boy's mind.

She was hesitant but agreed. Her reluctance wasn't because she didn't think Ed could handle the conversation. It was the responsibility of a parent to comfort their child and explain life's difficult lessons. He and Noah both seemed completely comfortable for Ed to take that role. Honestly, she was, too. It was another in a long line of events that reminded her that they were really going to give this relationship another chance.

* * *

"One more?" Noah begged as he climbed under the covers.

"We just read one more," Ed said dragging himself up from the big reading chair where they'd been sitting. "We had four whole stories, and you have to get up early for school tomorrow. Let's call it a night, okay?"

"I'm not sleepy," Noah pouted though his tired eyes said otherwise.

Ed half wished Olivia had stayed with them and even thought about calling her back in. Instead, he lowered himself down to one knee so he could be at Noah's eye level.

"Noah, do you wanna talk about what happened the other night?" He figured he could just put it out there, and see what Noah said.

Noah shook his head and looked away.

"It's okay, you don't have to," Ed said trying to imagine how Olivia would talk to him and coax him into opening up. "It was scary, and sometimes that's hard to talk about."

Noah looked at him and furrowed his little brow.

"The bad man hurted you again?" When he finally spoke, Noah's voice was small. "And mommy, too?"

Ed ground his teeth and swallowed. "Yes, but we're both okay, now."

Noah's eyes flashed to Ed's side where his bandages lied beneath his t-shirt.

"I am okay, Noah," he assured. "Some things just take longer to heal, that's all."

"The doctor say you okay." It was more of a reminder than a question.

"Yep," Ed confirmed. "In a few more days, I'll be good as new."

Noah looked pensive, but he nodded. "Okay."

Ed was pretty sure there was something else bothering Noah, but he didn't know if he should push it or wait and let Olivia handle it. He felt a bit like a coward, but he decided to wait.

"Goodnight, bud," Ed said ruffling Noah's hair before kissing the top of his head.

"Night, Tuck," Noah snuggled down into his bed.

Ed pushed himself to his feet with a bit of effort. "Oh, I almost forgot… be right back."

He hurried down the hall to Olivia's room where his duffle sat on the foot of her bed. He opened it and retrieved the little elephant.

"Wouldn't want to forget this guy," Ed called as he reentered Noah's room.

Noah's eyes lit up and he reached for the stuffed animal. "Thanks, Tuck!"

"Thank you for sharing him with me while I was in the hospital." He turned off the lamp by the bed and headed toward the door.

When he got to the doorway, Ed turned back. "Night, Noah." He repeated.

"Night, Tuck," Noah said, sleep already evident in his voice. "Love you."

"I love you, too, bud." Ed said softly as he closed the door. He then made his way toward the kitchen, heart full and more determined than ever.

He found Olivia still in the kitchen rinsing the last bowl before stacking it in the dishwasher. She bent to close the lid, and he let himself appreciate the view for a few seconds before announcing his presence by clearing his throat.

Olivia stood and spun to face him. "Noah give you any trouble?"

"He conned me into a fourth story," Ed said with a smile. "But otherwise, I think he's down for the night."

A small laugh slipped through her lips. "He can be quite convincing." She paused. "Did he seem okay?"

"I think so." He didn't want to alarm her, but he also wanted to be honest. "I think something is still bothering him, but he seems to believe that I'm okay, and you're okay."

"Why do you think there's something else?" She stepped toward him, concern evident in her posture. "Did he say something?"

"Not really." He wanted to pull her to him, but he didn't know if it'd be a source of comfort or not. "He asked about the bad man and needed some reassurance."

"But you said there's something else?" She wasn't going to let him evade the question so easily. She folded her arms across her chest and cocked her eyebrow.

Ed copied her pose and leaned back against the kitchen counter next to her. "I don't know what I mean." He sighed. "I just felt like there was something he wasn't saying, but he wanted to."

She turned to face him and narrowed her eyes.

"I know I'm rambling here," he said. "It's just a gut feeling."

"Okay." She rested her hand on his forearm. "I'm sure he'll open up when he's ready. I'll talk to him again tomorrow."

Ed nodded with a sigh. He didn't know how to explain that it was less about concern than it was something major bothering Noah as it was disappointment that the boy hadn't fully confided in him. It was presumptive on his part, and he didn't know how she'd react to that.

"I know you hoped he'd talk to you," she said, as if she'd read his mind. "It's not you. He's sensitive. It's sweet actually. He's hit the age where he's becoming aware of other people's feelings, so he's more thoughtful about certain things."

Ed relaxed and accepted her explanation. "He's one lucky kid, having such an insightful and patient mother."

Olivia couldn't hide the slight blush at the compliment. "He's lucky to have you, too, Ed." She squeezed his arm.

Ed pushed himself off the counter, standing up straight. The move halved the distance between them. He was pleased that rather than backing up, she simply allowed him into her space.

She looked him in the eye before adding. "We both are." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

He wasn't sure he trusted himself to speak at the moment. He met her gaze and was floored by what he found. The walls were down, and while there was still a hint of uncertainty, there was growing clarity. She hadn't been this open to him since before Paris.

Ed wasn't sure who moved first. All he knew was her lips on his, the gentle press of her breasts against his chest as she eliminated the remaining space between them.

Before things could go too far, Olivia broke the kiss and rested her cheek on his. "Sorry," she breathed.

"You don't ever have to apologize for doing that," he said with humor in his voice.

"I mean, I'm sorry to start something we can't finish."

He pulled back and looked at her. Her eyes flashed to his side, and he knew she was right. He was still limited in his strength and mobility for at least a few more days. That was the whole reason he was staying with her.

"We should probably talk before we…you know," and his voice trailed off.

She smirked at his apparent embarrassment and shyness. Her smile quickly faded when she saw the seriousness return to his expression.

"Liv." He cupped her cheek. "I can't lose you again."

Olivia fought the urge to retreat from the intensity of his gaze. She couldn't help the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes, but she refused to hide from him. He brought his other hand to her face and brushed her cheek with his thumb.

"I need to know." His eyes flitted away from hers briefly as they often did when he was emotional. "I need to know that this is it for you. Because, you Olivia, you and Noah. You're it for me."

She nodded against his palm.

"If you need time to be sure," he continued. "I need you to be sure."

"Ed." She place her hands over his and gently squeezed his wrists. "I'm sure."

Now, it was Ed who nodded. The tension slipped away, and he breathed deeply.

Seeing him wince at the movement, Olivia pulled his hand from her face and leaned into his good side. "Let's take this to the other room."

He kept his arm tightly around her shoulder for the short walk to the couch.

"Do you want me to get your pills?" She asked when he flinched again as he lowered himself to the couch.

He shook his head, but there was a slight upturn of his mouth. "I want to be fully present at the moment."

Olivia sat close to him, so their thighs just brushed against each other. It seemed that wasn't enough contact, so she rested her hand on his knee. That earned a full smile from him. He covered her hand with his and tilted his head to look at her once again.

"You look slightly less than 'sure'," he said. It wasn't an accusation. He was just determined not to let anything hide in the dark. If this was going to work with her, they had to be open. He had to not let his fear of her retreat stop him from trying.

"I felt this way before, too." She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, but couldn't seem to find the words.

"I'm sorry, Olivia," he said reaching for her other hand causing her to turn so she was facing him more. "But I promise you, I'll be better this time. I'll be the man you thought I was."

Olivia studied him for a minute. "Ed, what do you mean?"

He dropped one of her hands and rubbed his forehead, looking away from her briefly.

"I'm serious." She ducked her head to try to regain eye contact. "You've said that before. That you should have been better."

"I should have." He looked up, but just avoided her eyes.

Getting frustrated, she ran her hand over his cheek and pulled him into view. "Ed, you did everything you could to make things work. I'm the one that shut you out. I'm the one that needs to do this better."

"But I knew you were shutting down," he said. "I should have done something."

"Ed." She almost sounded annoyed, but there was a glint in her eye. "You know me better than anyone."

He started to interrupt, but she held up a hand.

"You know me better than anyone," she repeated. "And you have to know that there's not anything you could have done at the time. I'd made up my mind. Maybe, I'd lost my mind, but I wasn't going to be swayed."

"I should have come back."

She seemed to consider this.

"I ran into Barba a couple months after we split," he said.

Her eyes snapped to his.

"He was pretty tight lipped, but I got the feeling he thought I'd blown it."

"He's my friend," she said. "He's always going to take my side."

"I asked him if he thought you'd take my call," Ed admitted. "He told me I'd be a fool not to try."

Olivia was floored. Barba had never breathed a word of this to her. Not then, and not once Ed was back.

"Don't be mad at him," he said. "It's guy code. It wasn't up to him. It was up to me."

She huffed a laugh at the ridiculous logic.

"He was right, though."

She cocked her head.

"I was a fool for not reaching out to you months ago." He shook his head. "I should have…"

"Ed," she reached for him. "Let's not regret what could have been or should have been. Let's just focus on now. I don't want to let the year we lost get in the way of where we are."

"You're right." He tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"Always," she quipped.

"That's my line." He smiled as he leaned into her again. This time he captured her lips and took her breath away.

* * *

The ring of Olivia's phone interrupted the early morning silence eliciting a groan from the Lieutenant. Ed mumbled something when she carefully extracted herself from his arms and reached to find the damn phone.

"What time is it?" Ed asked becoming more awake at the noise and commotion.

"Not quite five," she whispered. She got up and straightened her shirt. "Sorry, go back to sleep."

He watched as she left the room, swiping at the screen and answering "Benson."

Less than five minutes later she was back. She bee lined for her closet making effort to be as quiet as possible.

"You gotta go in?" He asked letting her know he was still awake. She said something he couldn't make out. "What was that?"

She emerged from the closet in slacks and a bra, shirt in hand. He took in a sharp breath at the sight. He'd expected more reservation from her, more hesitation.

"Seriously?" She teased when she caught him staring.

"It's been a long time, Liv," he said by way of a non-apology and took her in for another half a beat.

She pulled her blouse on and smiled before getting back to business. "That was Carisi."

"You've gotta go in."

"Can you stay with Noah until Lucy gets here?" She asked as he dug around in one of her drawers for a pair of socks. "She'll be here by 7:30 to walk him to school."

"Of course," he said sitting up. "Don't worry about things here."

"If you can help him pick out something appropriate to wear." She sat down next to him and started pulling on her boots. "I'll text Lucy to see if she can pick up some bagels on her way over."

"Liv." He put a hand on her shoulder stilling her for a minute. "I can handle breakfast. We'll be fine"

She bumped her shoulder into his softly. "Thank you."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

She kissed him softly before hopping up and heading to the bathroom to wash up. A few minutes later she emerged with her hair in a ponytail and a hint makeup on her face.

"I'll text you when I know something."

"Hey Liv," he called just as she reached the door.

She paused.

"I love you."

She smiled and rushed back to his side giving him one more peck. "Love you, too."

Then she was gone.

* * *

"Do you think I should pick him up from school and stay the afternoon?" Lucy asked from her perch on one of the breakfast barstools. "Liv didn't say."

"I don't think she expects to be gone that long," Ed answered as he put the last of Noah's breakfast dishes in the dishwasher. He toweled off his hands and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"You're sure? I was going to attend a study group, but I can skip it."

"No, it's okay," he insisted. He looked down the hall where Noah had gone to wash up after breakfast. "Don't change your plans. I can get him if she doesn't get home in time."

They were trying to ease Noah back to his normal schedule. So Lucy had planned to walk him to school and Olivia pick him up for the next few days until Liv went back to work full time and Ed went home. Although Ed wasn't sure he was ready to leave. At least not permanently. He didn't want to presume that she'd immediately welcome him as a regular nightly guest, but he hoped she would.

"It's nice that you're back," Lucy said simply. "And I don't mean just because you're getting me out of afternoon pick up duty."

"It's good to be back." He said with a genuine smile. He didn't even realize that in some small way, he'd missed her, too.

"How much longer until you can go home?" She asked innocently.

"Couple days," he said.

"I'm sure it'll be nice to be back in your own bed."

"Yeah," he answered. In reality, he already felt like he was home. He knew he'd have to go back to his apartment eventually, but he didn't want to.

"Shit," Lucy said under her breath as she looked at her watch. Then she realized she'd said it out loud. "Sorry, it's just tha we're going to be late."

With that, she hurried from the kitchen calling Noah's name.

Ed leaned back against the counter. He was feeling quite a bit better today, both physically and with how things were going with Olivia. Maybe he'd talk to her about not going back to his apartment. She'd seemed to be in sync with him in picking up where they'd left off, and they'd definitely been heading in that direction. Hell, he'd been ready to propose, but she didn't know that. He smiled to himself and started to believe that they were going to make it this time.

A thud and Noah's shouts pulled Ed from his thoughts, and he quickly headed toward the entry way. There he found Noah sitting on the floor crying. Lucy was retrieving one of Noah's shoes from the hallway and scolding him for throwing it.

"Noah?" Ed asked.

Noah immediately jumped up and ran to Ed's side. Ed had to brace himself against the wall to receive the impact. Thankfully, Noah hit on his good side otherwise, Ed didn't think he'd have been able to keep on his feet. He looked to Lucy.

Lucy shrugged. "When I told him to put his shoes on, he lost it."

"Noah, buddy," Ed said pulling the boys arms from his waist and slowing lowering himself to Noah's level. "You gotta wear shoes to school."

"I don't wanna go," Noah whined throwing his arms around Ed's neck. "I wanna stay with you."

"Noah, I'll be here when you get home," Ed tried again. "You need to go to school."

"NO!" Noah shouted. "I don't want to go to school."

He coughed from the combination of his tears and yelling.

"Noah," Lucy said kneeling down beside them. "You like school. Don't you want to see you teacher and all your friends."

"I…" Cough. "No, I want…" Cough. "To stay…" Cough. "With Tuck."

The last of his words were overwhelmed with coughs. His eyes filled with panic as he tried to suck in air.

"Get his inhaler." Ed barked the order as if Lucy were one of his staff, but she didn't take offense. She jumped up and grabbed Noah's backpack from the floor. Within seconds she had the inhaler.

"Noah," Ed pulled him back against his chest so he was facing Lucy. "Let Lucy help you with your inhaler, okay?"

Noah gasped, but nodded. He let Lucy puff the inhaler in his mouth and nodded his head with each count as she coached him through holding his breath the few seconds needed to let the medicine get fully into his lungs. Ed held him and breathed with him for a half a minute until they were sure he was calming down.

"Do you need another one?" Lucy asked.

Noah breathed a few times before shaking his head.

Ed looked at Lucy. They both knew Olivia wanted him to get back to a routine, but there was no way Ed was going to send him to school after this. Lucy seemed to understand Ed's conclusion and nodded her agreement.

"I'll text Liv and let her know." Ed said.

"Do you want me to stay for a while?" Lucy offered. "My class isn't until 10."

Part of Ed wanted her to stay. He knew Noah's asthma, and how to manage the inhaler. It had been a while though, and with his own weakened condition, he was nervous.

"I'll stay til we hear back from Liv," Lucy offered.

"Thanks," Ed said. Then he let himself fall the couple inches back against the wall and used it as support to stand.

"Noah, you can stay home one more day, okay?" Ed said.

"Okay," Noah said. Only it wasn't the triumphant 'I got my way' response. He seemed almost sad and resigned. Ed didn't know what to make of it.

"But we're going to talk to Mommy when she gets home, and you need to tell us why you're so upset."

Noah's bottom lip quivered.

"Hey No, why don't you hang up your backpack, and put your shoes back in the bin," Lucy said trying to distract him.

Surprisingly, he did as instructed without complaint.

"Let's just try to take his mind off of it until Olivia gets home," Lucy explained. "She said he'd been clingy to you and might fuss about going to school, but I didn't expect this."

Half an hour later, Noah was snuggled into Ed's side watching some ridiculous morning cartoon that Ed didn't recognize. It had taken Olivia twenty minutes to respond to their texts. She was obviously concerned, but accepted that Noah was okay for now, and in good hands. She promised to get home as quickly as possible. Lucy ended up leaving. Once Noah was settled, it didn't make sense for her to stay.

* * *

Olivia rushed into the apartment around three o'clock. It was quiet which didn't assuage her concerns. She quickly lowered her bag to the floor and dropped her keys inside. Her nerves were fried. She'd spent the day working on a DV case trying all while worrying about what was wrong with Noah.

She knew that Ed and Lucy wouldn't overreact. If they both opted to keep her son home, it had to be something significant. She also knew from her periodic texts with Ed that her son wasn't talking, yet.

She heard movement and saw Ed approaching from her bedroom. He held a finger to his lips and jerked his head signaling her to join him. She followed him into her bedroom where he pushed the door almost closed.

"What's going on?" She asked immediately in a hushed tone. "Where's Noah?"

"He's asleep on the couch."

She relaxed a little. "What happened?"

"I don't really know," Ed said. "Lucy went to get his shoes and head to school, and he had a meltdown. He worked himself up so much he had an asthma attack. Once we agreed he could stay home with me, he stayed calm."

"Did you talk to him?"

"I tried, but he was pretty tight lipped."

Olivia pulled the rubber band from her hair and shook out the waves. Clearly Noah was worried about Ed, but he seemed to understand that his wounds were getting better. She couldn't figure out what had Noah so upset.

"I didn't push him at all, really," Ed admitted. "It scared me when he couldn't breathe."

"It's okay," Olivia said. "It still scares me, every single time."

"I don't know what I would have done if Lucy wasn't there."

"You'd be able to handle it alone, if you had to."

Ed was startled by her unwavering confidence in him, especially when it came to Noah.

"How long has he been asleep?" She asked as she stepped into her closet and started changing clothes.

"Just 30 minutes or so."

"Do you think we should keep him home the rest of the week?" It was only Tuesday, but she was on leave for the rest of the week unless there was another emergency at the 1-6.

Ed didn't know how to respond. She was asking for his input, but he honestly didn't know the right answer. Noah couldn't stay home forever, but they couldn't send him off alone when there was obviously something wrong.

"There's no right or wrong." Olivia once again seemed to read his mind. "I just want to know what you think."

"I guess," he hesitated. "I think we should keep him home until we figure out why he's so upset. This goes beyond just a tantrum or separation anxiety."

"I agree," she said leaning into him. "Thank you."

"For what?" He wrapped his arms around her.

"Loving my son."


	34. Chapter 34

a/n: Okay, we're nearing the end. Sad face. There's just one more chapter after this one, I think.

* * *

Olivia leaned back under the hot spray of the shower and ran her fingers through her hair making sure to get the last bits of conditioner rinsed out. Noah hadn't taken afternoon naps in over a year, but she guessed he'd sleep at least another hour. She'd worry about getting him back on schedule when she was sure he was better handling whatever was bothering him.

She made quick work of the rest of her shower and ended up just standing letting the water wash over her for several minutes. Her mind was working overtime trying to figure out what could possibly have her son so upset.

Ed was convinced it wasn't just about the night he was re-injured. He reminded her that Noah hadn't even witnessed any of the actual violence and seemed to be unaware of the extent of it. All he'd really seen was Ed collapse after his wound had reopened.

If that wasn't it, Olivia was struggling to come up with what else it was. She sighed and ran her hand over her face slinging the water away. Then she turned off the faucet and reached for a towel. No sooner had she stepped on the mat outside the shower, when she heard a light tap on the bathroom door.

"Liv." Ed's voice called softly.

She quickly wrapped the towel around her, but the door never opened. "Yeah?"

"It's getting close to dinner time," he said, his voice still low. "Want me to order some Nemo's or something?"

"Pizza sounds great." She smiled to herself. Nemo's was Noah's favorite. "Thanks."

She heard him mumble an okay followed by his retreating footsteps. She knew Ed was trying to do whatever he could think to comfort her son and make him happy. He was also treading lightly.

When they were together over a year ago, he would have just ordered the pizza and mentioned it when she got out of the shower. He wouldn't have doubted himself, and he wouldn't have worried about a decision as simple as dinner.

It was one of the things that she'd always appreciated in their relationship, his ability to sense what she needed and just do it without being overbearing about it. Even when he didn't know what to do, he would just show up and somehow be exactly who and what she needed.

Olivia finished drying off and headed from her bathroom to her closet, stopping at her dresser along the way. Within a few minutes she'd put together a very casual ensemble of leggings and a lightweight flowy sweater.

Her mind was still reeling as she went through an abridged version of her post-shower routine. She was desperate to find out what had Noah in such a state, and she was trying to figure out how to let Ed back in. On the one hand, she could almost let herself fall right back into step with him. It would be easy. On the other hand, she had some repair work to do.

Another light knock, this time on her bedroom door, pulled her from her thoughts. This time Ed didn't wait for her response before opening the door a little crack.

"Pizza will be here in 30-45," he said peeking through the door. Finding her dressed, he made his way in. "Noah's still out, but I think he's starting to stir."

Olivia sat on the foot of her bed and nodded without looking at him. Ed faltered for just a second, but then regrouped and made his way to her side. She felt the bed dip as he sat next to her.

"Liv, I wanna help, here." He cautiously reached for her hands that were folded in her lap. "I just don't wanna overstep."

She let him untangle her clasped hands and pull her nearest hand into his grasp. As he often did, he lifted it to his lips and kissed her knuckles before resting their joined hands on his thigh.

"You're not," she said. "Overstepping, I mean."

"I know you're worried about Noah. What can I do?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly.

He sighed, and seemed to think over his next question. His voice was tight when he finally asked. "Do you want me to leave so you can have some alone time with him?"

"No," she almost cut him off. She didn't want him to leave. That she knew, but she didn't know how to explain or what else to say.

"Okay." He transferred her hand from one of his to the other, freeing him to put his arm around her shoulders. "This okay?"

"Mmm," was her only verbal response, but she leaned into his side embrace.

* * *

"Noah," Olivia lightly scolded with a laugh. "Use your napkin."

Noah giggled and licked the chocolate cake from his fingers and looked around for his napkin. While the pizza was good, it wasn't the main reason Nemo's was Noah's favorite. They were next door to a cupcake shop, and for a select few, repeat customers, they'd make a double delivery.

Ed watched the two interact and appreciated the unguarded moment. They'd both tried to get Noah to talk after he'd woken up and while they'd eaten their pizza, to no avail. When it was time for dessert, he'd sensed a shift in Olivia, and he knew she was going to let them just enjoy their cupcakes with sprinkles.

He wasn't much for cupcakes, but there was a bourbon maple bacon concoction that he could appreciate. The flavor combination was unique to this experience, and he found himself feeling nostalgic. He briefly closed his eyes and took in the moment.

He looked up in surprise when he felt Olivia's hand on his knee. She flashed a smile, but the look in her eyes conveyed more. She seemed to understand. More noticeably, there was still an increased sense of openness. She was trying.

"Mommy," Noah said, interrupting the moment. "Do I have to go to school tomorrow?"

Olivia looked at Ed.

They'd discussed it before Noah woke up. Olivia had the time off work, so it wouldn't be a problem. She wavered. Part of her thought it would be better to get Noah back to his normal routine. They hadn't reached a decision before Noah was awake, and now she seemed to be looking to him for an answer. He was floored.

His instinct said to keep Noah home. He knew that it was partly out of his own selfishness. He'd likely be well enough to go back to his own apartment at some point over the weekend, so he wanted as much time with the two of them as he could get. The battle in his mind lasted all of two seconds.

At his nod, Olivia answered Noah. "Not tomorrow. You can stay home this week. But next week, Mommy has to go back to work, and you have to go back to school. Okay?"

"Okay." Noah looked from her to Ed, and his expression grew serious. "Tuck, you stay home, too?"

"Yeah, buddy," he answered, casting a glance at Olivia who only shrugged. "Doc says I've got to stay put for another few days."

Noah frowned. Ed stilled.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked. She gave Ed a look that told him not to worry.

Ed tried to relax and let this play out, but he couldn't shake the fear that he was somehow the cause of Noah's anxiety. It was paralyzing.

"Nothing," Noah said dropping his head.

"Let's get you washed up." Olivia grabbed the nearby bottle of wipes and handed one to Noah. He wiped his face and fingers without thought. After tossing the wipe in the trash she scooped Noah into her arms and nodded her chin at Ed who followed her lead to the living room.

Ed was initially surprised by her abrupt change of pace, but then he understood her intent. She wasn't giving up, she was just giving Noah a brief respite and change of environment.

* * *

Olivia settled herself and Noah into the corner of the couch and nodded her approval when Ed opted to sit right next to them. She had Noah sitting across her lap, so he was facing Ed's direction and his profile was visible to her from above.

"Want to talk about it?" She asked with a little nudge of her chin on the top of his head.

Noah didn't answer, but he did look up at her. All she saw was uncertainty, and she didn't know what to make of it.

"You know you can tell me and your mommy anything, right?" Ed lightly brushed his hand on Noah's shin.

Noah nodded, but buried himself more into Olivia's side. Ed and Olivia shared a look. She rubbed her son's shoulder in encouragement, but then decided to wait.

After half a minute, Noah finally looked up at Olivia then to Ed. He furrowed his little brow. Olivia brushed her hand through his hair in encouragement.

"The doctor thinked you're my Dad," Noah began.

Olivia's eyes flashed to Ed whose facial expression remained stoic, but she could see the impact in his eyes.

"I know you're not my real Dad," Noah continued.

"How do you know that?" Olivia asked. They hadn't ever talked about Ed's role in his life. When Ed left before, she'd simply explained that sometimes grown-ups had to go away. He'd been barely four at the time. Gradually he asked about Tuck less and less, and seemed to have adjusted back to it being just him and Mommy.

"He's Tuck," Noah said as though his logic was obvious.

"Why did you think about the doctor thinking Tuck's your Dad, just now?" Olivia asked.

Noah turned to Ed. "You telled Lucy you gonna to go home."

Ed took a minute to realize Noah must have overheard the conversation with the babysitter. "Yeah, I'm almost all better, so I can go back to my apartment."

Noah didn't respond. Olivia shifted Noah back a little so she could see his whole face. He looked like the saddest little boy in the world. She kicked herself for not thinking more about how all of this would impact him. Sure, she always knew that she and Noah were a package deal for any relationship she had, but the older Noah got, the more he developed his own attachments outside of hers.

"Sweetheart," she cooed. "Ed's not going away like last time. He just needs to sleep in his own bed and get back to his own stuff."

The boy shrugged.

"Noah," Ed said with a quick look at Olivia. "Just because I'm going back to my apartment doesn't mean I'm not going to be here for you anymore."

Noah turned even more into Olivia's side and mumbled something.

"What was that?" She asked.

Noah sniffled again and then looked up at his mom. He peeked over at Ed who just looked desperate to help. Noah mumbled something that neither adult could make out, then buried his face in Olivia's neck.

"What, No?" Ed asked leaning toward them rubbing Noah's back.

Noah shook his head. Olivia tried to lift him up a little.

"It's okay, whatever you want to say," she pushed. "Whatever you feel. Just tell Mommy, okay?"

"Bud?" Ed prompted.

"I want…" Noah started. "I wish you wanted to be my daddy." He immediately ducked his face into Olivia's neck, embarrassed by his admission.

"Oh Noah," Ed said reaching for him. Olivia loosened her hold and let Noah make his own decision. He allowed Ed to pull him onto his lap.

Ed looked at Olivia who had teared up. She looked as desperate as Ed felt.

"Noah," Ed repeated. "Any man would be lucky to be your dad. You deserve the very best."

"You are da best," Noah said. "Don't you 'member?"

Olivia noticed Ed's jaw clench as he fought to keep his emotions in check. He opened his mouth to speak, but with a slight tilt of his head stopped. He looked at her almost begging for an answer.

"Noah." She brushed his hair off his forehead. "Mommy owes you an apology."

"What's a 'pology?" he said crinkling his nose.

"Remember, that's when you say you're sorry because you made a mistake." She looked at Ed and back to Noah. "And I messed up."

"We both did," Ed said taking Olivia's free hand in his.

"I should have talked to you more about what's been going on. Why Tuck is back."

They spent the next half an hour trying to explain in five-year-old terms that while Ed still wasn't Noah's dad, he was going to be back in their lives more regularly. They were still a family even if they weren't like other families. Ed was floored when Olivia almost hinted that someday they might be more official.

Noah still wasn't happy that Ed was going home in a few days, and honestly, neither was Ed. However, he didn't think Olivia was ready for that level of commitment. So together they consoled Noah and did their best to answer his very honest questions.

* * *

Ed sat on the sofa, his head leaned back, bourbon in hand. He knew he shouldn't be mixing alcohol with his pain meds, but he'd hardly been taking the Oxy lately.

He and Olivia had both struggled with their own distractions throughout the rest of Noah's evening routine. Once his fears had been abated and he felt secure that Ed was still his family, he perked up and his clinginess abated somewhat. Olivia was now tucking him in after a shared story time in the living room.

Ed was anxious. Olivia had obviously been pre-occupied as had he'd been. They'd continued to catch each other's eyes and hold on to the stare a little longer than usual. It was a test of sorts. How they handled this. How she reacted to this and how he handled that reaction would, in his mind, answer the question of whether or not they were on solid ground. He wished he felt certain, but he had lingering doubt.

He didn't want to worry needlessly, but he wasn't yet convinced that Olivia was fully committed to making it work this time. This latest reaction from Noah would likely push her one way or the other, permanently.

He sipped his drink.

"Should you be mixing that with your medication?"

Ed looked over the top of the glass to see her expression was more of a tease than a scold. "Haven't taken any meds today."

"Really?" She was surprised. He'd only been out of the hospital a few days. "You're doing better than I thought you would be at this point."

He shrugged. Did she think he was staying too long?

She joined him on the sofa. She smirked as she took the glass from his hand and helped herself to a sip.

"You could get your own," he said taking the glass back from her.

"Yours tastes better." She reached for the drink again, but he moved it just to the side.

She cocked an eyebrow.

He shook his head but smiled as he handed it back to her. "What's mine is yours."

She didn't even bother to drink it. Instead she sat the tumbler on the coffee table and pulled one leg under her, turning to face him.

"Noah get to sleep okay?" His tone became more serious.

"Yeah, even after his nap, he still seemed tired." So did she.

"He's okay?" Ed said. "With everything?"

"I think so," she answered honestly. "Kids get certain ideas in their heads, you know. They only see in black and white. He just needed to see that there are alternatives."

She knew she was talking around the issue, but she didn't know how to dive into this conversation.

"Olivia," Ed said, his tone grabbing her full attention. He rested his hand on her knee, and she couldn't read what was coming next.

"Olivia," he repeated. "I can't…"

She sucked in a hard breath. This was it, he was going to tell her he wasn't going to take the risk with her again. Not if it was going to affect Noah the way it was. She'd seen the way it broke his heart when he couldn't fix Noah's concern without her full cooperation which he refused to take for granted.

"No, that's not what I…" Ed squeezed her knee realizing what she was jumping to in her mind.

She looked at him and bit her lip.

"I mean," he scrubbed his hand over his face. "It's not just you and me in this. We need to… I need you to know that I understand that it's Noah, too. I'd give anything to have the chance to be a family with you again."

Ed stopped talking and reached for the bourbon. He was babbling and needed something to slow him down.

"I want that, too." Olivia said softly running her hand over the back of his neck at his hairline while he downed the little bit of bourbon that remained.

Ed smiled as he returned the glass to the table. Then he leaned forward and lightly touched his lips to hers.


End file.
